Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

Okay, here's what I've wrote so far. I enjoyed writing it, and I think from now on, whenever I get annoyed playing DUST, I'll do a little writing. Please give feedback!


Azel leant against the cold stone wall, clutching his arms to conserve heat. Icy breath emerged from Azel and the two other adolescents who stood around him, who were all at least a head and shoulders taller than him. Their features were barely visible in the all-engulfing darkness, which would play to their advantage. It wasnGÇÖt completely necessary for the Rotten Snakes to operate solely at night, but they seemed to perform best at that time. Concealing their identities wasnGÇÖt a significant concern for them: it was unlikely that the Watch would trouble themselves with searching the Farrows for a few dirty urchins who robbed an irrelevant drunk or labourer. Occasionally though, there would be a thorough investigation and purge following the ignorant mugging or murder of a high-profile aristocrat, who undoubtedly would have been returning from a night of enjoying the brothels of the Farrows, the likes of which would not be found on the respectable east side of the Nenther River. Nevertheless, a group of hooded, concealed faces tended to strike a certain fear into people, and this was why the Rotten Snakes wore makeshift bandanas around the lower parts of their faces when they went to work.

The slosh of muck and sleet echoed in the silence as Azel shifted his stance, hoping to coax life back into his numb toes. The muddy water had already soaked through his flimsy foot wraps. Azel nearly lost his footing when Jaman exclaimed, GÇÿThis is ******* pointless: weGÇÖve been out here for hours and no oneGÇÖs come by,GÇÖ flinging his arms in frustration.

GÇÿYou wanna face Scorpion tomorrow without any dues?GÇÖ replied Mok. GÇÿWhat you gonna tell him? You didnGÇÖt want to go outside because it was too cold? Gimme a breakGÇÖ.

GÇÿMight as well just give up: IGÇÖm freezing my arse off out here for no good reason,GÇÖ retorted Jaman.

GÇÿ******* go back then if you donGÇÖt want to stay out here no more. Just donGÇÖt expect a cut of our coin, and itGÇÖll be your problem when you canGÇÖt pay up tomorrow.GÇÖ Jaman clenched his jaw and glared at the ground.

GÇÿWhat if I justGǪ' began Jaman.

GÇÿShut up,GÇÖ said Mok.

GÇÿDonGÇÖt ******* tell me what-GÇÿ

GÇÿI said shut the **** up!GÇÖ hissed Mok. GÇÿListenGÇÖ. Emanating from the distance was the sound of footsteps and splashing water. A womanGÇÖs gentle giggle could be heard, followed by the deep croaky voice of a man. Azel and Jaman quickly crowded around Mok. GÇÿSounds like two,GÇÖ said Mok. He firmly clenched the end of a strip of sharp metal wrapped tightly in linen. GÇÿHide,GÇÖ he ordered, before they pressed themselves into the crevices of the walls.

Rounding a corner, the two people came into view. The man was tall and had broad shoulders. Holding onto the manGÇÖs arm, the slender woman guffawed loudly: she was clearly drunk. Azel was careful to breathe slowly and quietly, but his muscles were tense as stone. The couple were too engrossed in each other to notice the youths hiding in the shadows as they passed.

GÇÿNow!GÇÖ Mok yelled. GÇÿTake the bloke first!GÇÖ The man and woman spun around in surprise, and the womanGÇÖs grip on the man intensified. Mok and Jaman crashed into the man, sending him spiralling to the filthy ground. Azel sprinted at the woman and seized her in a bear-hug.

GÇÿLet go of me, let me go!GÇÖ the panicked woman shrieked piercingly, clawing at AzelGÇÖs scalp. The woman was taller than him, but she was delicate and feeble as well as uncoordinated, a result of her inebriated state. From the corner of his eye, Azel saw the manGÇÖs gargantuan fist smash into JamanGÇÖs face, sending him crashing to the ground with a splosh.
GÇÿStop moving, stop moving!GÇÖ Mok yelled. A glimmer whirred in front of the manGÇÖs eyes and he turned into a statue when he saw the blade millimetres from his face. GÇÿWhatGÇÖve you got? Give us what youGÇÖve got,GÇÖ Mok demanded. GÇÿYou too,GÇÖ said Mok as he nodded his head towards the woman.

GÇÿAlright, alright,GÇÖ the man wheezed. GÇÿJust, just, donGÇÖt hurt us, please!GÇÖ He fumbled in his pockets and produced a handful of coins. Mok reached out to take the money, but stopped when a rock buzzed past his head and splashed into the water ahead of him.

GÇÿ******* Rotten Snakes. What do you think youGÇÖre doing on our turf?GÇÖ

Oh no, Azel thought. Oh no.

