How it works: Lets say i wish million dollars. The next person says, "Granted, but even though you may have a million dollars... you live on an island with one store and all it has are shelves of 'The Wickerman' starring Nicholas Cage."

I wish for a better ISP.

Granted! ...but even though you have a better ISP, you're still going to die ugly and alone.

Did I do it right?

Granted... but I'm a literal genie and "empyrean" means "in or on the fire" so enjoy being a barbecue.

I wish for everlasting joy :3

granted, but your iq is reduced to 2 and your idea of joy is sticking your finger in your belly button.

i wish i never had to work. :s

granted, you have bacon.... 5 tons of frozen bacon fall out of an airplane and crush you to death. i wish i could get into a battle on dust!

granted, you have bacon.... 5 tons of frozen bacon fall out of an airplane and crush you to death. i wish i could get into a battle on dust!

Granted, having never heard of the game EVR it has now been created for you and now is available on Nintendo 64 and is an acronym that stands for Elementary Visions of Righteousness, it's purely a game where the set up is similar to Grand Theft Auto but you walk around town as you get mobbed by Elementary kids and their religious beliefs.

I wish everyone could travel to the moon!

Granted! everyone suffocates or is impaled by what was the air in their throats.
I wish I could fly a real spaceship!

Granted, bt a meteor crashes into the cockpit and you git sucked through the hole like a tube of toothpaste.

I wish that this wish and all others can't git demented or twisted around.

Granted, it shall not happen ever again..

I wish that Julius' wish never happened.

Granted! ...but even though you have a better ISP, you're still going to die ugly and alone.

Did I do it right?

Granted, but you're wish is wasted due to time being incapable of being rewritten.

Make a new wish darn it!

Granted, it shall not happen ever again..

I wish that Julius' wish never happened.

Granted. You just can't ever catch one as they've all gained a massive boost in speed.

I wish I could decorate my living quarters.

Granted... But you are limited to some shade of poo brown for the walls with an IMPswarm motif, a box of assorted glass circus clown figurines, and the only optional furniture is a sofa that looks like some hobo's had conjugal visits on top of... and inside.

I wish for a bottle that never ran out of water.

granted, but when you become invisible, everyone talks behind your back with demoralizing comments that will eventually lower your self esteem until you are a shell of your former life.


I wish I would never run out of suits or vehicles in dust

Granted, here is some militia BPO's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdvUR67nZs0

I wish i my glasses were not all bent and on the verge of breaking.

Granted, but the sun went out and now we all have to use the sound of squids going "SPLAT" when you throw them (like sonar) to know hwere you are. So glasses are now obsolete.

I wish i had x-ray vision. That only sees through clothes.

Granted... but now everyone where's body armor not clothe

I wish everyone was dead even me.

You did it right, but you will do everything else in your life wrong.

I wish I was an actual Empyrean in New Eden.

Granted you die horribly along with the rest of us and re spawn at the nearest CRU

I wish bloobys had an IQ higher the -2

Granted, here is some militia BPO's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdvUR67nZs0

I wish i my glasses were not all bent and on the verge of breaking.

I wish for 15 more lamps with genies inside of them.

Granted! but they are cannibals and eat you as you rub on the lamps.

I wish I could control time!

Granted but everything you use got nerfed so bad they heal your enemies.

I wish I had an unlimited supply of money.

@bojo- it now opposite day, due to the fact that it is opposite day, it is not opposite day, but because its not opposite day due to it being opposite day it is opposite day... (congratulations you are now stuck in an infinite loop.)
.

The beauty of it is, that when it's not opposite day, that means you failed to grant me your wish and the wish granter themselves fails to do their job by in fact granting a wish, they can no longer grant wishes, this thread has come to a [/thread]

The beauty of it is, that when it's not opposite day, that means you failed to grant me your wish and the wish granter themselves fails to do their job by in fact granting a wish, they can no longer grant wishes, this thread has come to a [/thread]

No wish was made.

I wish the user above me made a wish :(

I wish I had 9,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 SP and Isk!

Granted but your parents still don't love you.

I wish for Bojo's Paradox to resolve itself.

granted but the universe just exploded.

