|
|
| Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 0 post(s) |
B1ack ice
Heaven's Lost Property
813
   |
Posted - 2015.11.02 20:45:00 -
[1] - Quote
Poll: Can Women Honestly Just Play Video Games?
From day one of my online experience I have been singled out by men simply because I am a girl who plays video games.
What if I donGÇÖt want to be a girl who plays video games? CanGÇÖt I just play and not be bothered? I have had men message me on my original PSN (obviously female) saying GÇ£WhatGÇÖs up?GÇ¥ and GÇ£Can I have your number?GÇ¥ No. No you canGÇÖt have my number and no I donGÇÖt want yours. I just want to blow stuff up, kill people, and occasionally find unicorns to keep as pets in virtual reality.
For those of you who donGÇÖt know, my name is B1ack ice and I religiously played DUST514 for the last 4 years. I have always loved playing video games since I started with my lime green Nintendo Color, moving up through the years to PS2, where I enjoyed playing games by myself in my free time.
The PS3 was released in late 2006. This thing called DUST514 came with purchase of the console. Upon downloading, I created two different accounts that I almost immediately biomassed because I decided I didnGÇÖt like the usernames that I made. I had absolutely no idea what an MMO was, didnGÇÖt know they existed, and was not aware that is the universe I entered into when I created Natalie Herondale and started playing little by little.
I was solo messing around with stuff in my merc quarters when I saw this icon move across the right side of my screen while waiting for deployment. I read it and it was from someone in a corporation called Killer Taxi Company wanting me to GÇ£joinGÇ¥ them. I proceeded to ask what a corporation was and why they wanted me to join them? I was new to the game and I was pretty confident there were tons of people better than me so the only reason I could think as to why some random person would message me is because of my name; Obviously IGÇÖm a girlGǪ
This is where a personGÇÖs sex first comes into play. I never liked to label myself, especially online. IGÇÖm not a girl or a guy; I am me. IGÇÖm just a person playing video games. I ended up joining the Corp for about 2 days until no one was really doing anything and I started hanging out with MRBH1997, CEO of Knights of Ender. I asked him about the game, he legitimately helped me out and I asked if I could join his corp and he could help me improve and show me how to use the skill tree. He welcomed me to his corporation with open arms and I became one of the first directors in the corporation, especially female, once it was clear that I was someone who was loyal and could be trusted. I didnGÇÖt really understand what all I had access to and I didnGÇÖt care to. I have never been interested in socializing with people online, so why would I be interested in screwing them over if I could?. I was in Knights of Ender for 46 days.
I ended up leaving Knights of Ender when I met and started to squad with people from a corporation called Umbrella Logistics Inc. I initially met Katar GoTa who seemed to be nice. He was friends with the CEO of Umbrella and introduced me to Demi, who immediately singled me out and asked me to join their corp because I had a GÇ£cute voiceGÇ¥ and I was GÇ£adorableGÇ¥. They also revealed to me later on that they wanted me in the corp specifically because I was a woman and they knew that would get recruitment up. I was asked for my facebook, which I didnGÇÖt give them. I created a character one with no pictures on it of myself because they wanted me to be a part of their page. It was there that I encountered Demi hardcore flirting with me and asking me if it was okay to come to Pennsylvania and visit me the following week and other relationship talk. I was a 17 year old girl at the time, with no relationship experience. My mother told me I wasnGÇÖt allowed to date until I was 18. That was the house rule and I had already decided what I would want out of any relationship did not exist and it was more trouble than it would ever be worth; a waste of time.
I would go back to play the game with my corporation to crude language and sexual jokes directed at me and around me that I didnGÇÖt tolerate. I would leave squad and stick up for myself. It was there that my position was made clear to me. I was no longer welcome to be a part of my corporation and was forced to leave. They got upset with me for continuously leaving squads and accused me of being dramatic once I clarified to Demi I wasnGÇÖt ever going to hook up with him.
A while later, I message Katar asking about his experience with these players because he was the one who introduced me to them and I was wondering what was going on. He and I proceeded to play Diablo 3, because he didnGÇÖt want to be on DUST, and talked for hours. Which is when the next episode started; he told me I was different, heGÇÖd never met a girl like me before, he never talked to a woman like me before, and he really liked me. Uh?
I also had a friend named Erik Dessallah. He started talking to me like I was his therapist for all his problems and singled me out because he liked me. I made it clear I wasnGÇÖt interested and eventually it came to the point where I received messages from his wife.
