Oh you'll never guess who gets killed by Leithe and who kills him oh spoiler alert

Okay so my main critique of the work is that it is difficult to discern were the speech begins and where it ends, it sort of blurs into the descriptive elements. I would if I were you instead of breaking down into the paragraphs you have now break them down instead into descriptive and speech sections.

However if you feel some aspect of the speech needs the descriptors to explain certain inflections or emotions then simply tie that in to how your character says that, what he thinks as he says something, how he feels about what he has said.

I feel that would simply improve flow of the text and more over the overall enjoyment.

I like your writing here, I just find it a bit clunky when I try to read it.

((So which of my dudes dies? True I guess he'd abandon any of you if it meant Satja was in danger prolly drives over a mine or maybe he bleeds out after he's cut in half by shrapnel.....Leithe does not take kindly to being killed.....that comes as part of being a reclusive, depressed, junkie with serious psychological trauma....not that I have gotten to the point in RP where he has trusted anyone enough to tell them the story.))