Jotun Hiem
The Tritan Industries
RISE of LEGION
555
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Posted - 2013.04.30 05:20:00 -
[1] - Quote
I'm a little surprised I'm not crazy.
I haven't actually changed a whole lot, far as I can tell. Still enjoy rum, still like playing blackjack with the boys, even if my new looks freak 'em out some, and I still catch myself lookin' at storms through the station windows when I'm off duty.
Truth be told, I never really hurt a whole lot whenever I got cut down. I guess my body just goes into shock or something when I get hit, or maybe my CEO's got it good with a pharmacy and slips us extra-strong painkillers, I dunno. But I'll be honest... I hate wakin' up.
It feels like I'm someone else and the real me got left behind, pulled out somewhere between the dirt and the CRU. I don't like it. Don't like to think about how there's a thousand me's somewhere up in the stars, starin' down and accusin' me of theft. Feels like it isn't my body, feels like I stole it and don't know how to give it back.
Worse, sometimes, when I'm on my lonesome, lookin' out the station windows, my arms start shakin'. It's not shivers, I know that much. It's like I'm holding the Heavy Machine Gun on full auto, but it isn't there. Sometimes I'll just bounce once, like I'm taking a ride in one of the LAVs, but I'll still be standing there in front of the window. Happens sometimes when I go to sleep too, only then the sounds come through.
Worst though is that, sometimes, I'll just wake up in a fight. I'll just be in my apartment or on the station and then suddenly I'm breathing in cooled oxygen from my combat mask and standing over some dead bastard that had the bright idea to stand in front of my rifle. Don't even know what planet I'm on a lot of the time, just have to follow the TACNET data and hope I made the smart choice while I was out.
Sometimes I wake up in a CRU...
Nobody'll ever tell me what happens when I blank out. Act like if they tell me I'll blow up or somethin'.
I wish Medeen was still here. She might'a been Amarr, but she was one of the damn few good ones I ever met, treated me right even though she knew I was a Ruster. Knew just what to say when I started crackin' under pressure, she was good at dealing with this sh*t. Damn Heth got her and her squad. I'm gunna get that bastard someday. |