I wish mith would stop trying to kill everyone.

i wish mith would stop confusing me

Granted but Bojo's request for opposite day applies equally to your granting my request for the resolution of the paradox, causing the permanent negation of a resolution to the paradox. The thread is now in a superposition of states. It is both opposite day and the opposite of opposite day, simultaneously. Until the function collapses, the status of wishes cannot be determined until the results of the wish is observed but the result of the wish cannot be observed because of the opposite day component of the equation which would cause the wish result to be unobservable.

Therefore! Don Von Hulio's parents have exploded and the universe doesn't love him.

Also, your wish is granted but [edited out because it changed the layout of the forum. I divided by zero.]

I wish.

I have literally no counter to that.

all these damn paradox's are making my head hurt

Granted, but you now learn it wasnt the thread that gave you a headache, but a tumor.

I wish for more Sharpshooter skills.

Am I the best or what?

I wish I didn't just make this wish I'm making right now

Please, just tell me when to stop
EDIT: Hell I'll never top the original. As Mithridates said, as well as I. How can you continue to grant wishes when granting them actually fails to grant them?

what wish?


HA!

i wish i had a jovian titan

Your wish is granted, oh no CCP found out PERMABAN

NOOO!!!

i wish i was UN-permabanned

Granted, but the lady in black will never sleep with you.

I wish that we could meet aliens.

granted, But you no longer have money to afford the game.

I wish that everyone's wishes are no longer corrupted, Including this and all future wishes!

i wish mith would stop confusing me

I wish I knew what to wish for...

Granted. But as a result of 'realism', the entire world is turned into a cartoon land. It's also a childs cartoon (ages 3+), and Dust/EvE was not invented, to keep it as least violent as possible. In doing that: You ruined everyone's free time, so go sit in the corner and think about your life.

I wish I had a wish so amazing, no one would dare corrupt it.

I also wish that Dropsuits had only a 2x Point Multiplier, and Triple SP lasted for eternity.

i wish for next years fanfest to drink dry iceland

Granted! but you are disapointed to hear they a deleting dust and EVE forever.

I wish for all my enemies to disappear!

granted, but all your friends and family too

i wish eve and dust would never die

granted! but your ps3 exploded and sony forbid you from getting a new one.

i wish i were so funny that everybody would litteraly **** their pants.

granted, but ony YOU can smell it

(lso, oh well to my PS3, PS4 comming out, HA!)

lol

going with a classic

i wish i had a million bucks

Granted! but you are in debt with your countrys taxes and looses everything and all your stuff.

i wish that i would be the luckiest person in the world

i wish i was the ruler of the world (have fun with this one)

Granted. But you can't interact with it in any way. No sammich for you.

I wish people thought I was an amazing Demolitions (I can already think of one thing, I'll edit it in when this gets answered, as to not ruin the game...). :D

Granted, but you aren't actually good and you blow yourself up.

I wish I knew everything.

Granted, you now know that your mother was incestuos and slept with her parents and that your father likes playing with little boys, oh and you go insane.

I wish that I dropships had countermeasures.

Granted, but now ARs can one shot them. (Though that's not much of a change )

I wish that trolling didn't exist and the internet existed as a bastion of peace, harmony, and goodwill across the world.

lol, granted, but now the Real world goes to hell and china and the U.S. start a nuclear apocolypse


i wish i had super strength

Granted, but your muscles are so huge you are rendered immobile.

I wish people wouldnt call/text me when im in the bathroom.

granted! but now they are going to call/text/whatever while you are in your "private moment".

i wish i would live in star wars but immortal like in eve or dust.

granted, but the two univereses collide and explode now

congradulations, you killed BOTH genres

I wish lord would post a wish so I could jump onto this thread

Granted, but someone else wished for it anyways.


I wish I was never granted a wish.

I wish people would stop making paradoxes in their posts.

Granted! but you were too late and the universe exploded.
I wish I could fluently speak all languages in the universe!

You can, but you are actually now a computer with no emotions, personality or desires.


I wish that this game had all the guns and suits that it should have had when it goes live.

i wish the universe would never die

Granted! But you never specified which universe so all the stars go out and it dies anyway.

I wish I had a lifetime supply of video games.

