Here is the infallible list of psychological traits your weapon choice reveals about you. Combine your choice of Light/Heavy Weapon with your choice of Sidearm to find your overall profile, you repulsive cretin.



Light Weapons:


Assault Rifle:

You were unloved as a child, which is why you crave familiarity. This is why you chose to use the 'Assault Rifle', the only name of a weapon you recognise. You have abandonment issues and fear change, which is why you stay in the same corp for years on end.


Tactical Assault Rifle:

You are a self-proclaimed Hipster who does stuff 'for teh lolz'. You don't realise that you are extremely irritating, and intolerable to be around, especially considering whichever team has you on their side loses. Think of that special kid who won't leave you alone. That's you.


Rail Rifle:

You are a bland, uninteresting person with a low, though not sub-100, IQ.


Assault Rail Rifle:

As a mindless FOTM chaser, you have a 0.5 second attention span and a sub-100 IQ. You are incapable of putting together a full, grammatically correct sentence. Probably plays Dom where he can bullet-hose down narrow corridors with magnetic hipfire.


Scrambler Rifle:

All round cool guy, intelligent enough to know how to manage heat buildup and know when to tactically use charge shots.


Assault Scrambler RIfle:

Slightly more intelligent than an Assault Rail Rifle user because he knows the ASCR has the highest DPS of all the Light Weapons. Still a FOTM chaser though and lacks the mental capability to fully utilise the SCR. He is fiercely driven by results, meaning he is more likely to hold high positions within big companies.


Mass Driver:

The lowest of the low, the MD user exclusively plays Dom and Ambush and uses the MD to steal kills from around corners where his teammates do most of the work then die with only a +25. Describes himself as an 'MLG troller', he revels in schadenfreude. Feel pity for him, for he has a troubled home life and no one loves him.


Sniper Rifle:

You've never seen this guy write a single message in chat or on the forums. He is probably a bot..


Laser Rifle:

You're either a total noob or a total 'pro', exclusively using the Officer LR in Ambush. You lack intelligence because you rely on the Officer LR so you don't have to manage heat buildup. You say mean things to people then say you were only joking when they cry.


Combat Rifle:

Congratulations, you are the most intelligent weapon user. You are aware of the distinct advantages the Combat Rifle has in most situations and you employ this knowledge into your playstyle by manipulating enemy movements to suit you. However, you often find yourself carrying your team against the users of all the other weapons.


Assault Combat Rifle:

More likely to prefer Dom or Ambush, the ACR user is more preoccupied with K/D, reflecting an inherent feeling of inadequacy. He still has a high intelligence though, slightly lower than the CR user, and thus can write out full sentences, meaning he is most likely to be abusive on the forums.


Swarm Launcher:

A compassionate and caring person, the SL user risks a higher chance of death to help the chances of victory. Or he's a noob using the Anti-Armour Starter Fit.


Plasma Cannon:

You are a skillful individual who is willing to invest time in things to achieve greatness. Most likely to have a long-term, high-risk investment portfolio. If you use it with jump mods though, you are possessed by a gelatinous substance named Himowumbi, who, much like the zombie fungus, controls your thoughts and actions. Eventually you will wander out into the snow and die, whereupon many Himowumbi offspring will emerge from your body and feast on your remains.


Shotgun:

You make up for your crippling submissive personality irl by being overly-aggressive in-game. Thus, the Shotgun is your natural weapon of choice. Often either extremely agreeable or extremely obstinate.




Heavy Weapons:


Forge Gun:

In mind, body, and spirit, you are a potato. You're basically Lenny from Of Mice and Men.


Heavy Machine Gun:

You are not very dexterous and have difficulty using utensils, preferring to use your hands to ingest the copious quantities of red meat you exclusively sustain yourself on.




Sidearms:


Ion Pistol:

You are in the same tier as the Tactical Assault Rifle user.


Sub Machine Gun:

You are a mindless drone who works a 9 - 5 job which you hate. Your wife is unfaithful.


Nova Knives:

You are a fanatical pseudo-intellectual who loves to tell people why they're stupid for being religious. Votes Democrat.


Magsec:

You loved the Assault Rail Rifle so much you decided to use a miniature one as a Sidearm. This Sidearm reduces your already-minuscule attention span by 40%.


Flaylock Pistol:

You are irresponsible and reckless, yet charismatic. You put it all on red.


Bolt Pistol:

You enjoy danger, and your favourite recreational activity is tightrope walking.


Scrambler Pistol:

You're sleeping with the SMG user's wife.