DUST Search - Jokes.......things that make you laugh!

Spademan wrote:

Sned TheDead wrote:

Spademan wrote:

So I was chatting to a few friends of mine about colours. We got on to talking about the theories that no two people see colour the same way.

If that's true, then I guess it's all just a pigment of our imagination.

heh, word play :D

It's my favourite kind of humour.

Long ago, three kingdoms bordered a lake. They each had fought countless battles to control the island in the centre. One day, to settle the dispute once and for all.

The first kingdom was very wealthy and sent out a large number of it's finest soldiers, each with three squires. The night before they threw a lavish party ahead of their anticipated success. The second kingdom was wealthy too, though less so than the first and sent a modest number of knights with squires each. They had confidence in their skills when compared to the first and they too had a party the night before. The third kingdom was very poor and sent only an elderly knight and his squire. The night before the squire looped a rope into a noose and hung a pot high over the fire to cook a modest meal.

The following day the knights from the first two kingdoms had partied to much and were unable to fight in the battle, whilst the elderly knight from the third kingdom couldn't be roused from his sleep. The squires went to fight in their stead.

The battle raged on well into the late hours of the day. Finally the battlefield settled and a lone figure stood above the bodies of the rest. Bloody and bruised, the squire of the elderly knight stood victorious.

Which proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

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Kail Mako Capital Acquisitions LLC 131	Posted - 2015.10.27 11:38:00 - [91] - Quote A man walks into a bar. It hurt. SPOILER ALERT! THIS NEXT JOKE IS HELLA OFFENSIVE, AND I DO NOT WISH TO DEVALUE THE TRAGEDIES THAT TOOK PLACE HERE. The Boston Bombers did better than Hit ler (can't believe that's censored). They took out a whole race! Officially recognized for advancing the science of getting bent.
Sned TheDead Failures inc. 1	Posted - 2015.10.27 14:32:00 - [92] - Quote Kail Mako wrote: A man walks into a bar. It hurt. SPOILER ALERT! THIS NEXT JOKE IS HELLA OFFENSIVE, AND I DO NOT WISH TO DEVALUE THE TRAGEDIES THAT TOOK PLACE HERE. The Boston Bombers did better than Hit ler (can't believe that's censored). They took out a whole race! thats good, that is very good.... I'ma use that one... MUSIC! Sned T. Dead
Radiant Pancake3 KILL-EM-QUICK 1	Posted - 2015.10.27 19:27:00 - [93] - Quote Oh... Learned the ways of N4g from Alcina's mom Deemed the most Kinkiest Corp Mate. Min Loyalist.
Kail Mako Capital Acquisitions LLC 132	Posted - 2015.10.28 01:25:00 - [94] - Quote Hit detection. Officially recognized for advancing the science of getting bent.
jerrmy12 kahoalii G0DS AM0NG MEN 1	Posted - 2015.10.28 14:38:00 - [95] - Quote Kail Mako wrote: Hit detection. minmatar scout Closed beta vet. ~~~!_~@-------THE~!!!)__SUN~!@(J)~((@RISES.~)(@#~!(~)~))(#~))()))))))__!
Derrith Erador Fatal Absolution 3	Posted - 2015.10.30 13:06:00 - [96] - Quote How do you castrate a redneck? Kick his sister in the teeth! Why did God make armadillos? So rednecks could have possum on the half shell. How many rednecks does it take to eat roadkill? Two, one to eat the roadkill, the other to watch for oncoming traffic. You see three rednecks buried up to their necks in cement, what should you do? Get more cement! 99% of what Derrith says is stupidity. -D3lta Blitzkrieg I like whales
Kail Mako Capital Acquisitions LLC 185	Posted - 2015.10.31 04:56:00 - [97] - Quote Why do they call it an enchilada? An inch isn't a lot. Officially recognized for advancing the science of getting bent.
Kail Mako Capital Acquisitions LLC 185	Posted - 2015.10.31 09:53:00 - [98] - Quote What's the best scanner? A nanite injector, because then you'll know when there's a scout with a shotgun killing your buddies behind you. Officially recognized for advancing the science of getting bent.
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.10.31 14:31:00 - [99] - Quote The New Driver and the Freeway Signs A policeman pulls over a car with a new driver.... Policeman: "Ok Ma'am, this is a 55 MPH freeway -- why were you driving so slow?" Driver: "Officer, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 55." Policeman: "Are you a new driver?" Driver: "Yes, I just got my driver's license last week." Policeman: "Well, Ma'am, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the freeway that you're on! You are driving on the 22 freeway!" Driver: "Oh! Silly me! Thank you for letting me know. I'll be more careful." Then the policeman looks in the back seat, and he sees that the new driver's friends are shaking and crying! Policeman: "One more thing, Ma'am... what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking really bad, and they are crying!" Driver: "Oh, it's nothing serious, we just turned off of Highway 125." Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.10.31 14:35:00 - [100] - Quote The Accident There was this Hell's Angel riding down the road on his motorcycle last winter. He was wearing a leather jacket that had a broken zipper. He finally stopped the bike and thought to himself, "Man, I can't drive anymore with the cold air hitting me in my chest." So he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. He continued driving and came around a bend in the road, lost control and wrecked, coincidentally, right in front of Boudreaux's house. Boudreaux happened to see what happened, and called the State Police to report the accident. The Trooper on the phone asked him, "Is the guy showing any sign of life?" "Well," Boudreaux told him, "He was until I turned his head around the right way!" Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!