Granted, but you become so enthralled, that your forget to eat, drink, sleep, or go to the bathroom, and die.
I wish I was a shotgun monkey

granted, but it shoots you in the face killing you




i wish i was the new owner of playboys

Granted, the magazines are in the mail- 2 billion dollar subscription fee for you.

I wish to command army of wish-granting genie thralls

granted, but it shoots you in the face killing you




i wish i was the new owner of playboys

granted, but they're all EVIL genies that grant only curses


i wish i owned hollywood

[Lord-of-the-Dreadfort]


granted, but they're all EVIL genies that grant only curses


i wish i owned hollywood

i wish this thread had never existed

Granted: Paradox!
I granted your wish, but in doing so, that means that history was altered so that you never made the wish to have this thread never exist, so the thread still exists and we are caught in the infinite loop of paradox because you wished this thread never existed which causes you to never make the wish....

BOOM!

I wish that who ever grants this wish, wishes that who ever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, wishes that whoever grants their wish, that the first wish was never wished.

Granted. Only the theory of multiple dimensions/realities has been recently proven. Which means even though this dimension there is a paradox which stops this thread, but in the vast infinite amount of dimensions this thread still continues... my lead scientists say just to continue like the paradox never happened because of this fact.

Lol @ dreadfort. Probably has the most posts in this thread. Must be a love hate thing. XD

Edit: I wish the edit flag wouldnt show when you edit a post.

I wish i had a damn sofa to lounge on in dust.

Granted! but it has spikes under the seat and is extremely painful to sit on.
I wish I never had to work.

this looks fun

i wish wishes didn't work

Your wish has been granted, now read the OP for the rest of the details.

I wish people had a sense of humor.

Granted but it eats all your bacon and then eats you

I wish that that bacon gave people superpowers.

I fell on it and saved the bacon

granted, but since everyone is super....no ones super (props if you get the quote)


i wish warlord converted to the faith of the holy bacon

granted, but since everyone is super....no ones super (props if you get the quote)


i wish warlord converted to the faith of the holy bacon

Granted, but in doing so, he angers the bacon god with his weird posts, and sends the bacon angels to destroy mankind, and so begins the war of bacon heaven and earth.

I wish I was the bacon god and I controlled the flow of bacon to you foolish mortals.

Granted, but you are the Tofu Bacon God (even the Turkey Bacon God is above you)... sadly, all you really control is a few select schools who deem the good stuff too un-healthy. Must get lonely up there...

I wish sleep wasnt for the weak, and i could stay up alll night with no negative long term affects... like death.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! For this you must be punished. So, granted, but without having to sleep for 6 to 8 hours a day, the human race becomes more productive, thereby speeding up the pace of technological advancement and hastening the production of nuclear weapons in developing countries. Iran, North Korea and China band together and declare war upon the United states, creating the nuclear apocalypse. Congratulations.

I wish there was no such thing as tofu bacon.

NNNNOOOOO

i have to grant it, so granted. but now there's NO bacon of any type



i wish slypies wish was changed to something else

Granted, he now wishes that you had an uncontrollable urge to belly dance and sing loudly(and badly) in public. ()

I wish assault dropships didn't cost so much

Granted, but you are the Tofu Bacon God (even the Turkey Bacon God is above you)... sadly, all you really control is a few select schools who deem the good stuff too un-healthy. Must get lonely up there...

I wish sleep wasnt for the weak, and i could stay up alll night with no negative long term affects... like death.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! For this you must be punished. So, granted, but without having to sleep for 6 to 8 hours a day, the human race becomes more productive, thereby speeding up the pace of technological advancement and hastening the production of nuclear weapons in developing countries. Iran, North Korea and China band together and declare war upon the United states, creating the nuclear apocalypse. Congratulations.

I wish there was no such thing as tofu bacon.

lmao, i'd pay it


and granted, but they cause food poisoning


i wish poloticians weren't corrupt amoral sleezbags

No previous wish.

I wish for my wish to be corrupted somehow.

Granted, but in doing so, he angers the bacon god with his weird posts, and sends the bacon angels to destroy mankind, and so begins the war of bacon heaven and earth.
I wish I was the bacon god and I controlled the flow of bacon to you foolish mortals.

Granted, But America turned In to an Empire. with only one ruler. NO POLITICIANS!

