Whispercrow
Seituoda Taskforce Command
Caldari State
102
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Posted - 2012.09.28 21:56:00 -
[1] - Quote
1. Attempt to join game 12 times only to have "Server is Full" message pop up. Must manuqually re-queue each time, rather than it automatically attempting search again.
2. First successful game connection results in ending up on losing Team Moron, usually on an Ambush map, also usually at less than 50% total clones. Enemy team usually has 2x as many. Leave game rather than waste time.
3. Attempt to reconnect 2-5 more times as in #1.
4. End up in orbital War Barge! Woot! Some fool has his microphone on perma-transmit. Hear either some geeky kid talking to himself, someone emasculated dude getting yelled at by his shrew of a wife, or heaving breathing and/or eating sounds by unaware gamer.
5. Ambush Map. Crap. Spawn immediately next to 1-3 enemy who have somehow spawned before I have. Get gunned down.
6. Respawn 2-3 times near Big Red Blob, die horrifically. Possibly get in a kill. Maybe an assist as someone new spawns in. Would try to deploy spawnbeacon, but useless to do so as it would get camped.
7. Spawn in more-or-less 'safe' area. Note that both teams have a Supply Depot. Call down my Rocket Kitty (Onikuma impact with all Militia Modules--aka "Free Ride"). Ride like a madman to our control point. Run over some poor enemy fool who spawned like I did at #5 above.
8. Throw down spawnbeacons and nanohives. Why the latter? Because nobody stays near the spawnpoint.
9. Kill 2-3 dudes trying to take the hill / cityblock. Mentally realize next assault will come from side or rear. Try to convince others this. Most clump up where they were before.
10. As if pre-ordained by Fate himself, most of the Supply Point Neanderthals decide to stagger in clumps over to the enemy base at almost exactly the same moment coordinated Big Red Blob shows up behind or from the flanking direction to the Depot. Get one or two lucky kills with grenades, then die horribly. Watch as other team respawns their own and caps Depot.
11. Repeat #6.
12 A. If team somehow (by pure random, dumb luck) manages to get Supply Depot, go Assault Sniper and begin picking off enemy fools until we lose. Cash in heaps of SP as most of them are overconfident, easy targets. Else goto 12 B.
12 B. Summon Tank, begin mowing down enemies from distance and using terrain to avoid counter fire. Do so until we lose, cash in heaps of SP as nobody expects to get sniped by a quad rocket launcher from a mile away.
13. Goto 1 until tired of playing.
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