Spademan 8	Posted - 2015.10.31 19:23:00 - [101] - Quote So I was chatting to a few friends of mine about colours. We got on to talking about the theories that no two people see colour the same way. If that's true, then I guess it's all just a pigment of our imagination. What're you looking at me like that for? I'll shank you I will.
Sned TheDead Failures inc. 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 04:56:00 - [102] - Quote Spademan wrote: So I was chatting to a few friends of mine about colours. We got on to talking about the theories that no two people see colour the same way. If that's true, then I guess it's all just a pigment of our imagination. heh, word play :D MUSIC! Sned T. Dead
duster 35000 532	Posted - 2015.11.01 14:41:00 - [103] - Quote >situation >words >joke i do good? I can't wait to first tanks We'll bang ok?
duster 35000 532	Posted - 2015.11.01 14:45:00 - [104] - Quote Jamie Survivors wrote: The Accident There was this Hell's Angel riding down the road on his motorcycle last winter. He was wearing a leather jacket that had a broken zipper. He finally stopped the bike and thought to himself, "Man, I can't drive anymore with the cold air hitting me in my chest." So he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. He continued driving and came around a bend in the road, lost control and wrecked, coincidentally, right in front of Boudreaux's house. Boudreaux happened to see what happened, and called the State Police to report the accident. The Trooper on the phone asked him, "Is the guy showing any sign of life?" "Well," Boudreaux told him, "He was until I turned his head around the right way!" oh you, caught me off guard I can't wait to first tanks We'll bang ok?
Jonny D Buelle The Warlords Legion 2	Posted - 2015.11.01 15:10:00 - [105] - Quote So there is this old mantinence worker who has been working every single day of his life since he turned 13. He knows how to fix just about anything. Anyway this old man, he dies and he shows up to St. Peter's gate. St. Peter looks at the man and says "Look, you seem like a nice guy, but you sinned on Earth, so I got to send you to hell." So this old man was thrown into Hell. When he got there, the place was so ******* hot, you could cook a boiled egg in your own sweat. The man looked around for a bit and found the problem, the AC had been broken for a few thousand years. So he did a little tinkering and fixrd it. Now Hell wasn't so damn hot. The man then decided he wanted to lounge by the lake, so he walked down to the lake, only to find it was on fire! He tracked the problem down to a leaky gas line that caught fire. So he patched up the leak, put out the fire, and after about a week, the lake was nice and beautiful. After about a month or two, God decided to go to hell to check up on things and see how Satan was doing. As he walked around he noticed that it was now like paradise. It wasn't to hot and the lake was nice and beautiful, hell even the demons were happy and enjoying themselves while sunbathing. God called out to Satan and said, "What in my son's name is going on here? This place is suppose to be Hell, not a 5 star resort." "Well," said Satan, "there is this old man who fixed everything, now it ain't so bad here." "Well, he derserves to be in Heaven!" God said, "and if you don't hand him over, I'll sue your ass off!" And Satan said: "Good luck finding a lawyer in heaven!" Director of T-W-L Keeper of the List Lord of Scrubs
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 16:10:00 - [106] - Quote duster 35000 wrote: >situation >words >joke i do good? It Depends! Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!
duster 35000 534	Posted - 2015.11.01 16:12:00 - [107] - Quote you little ****, i had a chuckle I can't wait to first tanks We'll bang ok?
duster 35000 534	Posted - 2015.11.01 16:13:00 - [108] - Quote Jamie Survivors wrote: duster 35000 wrote: >situation >words >joke i do good? It Depends! >arirve at location >proceed to tell funny joke >everyone laugh >while everyone is laughing, fade to black I can't wait to first tanks We'll bang ok?
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 16:14:00 - [109] - Quote Jonny D Buelle wrote: So there is this old mantinence worker who has been working every single day of his life since he turned 13. He knows how to fix just about anything. Anyway this old man, he dies and he shows up to St. Peter's gate. St. Peter looks at the man and says "Look, you seem like a nice guy, but you sinned on Earth, so I got to send you to hell." So this old man was thrown into Hell. When he got there, the place was so ***** hot, you could cook a boiled egg in your own sweat. The man looked around for a bit and found the problem, the AC had been broken for a few thousand years. So he did a little tinkering and fixrd it. Now Hell wasn't so damn hot. The man then decided he wanted to lounge by the lake, so he walked down to the lake, only to find it was on fire! He tracked the problem down to a leaky gas line that caught fire. So he patched up the leak, put out the fire, and after about a week, the lake was nice and beautiful. After about a month or two, God decided to go to hell to check up on things and see how Satan was doing. As he walked around he noticed that it was now like paradise. It wasn't to hot and the lake was nice and beautiful, hell even the demons were happy and enjoying themselves while sunbathing. God called out to Satan and said, "What in my son's name is going on here? This place is suppose to be Hell, not a 5 star resort." "Well," said Satan, "there is this old man who fixed everything, now it ain't so bad here." "Well, he derserves to be in Heaven!" God said, "and if you don't hand him over, I'll sue your ass off!" And Satan said: "Good luck finding a lawyer in heaven!" Lol ***** lawyers! Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 16:24:00 - [110] - Quote A man was walking along Main Street when he found a penguin walking along the road near the river, so he picked it up and took it to the local police station. He told the policeman at the desk, "I found this penguin on Main Street, near the river. What should I do with it?" The policeman looked at the man and said, "It's obvious what you should do with it! Take the penguin to the City Zoo!" The man said, "Oh, of course! I'll take it to the zoo." and he left the police station with the penguin under his arm. The next day the policeman was on duty on Main Street when he saw the same man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said, "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo?" The man replied, "Yes, I did. I took the penguin to the zoo yesterday. We had a lot of fun! Today we're going to the City Museum!" Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!

Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 16:33:00 - [111] - Quote One day a couple years ago I was sitting in a classroom. Well curious was the class instructor wanted To know where we was from.... Well he asked the first two guys and they replied city and state where they lived. Then there was this older man about 65. He said wow sir you the oldest here I bet you've been around..... so where you from? He replies well... In from my Momma's P.U.S.S.Y! Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!
Jonny D Buelle The Warlords Legion 2	Posted - 2015.11.01 16:46:00 - [112] - Quote NSFW: So there's this nude beach, right, and this dirty old man was laying naked sun bathing and he notices he is the only guy there and he gets a bit hard. As soon as he gets hard, this beautiful, innocent, 18 year old girl walks up to him, points to his erected member and says, "Excuse me, but whats that?" "Oh," said the man, "havn't you seen one before?" "No, what is it?" "It's my pet snake, you can play with him if you want," replied the old man jokingly. "Okay," she said and the girl then gets on her knees and started to stroke his member. The guy ends up passing out due to blood being in the other head. A few hours later the man woke up in hostipal, and his d.ck hurt badly. Looking around he saw the girl, so he asked "What happened?" And the girl said: "I was playing with your pet snake when it started spitting venom at me, so I bit it's head off!" Director of T-W-L Keeper of the List Lord of Scrubs
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 17:00:00 - [113] - Quote duster 35000 wrote: Jamie Survivors wrote: duster 35000 wrote: >situation >words >joke i do good? It Depends! >arirve at location >proceed to tell funny joke >everyone laugh >while everyone is laughing, fade to black You didn't catch my previous statement did you? (Depends) haha got em' winks Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!
duster 35000 535	Posted - 2015.11.01 18:16:00 - [114] - Quote Jamie Survivors wrote: duster 35000 wrote: Jamie Survivors wrote: duster 35000 wrote: >situation >words >joke i do good? It Depends! >arirve at location >proceed to tell funny joke >everyone laugh >while everyone is laughing, fade to black You didn't catch my previous statement did you? (Depends) haha got em' winks oh, you mean the segsual innuendo? I can't wait to first tanks We'll bang ok?
duster 35000 535	Posted - 2015.11.01 18:17:00 - [115] - Quote Jonny D Buelle wrote: NSFW: So there's this nude beach, right, and this dirty old man was laying naked sun bathing and he notices he is the only guy there and he gets a bit hard. As soon as he gets hard, this beautiful, innocent, 18 year old girl walks up to him, points to his erected member and says, "Excuse me, but whats that?" "Oh," said the man, "havn't you seen one before?" "No, what is it?" "It's my pet snake, you can play with him if you want," replied the old man jokingly. "Okay," she said and the girl then gets on her knees and started to stroke his member. The guy ends up passing out due to blood being in the other head. A few hours later the man woke up in hostipal, and his d.ck hurt badly. Looking around he saw the girl, so he asked "What happened?" And the girl said: "I was playing with your pet snake when it started spitting venom at me, so I bit it's head off!" too bad that's made up I can't wait to first tanks We'll bang ok?
Spademan 8	Posted - 2015.11.01 22:57:00 - [116] - Quote Sned TheDead wrote: Spademan wrote: So I was chatting to a few friends of mine about colours. We got on to talking about the theories that no two people see colour the same way. If that's true, then I guess it's all just a pigment of our imagination. heh, word play :D It's my favourite kind of humour. Long ago, three kingdoms bordered a lake. They each had fought countless battles to control the island in the centre. One day, to settle the dispute once and for all. The first kingdom was very wealthy and sent out a large number of it's finest soldiers, each with three squires. The night before they threw a lavish party ahead of their anticipated success. The second kingdom was