I wish I could a lot of reddots and not die, or have CCP bring back the range on the HMG

this one doesn't count as you didn't answer mine, but i agree

but it will not work

bah! only thread i DIDN'T want de-railed


i wish warlord comments were all deleted from this thread

You're wish is my command master.

Yes my master, What should I do now?

i wish you would follow the OP's rules


(no grant the wish but ruin it)

Yes my master, What should I do now?

This thread is getting kinky.

This thread is getting kinky.

Yes my master.
I wish I had A few hounded cats.

Granted however they are dead cats.

I wish for a million aurum!

Edit: Recently my scientists have discovered and infinite amount of alternate dimensions/realities (pg.6). Which makes this thread immune to Paradox's or Opposite Day Schemes or any wish that tries to stop wishes. The scientists just say to continue like the "paradox's" never happened since the thread is still alive and paradox free in many other dimensions.

granted, but of course a robot comes to kill you and you call the police. This is a recording of the following telephone call.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI39iF_bXK4



I wish this thread was not immune to paradoxes...........I win

i wish i could have cake and eat it too

Granted, but when you finish it you explode leaving a waiter named Gaston to clean up the mess (bonus points for spotting reference).

I wish I could fly

i wish i could lasso tornados (props if you saw the old movie i am referencing)

Granted, but Pecos Bill wants his schtick back and your Merc is now called Melody Time until you die.


I wish I was on water skis wearing swim trunks, a leather jacket, and jumping over a shark.

[quote=XxWarlordxX97]
Deleted

I wish I could a lot of reddots and not die, or have CCP bring back the range on the HMG

Not going to happen

LMAO

i am leaving, see you later guys, and general tiberius? you're amazing

never going to say that, Bacon

already did, bwahahahaha!!!

sandwiches

bacon sandwiches

granted, but the pizza has E-coli in it, and the beer has horse ****


i wish i had the keys to Ft. Knox

Granted! but they didn't tell you that war was declared and the fort was nuked to wipe out the U.S. gold supply while you were wondering why it was empty.

I wish there was no such thing as cancer!

Granted, but when doctors thought they had discovered the cure and distributed it to all cancer patients, they failed to realize that the cure actually muted the virus and sped up the growth. The cancer reaches the patients brain, killing off all drives except the drive to eat, effectively turning them into zombies. Congratulations. I wish I controlled an army of robot minions that could not turn against me and they had laser eyes and lazer guns and were indestructible and stuff.

i wish i had a tank

Granted, you are now on the news running from 30+ cops with help from the military on its way. There is no ammo inside the tank... filling up may be an issue too.

I wish i grew more powerful as more QQ threads are posted.

Granted, but by some miracle, CCP ACTUALLY BALANCES ALL THE WEAPONS!!! Jk, thats impossible.

AR damage needs a nerf

Your wish has been.....denied.

You didn't make a wish.

I wish people would stop QQing about Uprising changes that they haven't even been able to test yet.

Granted, but the weapons in Uprising suck, and after holding in all those tears, the QQrs storm the forum with their complaints. There are so many, that the QQ takes on mass and collapses in on itself, turning into a black whole and destroying the milky way galaxy. Congratulations.

I wish I could play Dust all the time.

Granted, real life is altered and you now physically live in New Eden, so you will be "playing" your entire life. You are not immortal, however, and you get OHK'd by a Thale's TAR in your first battle and stay dead forever.

I wish we could have all the new weapons on the sixth instead of the fourteenth.

granted, but your mercenaries get infected and eat you


i wish we had book burning for the twilight series

Granted, but the flames from the pyre spread so fast that they burn everyone in the vicinity to death, including you.

I wish blueberries wouldn't prematurely bleed out.

Granted, but then teenagers have nothing to read, and society becomes that of the book Fahrenheit 451.

I wish my mercenaries were also imune.

granted but its your wish that u never want to go through puberty which u made when u were 1?
i wish to be the scariest scout ever

granted but the cod fanboys get so angry at lag they destroy the internet so no one can play
i wish for a sniper rifle that fires tian doomsday weapons and plays smooth jazz when im waiting

granted, but you blow yourself up.

I wish I had a bacon samwich.

granted there is a nade in it