A blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learned how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5, 6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?" "Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. "Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks. "Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says. Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?" "Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks. "Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says. Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" "No darling, it's because you're 25."

Back in the early 80's Chevy Chase was one of the stars on Password. Toward the end of the game this black woman was ahead in points so she and Chevy were paired togetherfor the final part. He said the key word and she responded. Like this... he said calf, she said cow. Then it was kid, and she said goat. Finally he said doe, she said knob. Chevy busted into laughter.... He laughed so hard they didnt even get the chance to finish the game. Doe...Knob

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!"

???? What.... haha Is that your joke!

haha thanks Sned, I'm a bit behind on all the abbreviations! all this eWar and CQC and whatever else is used I get lost in reading and understanding because I don't know what the stand for!

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you." The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?" The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?" The brother replied, "Denephew."

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. 'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.' She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?' (you're gonna love this) The bank manager looks back at her and says... 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.' (You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........) Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!

i am very temped to post the fetish warnings of something i've seen that someone wrote...

want a link to it? it's funny because someone actually wrote it. 40 chapters
alright, you asked for it








Story contains anal, asphyxiation, babycon, bestiality, birth, blood, blow jobs, boiling in oil, bondage, bone breakage, bukkake, cooking, crushing, cunninglingus, decapitation, dismemberment, drowning, electrocution, execution, fetuscon, foalcon, futa, gangrape, gutting, hanging, hard vore, horn sex, impalement, impregnation, incest, mind control, multi-penetration, murder, necrophilia, orgies, public, R8pe, scat, soul vore, tentacles, unbirthing, vaginal, violence, virginity, vomiting, vore, warfare, watersports, zombies

message my psn for it

How could that be?

On our Fanfic or something else?

just so you know, that's not even autism's final form

A man walks into a bar. It hurt.

SPOILER ALERT! THIS NEXT JOKE IS HELLA OFFENSIVE, AND I DO NOT WISH TO DEVALUE THE TRAGEDIES THAT TOOK PLACE HERE.

The Boston Bombers did better than Hit ler (can't believe that's censored). They took out a whole race!

So I was chatting to a few friends of mine about colours. We got on to talking about the theories that no two people see colour the same way.

If that's true, then I guess it's all just a pigment of our imagination.

It's my favourite kind of humour.


Long ago, three kingdoms bordered a lake. They each had fought countless battles to control the island in the centre. One day, to settle the dispute once and for all.

The first kingdom was very wealthy and sent out a large number of it's finest soldiers, each with three squires. The night before they threw a lavish party ahead of their anticipated success. The second kingdom was wealthy too, though less so than the first and sent a modest number of knights with squires each. They had confidence in their skills when compared to the first and they too had a party the night before. The third kingdom was very poor and sent only an elderly knight and his squire. The night before the squire looped a rope into a noose and hung a pot high over the fire to cook a modest meal.

The following day the knights from the first two kingdoms had partied to much and were unable to fight in the battle, whilst the elderly knight from the third kingdom couldn't be roused from his sleep. The squires went to fight in their stead.

The battle raged on well into the late hours of the day. Finally the battlefield settled and a lone figure stood above the bodies of the rest. Bloody and bruised, the squire of the elderly knight stood victorious.

Which proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

What happens when you breed a bulldog and a shitzu?

Haha you got it!