wealthy too, though less so than the first and sent a modest number of knights with squires each. They had confidence in their skills when compared to the first and they too had a party the night before. The third kingdom was very poor and sent only an elderly knight and his squire. The night before the squire looped a rope into a noose and hung a pot high over the fire to cook a modest meal. The following day the knights from the first two kingdoms had partied to much and were unable to fight in the battle, whilst the elderly knight from the third kingdom couldn't be roused from his sleep. The squires went to fight in their stead. The battle raged on well into the late hours of the day. Finally the battlefield settled and a lone figure stood above the bodies of the rest. Bloody and bruised, the squire of the elderly knight stood victorious. Which proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides. What're you looking at me like that for? I'll shank you I will.
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 23:43:00 - [117] - Quote duster 35000 wrote: Jamie Survivors wrote: duster 35000 wrote: Jamie Survivors wrote: duster 35000 wrote: >situation >words >joke i do good? It Depends! >arirve at location >proceed to tell funny joke >everyone laugh >while everyone is laughing, fade to black You didn't catch my previous statement did you? (Depends) haha got em' winks oh, you mean the segsual innuendo? Umm those pad things you put on when you are unable to control your bodily discharges! Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.01 23:45:00 - [118] - Quote Would Marie Remarry? "Marie," Boudreaux whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?" "Mais, yeh, I guess," she replied. "Would you sleep in de same bed with him?" "Well, it's de only bed in de house, so I guess I'd have to." "Would you make love to him?" "Cher," Marie said patiently, "I guess, since he'd be my husband." "Would you give him my pickum-up truck?" "No, Boudreaux. I wouldn't never give him your pickum-up truck." she yawned, "Besides, he don't know how to drive a stick shift." Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!
Sned TheDead Failures inc. 1	Posted - 2015.11.02 03:54:00 - [119] - Quote Spademan wrote: Sned TheDead wrote: Spademan wrote: So I was chatting to a few friends of mine about colours. We got on to talking about the theories that no two people see colour the same way. If that's true, then I guess it's all just a pigment of our imagination. heh, word play :D It's my favourite kind of humour. Long ago, three kingdoms bordered a lake. They each had fought countless battles to control the island in the centre. One day, to settle the dispute once and for all. The first kingdom was very wealthy and sent out a large number of it's finest soldiers, each with three squires. The night before they threw a lavish party ahead of their anticipated success. The second kingdom was wealthy too, though less so than the first and sent a modest number of knights with squires each. They had confidence in their skills when compared to the first and they too had a party the night before. The third kingdom was very poor and sent only an elderly knight and his squire. The night before the squire looped a rope into a noose and hung a pot high over the fire to cook a modest meal. The following day the knights from the first two kingdoms had partied to much and were unable to fight in the battle, whilst the elderly knight from the third kingdom couldn't be roused from his sleep. The squires went to fight in their stead. The battle raged on well into the late hours of the day. Finally the battlefield settled and a lone figure stood above the bodies of the rest. Bloody and bruised, the squire of the elderly knight stood victorious. Which proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides. oh my god, you didf not just make that joke.... fuckin brilliant lmao MUSIC! Sned T. Dead
Jamie Survivors 1	Posted - 2015.11.15 18:58:00 - [120] - Quote Bump Director of Y.A.M.A.H Watch your back, I'm the footsteps you hear before getting whacked!



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