GÇÿ****,GÇÖ cursed Mok. He snatched the money from the alarmed manGÇÖs hand and hurriedly rose from the biting water. GÇÿRun, letGÇÖs go!GÇÖ Mok commanded, whizzing past Azel and the woman who was still being restrained. Azel abruptly released the woman and turned to follow Mok and Jaman, who had also begun to flee, spraying icy-cold water in AzelGÇÖs face. The three didnGÇÖt stop running for miles, even after the larger gang had given up their pursuit.

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

TBH I never have any fitting issues with my Minja. Literally all my mods and weapons are Proto on my Proto Minja, WITH an ADV Cloak and Standard REs.

xavier zor's alt

xavier zor II wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

TBH I never have any fitting issues with my Minja. Literally all my mods and weapons are Proto on my Proto Minja, WITH an ADV Cloak and Standard REs.

nice story btw, tell us who is who in the story so we know!

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

xavier zor II wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

TBH I never have any fitting issues with my Minja. Literally all my mods and weapons are Proto on my Proto Minja, WITH an ADV Cloak and Standard REs.

what do you need RE's for when you have knives!

RE's AV, OHK weapon
Knives AV, OHK weapon

Stabby-stabber extraordinaire Gû¼+¦GòÉGòÉn¦ñ

I stabbed Rattati once, you know.

Pseudogenesis wrote:

xavier zor II wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

TBH I never have any fitting issues with my Minja. Literally all my mods and weapons are Proto on my Proto Minja, WITH an ADV Cloak and Standard REs.

what do you need RE's for when you have knives!

RE's AV, OHK weapon
Knives AV, OHK weapon

REs can be traps, AOE, crowd control, area denial, and makeshift grenades, NKs can't.

And if NKs are AV then so is my cat

xavier zor's alt

xavier zor II wrote:

Pseudogenesis wrote:

xavier zor II wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

TBH I never have any fitting issues with my Minja. Literally all my mods and weapons are Proto on my Proto Minja, WITH an ADV Cloak and Standard REs.

what do you need RE's for when you have knives!

RE's AV, OHK weapon
Knives AV, OHK weapon

REs can be traps, AOE, crowd control, area denial, and makeshift grenades, NKs can't.

And if NKs are AV then so is my cat

you're not a knifer until you knife a tank

Stabby-stabber extraordinaire Gû¼+¦GòÉGòÉn¦ñ

I stabbed Rattati once, you know.

Pseudogenesis wrote:

xavier zor II wrote:

Pseudogenesis wrote:

xavier zor II wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

TBH I never have any fitting issues with my Minja. Literally all my mods and weapons are Proto on my Proto Minja, WITH an ADV Cloak and Standard REs.

what do you need RE's for when you have knives!

RE's AV, OHK weapon
Knives AV, OHK weapon

REs can be traps, AOE, crowd control, area denial, and makeshift grenades, NKs can't.

And if NKs are AV then so is my cat

you're not a knifer until you knife a tank

I have, but that doesn't mean they're AV

Any tanker worth his salt will kill you before you've even scraped the paint

MOAR Ladders

SpadeGǪ Remember your Warbarge

Pseudogenesis wrote:

xavier zor II wrote:

Pseudogenesis wrote:

xavier zor II wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

TBH I never have any fitting issues with my Minja. Literally all my mods and weapons are Proto on my Proto Minja, WITH an ADV Cloak and Standard REs.

what do you need RE's for when you have knives!

RE's AV, OHK weapon
Knives AV, OHK weapon

REs can be traps, AOE, crowd control, area denial, and makeshift grenades, NKs can't.

And if NKs are AV then so is my cat

you're not a knifer until you knife a tank

I have, but that doesn't mean they're AV

Any tanker worth his salt will kill you before you've even scraped the paint

xavier zor's alt

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

Llast, what did you think of my little extract? Got any constructive criticism to share?

MOAR Ladders

SpadeGǪ Remember your Warbarge

Shoot scout with yes. - Ripley Riley (for CPM2)

Llast 326 wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

Llast, what did you think of my little extract? Got any constructive criticism to share?

Yup

Okay I am still interested and wanting to know more. So that is good it means I'll keep reading. Your language use and style are good. I would recommend draft and redraft what you have done after you've written more. Right now it's pretty short, but it's obviously not complete. I read what you said about the direction you are looking to take thingsGǪ that sounds awesome to me. Do you have a knowledge (rough or specific) of the political systems you are going to be working with. These things never exist in a vacuum so having some idea of how things play out, what influenced the current political meta and so forth will flesh out your setting and guid your writing to a degree.

