1.- Can you cry under water?
The HIVEMIND is incapable of tears.

2.- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Obi Wan Kenobi said, everythign in life depends on your point of view. The HIVE MIND would do neither. He would simple command you into non existance.

3.- Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
The HIVE MIND's secret penny stealing fund. Don't tell!

4.- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Everyone is nekkid in heaven. That's why it's heaven.

5.- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Aesthetics. That and the price of round cardboard boxes were artificially inflated by Nulli Secunda before they were attacked by the round pizza box loving folk at TEST.

6.- What disease did cured ham actually have?
The Entropy Virus. We are still bitter about that one.

7.- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
This is a complex conspiracy by "the man" While the NWO elite get to the moon to play moon golf, they secretly rigg the markets so that the common peasent has no access to stylin wheel'd luggage.

8.- Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
Because babies are actually an alien race of commando aliens. (see Invader Zim for reference)

9.- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Everyone else hears the case. So... yes.

10.- Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Hmm dunno. Ask Bob.

11.- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do people pay money to eat out, then pay money to lose the weight they gained eating out? Answer: Stupidity.

12.- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
The HIVEMIND is a virus... he generally tends to stay away from doctors.

13.- Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Because THE HIVE MIND has many panties in his possession, but only only one bra. And thats how it should be.

14.- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Because the HIVE MIND purchased all the toaster making companies in order to instill fear in everyone.

15.- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Join the NWO elite on the moon for moon golf, and you may know the answer. Its pretty funny actually.

16.- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
Of course it can. THE HIVE MIND murders someone every day specifically to beat the morning traffic.