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Jonny D Buelle
Mors Effera
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Posted - 2015.09.02 21:21:00 -
[1] - Quote
A bus full of ginger's crashed into the river, not a soul was found.
Give me my Plasma Flamethrower or give me a cookie!
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Jonny D Buelle
The Warlords Legion
No Context
2
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Posted - 2015.10.01 04:21:00 -
[2] - Quote
Posted this in another joke thread:
So there is this saw mill in Ireland where they have this really wierd rule about amputations. The rule is thst if you cut your finger off, you stick it up your ass to stop the bleeding.
One day, Patty and Mick were working at the mill one day, Patty slipped and cut his finger off on one of the saw blades. He freaked out, pulled down his pants, and shoved his finger up his ass and pulled it out. It was still bleeding!
He freaked put even more and turned to Mick, saying: "Mick, I cut me bloody finger off, I shoved it up me ass and it's still bleeding."
Mick thought about it and then said, "You better shove it up me ass then." So he bent over, Patty shoved his finger up his ass and pulled it out. It was still bleeding, so Mick said "This is serious, you better show the foreman."
So Patty walks all the way over to the other side of the factory to see the foreman. He then said, "Foreman, I cut me bloody finger off, I shoved it up me ass, still bleeding, shoved it up Micks ass, and its still bleeding!"
The Foreman thought about it foe a second, then said: "You better shove it up me ass then!" So the Forement bent over, and he shoved it up his ass. When he pulled it out, it was still bleeding. "This is very serious," said the Foreman, "you better go to the manager!"
So Patty walked all the way over to the manager's office. When he got inside he explained: "I cut me bloody finger off, shoved it up me ass, still bleeding, shoved it up Mick's ass, still bleeding, shoved it up the Foreman's ass, and it's still f.cking bleeding!"
The manager stood up and said, "This is serious, better shove it up me ass!" So the Foreman bent over, Patty shoved it up his ass, pulled it out and it was still bleeding. "This is very serious," the manager said, "you better go see the nurse!"
So Patty walked over to the Nurse's office. When he got in, she asked him "What is the matter Patty?"
Patty took in a deep breathe, then said: "I cut me bloody finger off, shoved it up me ass, still bleeding, shoved it up Mick's ass, still bleeding, shoved it up Foreman's ass, still bleeding, shoved it up the Manager's ass, and it's still f.cking bleeding!"
The nurse thought about it, then said: "Well you better shove it up me ass!" So she stood up, bent over the desk and lifted her skirt. A minute later she screams "Patty! That's not me ass!"
And Patty says: "That's not me finger!"
Director of T-W-L
Keeper of the List
Lord of Scrubs
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Jonny D Buelle
The Warlords Legion
2
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Posted - 2015.11.01 15:10:00 -
[3] - Quote
So there is this old mantinence worker who has been working every single day of his life since he turned 13. He knows how to fix just about anything.
Anyway this old man, he dies and he shows up to St. Peter's gate. St. Peter looks at the man and says "Look, you seem like a nice guy, but you sinned on Earth, so I got to send you to hell." So this old man was thrown into Hell.
When he got there, the place was so ******* hot, you could cook a boiled egg in your own sweat. The man looked around for a bit and found the problem, the AC had been broken for a few thousand years. So he did a little tinkering and fixrd it. Now Hell wasn't so damn hot.
The man then decided he wanted to lounge by the lake, so he walked down to the lake, only to find it was on fire! He tracked the problem down to a leaky gas line that caught fire. So he patched up the leak, put out the fire, and after about a week, the lake was nice and beautiful.
After about a month or two, God decided to go to hell to check up on things and see how Satan was doing. As he walked around he noticed that it was now like paradise. It wasn't to hot and the lake was nice and beautiful, hell even the demons were happy and enjoying themselves while sunbathing.
God called out to Satan and said, "What in my son's name is going on here? This place is suppose to be Hell, not a 5 star resort."
"Well," said Satan, "there is this old man who fixed everything, now it ain't so bad here."
"Well, he derserves to be in Heaven!" God said, "and if you don't hand him over, I'll sue your ass off!"
And Satan said: "Good luck finding a lawyer in heaven!"
Director of T-W-L
Keeper of the List
Lord of Scrubs
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Jonny D Buelle
The Warlords Legion
2
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Posted - 2015.11.01 16:46:00 -
[4] - Quote
NSFW:
So there's this nude beach, right, and this dirty old man was laying naked sun bathing and he notices he is the only guy there and he gets a bit hard.
As soon as he gets hard, this beautiful, innocent, 18 year old girl walks up to him, points to his erected member and says, "Excuse me, but whats that?"
"Oh," said the man, "havn't you seen one before?"
"No, what is it?"
"It's my pet snake, you can play with him if you want," replied the old man jokingly.
"Okay," she said and the girl then gets on her knees and started to stroke his member. The guy ends up passing out due to blood being in the other head.
A few hours later the man woke up in hostipal, and his d.ck hurt badly. Looking around he saw the girl, so he asked "What happened?"
And the girl said: "I was playing with your pet snake when it started spitting venom at me, so I bit it's head off!"
Director of T-W-L
Keeper of the List
Lord of Scrubs
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