Keep goingGǪ
I feel a little bad that you are doing such good work at the expense of frustration lol

• Amidst escalating tensions with rival gangs, Azel's younger sister is killed/taken hostage and most of the Rotten Snakes are wiped out. Grief stricken, Azel vows revenge against the gang leader who killed his sister and his friends. Azel is gifted with supernatural powers by some mysterious entity an uses his powers to become a powerful and feared assassin, and he accepts contracts to assassinate key political figures. Eventually, a massive plot usurp the king/start a rebellion/conquer the country is revealed, and Azel becomes involved in either actively stopping or encouraging it, for reasons yet to be thought of.


• Amidst escalating tensions with rival gangs, Azel's younger sister is killed/taken hostage and most of the Rotten Snakes are wiped out. Grief stricken, Azel vows revenge against the gang leader who killed his sister and his friends. Azel then gets involved in wizardry somehow and becomes a prominent magician.

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

MOAR Ladders

SpadeGǪ Remember your Warbarge

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

Llast 326 wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

Llast, what did you think of my little extract? Got any constructive criticism to share?

Yup

Okay I am still interested and wanting to know more. So that is good it means I'll keep reading. Your language use and style are good. I would recommend draft and redraft what you have done after you've written more. Right now it's pretty short, but it's obviously not complete. I read what you said about the direction you are looking to take thingsGǪ that sounds awesome to me. Do you have a knowledge (rough or specific) of the political systems you are going to be working with. These things never exist in a vacuum so having some idea of how things play out, what influenced the current political meta and so forth will flesh out your setting and guid your writing to a degree.

Keep goingGǪ
I feel a little bad that you are doing such good work at the expense of frustration lol

Thank you very much, and yeah, I'll probably redraft once I write more.

From the opening paragraph, you've probably already worked out that there are two classes of people: the respectable high-class people live on the east side of the Nenther River and the low-class people - including many gangs or guilds - live on the west side, in the Farrows. The high-class people have little concern for the lower-class, as you can see from how they often 'purge' the Farrows. This could lead to rioting. I'm also considering making the king detested by the people, which could lead to an uprising and usurping. Furthermore, it might be interesting to expand upon long-standing tensions with other countries, which could lead to all out war.

I know that I want Azel to escape the Farrows in some way and be extremely influential in what happens politically, though it probably won't be through conventional means.

These are the options I'm considering for plot development; perhaps you could help me make my mind up :

• Amidst escalating tensions with rival gangs, Azel's younger sister is killed/taken hostage and most of the Rotten Snakes are wiped out. Grief stricken, Azel vows revenge against the gang leader who killed his sister and his friends. Azel is gifted with supernatural powers by some mysterious entity an uses his powers to become a powerful and feared assassin, and he accepts contracts to assassinate key political figures. Eventually, a massive plot usurp the king/start a rebellion/conquer the country is revealed, and Azel becomes involved in either actively stopping or encouraging it, for reasons yet to be thought of.


• Amidst escalating tensions with rival gangs, Azel's younger sister is killed/taken hostage and most of the Rotten Snakes are wiped out. Grief stricken, Azel vows revenge against the gang leader who killed his sister and his friends. Azel then gets involved in wizardry somehow and becomes a prominent magician.

I DON'T KNOW!!! I can't think of anything!!! All my ideas sound stupid! Gah!

I either have too many ideas or not enough. I'm also finding it hard to take inspiration from other books WITHOUT directly copying the idea.

Pls help.

MOAR Ladders

SpadeGǪ Remember your Warbarge

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

I'm currently obsessed with this song.

BUILD MORE FARMS!

BUILD MORE FARMS!

Creator of the 'Nova Knifers United' channel

My Minja Blog

Caldari blood, Matari heart <3

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

I was just in a match against mr musturd.

I killed him four times with my ACR. No duels unfortunately. He did manage to stab me once though when he spawned in on the CRU I was hacking. He was running a Myo-stacked Scout MK.0. He went 7/14.

Former CEO of the Land of the BIind.

Any double entendre is unintended I assure you.

VAHZZ wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

I was just in a match against mr musturd.

I killed him four times with my ACR. No duels unfortunately. He did manage to stab me once though when he spawned in on the CRU I was hacking. He was running a Myo-stacked Scout MK.0. He went 7/14.

Somebody must've been playing for him.

"The Wrath of Rust is Immense. His Justice is Swift and Decisive. His Tolerance is Limited."

VAHZZ wrote:

Dreis ShadowWeaver wrote:

I'm currently obsessed with this song.

I just fuckin understood the lyrics. How the hell could i miss that?

BUILD MORE FARMS!