In the meantime, I had obtained the chat AFOFA from my Umbrella Logistics contacts and was squadding with Mr Gattic Beowolf and back with MRBH1997, who were both great tankers. It was with then, I ran against a squad of D.A.R.K.L.E.G.I.O.N. and helped wreck them with Gattic and sent Cenex Langly a message to join, because I considered DL to be the best corporation in the game and figured GÇ£Why not?GÇ¥ I just want to play the game and improve and they might reject me but I WILL improve and I will get better and I do want to contribute to winning battles. I have never played video games to be dead weight. I carry myself. I never had anyone to back me up or take the fall for me and I wasnGÇÖt going to play that way. |
B1ack ice
Heaven's Lost Property
813
|
Posted - 2015.11.02 20:46:00 -
[2] - Quote
I did not have a mic until I joined KOE, so I was constantly getting harassed, asked if I was really a girl by guys 24/7 to which I sarcastically responded, GÇ£Do you know any girls named Natalie?GÇ¥ RESPONSE: GÇ£Oh youGÇÖre a smartass. That turns me on.GÇ¥
I joined DL and didnGÇÖt really have any problems on the whole drama based on the fact that I am a girl. Guys still hit on me, including my friend Cenex at one point, but it wasnGÇÖt completely out of hand and, for the most part, everyone in DL was respectful to me. I ended up leaving D.A.R.K.L.E.G.I.O.N. with my best friend, Cenex, and we joined Outer.Heaven. I was still a scrub and Tibbs was hesitant to accepting me, but ended up doing so anyways when I managed to kill him in my crap gear against a full squad of Outer.HeavenGÇÖs top players and NOT go negative. They brought me in and the being a part of OH was literally HEAVEN when I first got there, until it wasnGÇÖt. I wanted to do more, help contribute to the corporation in and after the war against AE but I was just Natalie the Scrub and so no one bothered with me. Besides that fact, ChancetheChan was constantly on my rear about how Cenex and I were apparently an item just because we were friends, not to mention the crude sexual comments that were starting up again in OH towards me. I left.
In the meantime, back in the AFOFA chat, I met usuckatdust Vagheitan. He initially blew me off the first time we squadded until the second time when he heard my voice and established I was female. He showered all sorts of attention on me, asking me to squad as soon as he was on and when he was done with PCGÇÖs. It was then that he started trying to get me to talk dirty to him, but I was told in Umbrella (and I was still bitter about that, that they told me I was overreacting and that it was my problem. They told me they were all just joking and I needed to lighten up.) So, I played it off as he must be joking because he literally CANGÇÖT be serious. I was my usual smart ass self and talked back and he would not stop persisting in trying to get me to what I now completely understand is sexting. He even told me to join AE, which I declined from him.
It was right before I left Outer.Heaven that I started using the forums, voicing some of my feelings about the game and its community. I didnGÇÖt really care that much. I had just moved from living in PA for the past 7 years to the Midwest and I didnGÇÖt have access to my PS3. So, I get on there and that is where I met Rampage, the guy infamously hated by O.H for whatever reason and anyone else I ever talked to. I figured, GÇ£TheyGÇÖre probably just being jerks because someone is different from them or simply doesnGÇÖt like them.GÇ¥ I had already known all the hype about AE being the top corporation in the game at the time and I had also heard Rampage had a thing for flirting with any and all girl gamers. This was my opportunity to be able to talk to someone who would not discriminate against me, who knew what it was like to be singled out and hated because you wonGÇÖt conform to the status quo. I would be making a friend and getting into AE, where I could be helped and shown how to be a real player. Little did I know, my mistakes were adding up. My entire relationship with Rampage was based on nothing but discrimination, simply because I am a girl. He and I became GÇ£friendsGÇ¥ (so I thought) and we played games together, talked, and he actually helped me start to improve. However, there was a catch. He wanted me to be his girlfriend, which I didnGÇÖt know. He ended up asking me and I didnGÇÖt know what to say. I didnGÇÖt want to be anyoneGÇÖs girlfriend, especially online but he was supposed to be my friend and I didnGÇÖt want to ruin that and not give him a chance. Maybe I could like him as more than a friend? A week passed and I told him the truth, that I was not interested in dating him; or anyone else. I had other things I wanted to do; focus on getting into school and accomplishing whatever I needed to accomplish. He was not completely happy but he acted like nothing phased him so I went about my business. Rampage was doing PCGÇÖs and I was squadding with Espeon BonGÇÖs because he was showing me how to be a better player. Rampage got GÇ£jealousGÇ¥ and mad that I was squadding with Espeon, told me that I was a scrub and he would remove me from AE himself but I had roles so he had to wait 24 hours so I should just leave. I left. On top of that I had SpartanBiker mad at me because I wasnGÇÖt talking to him 24/7 and other people who were unhappy with the lack of attention I was giving them. I later established with Espeon that he had a thing for me too and we eventually stopped talking.
Not to mention, during my DUST career, I was never without NickMunson stalking me. I met him in my local chat, he freaked out because I was a girl, and asked if I would date a guy like him the first time I ever talked with him. He then proceeded to friend me on PSN (Whatever) and sent me a picture of himself that I didnGÇÖt ask for because he wanted to know if I would like him. He told me maybe, since I was in PA at the time, if I was ever in his area we should meet. I stopped talking to him because he was freaking me out.
Danizzle4Shizzle went out of his way to corner me in squad, tell me my voice turns him on, and that he likes me. I ignored it only to be messaged by him that his girlfriend died two weeks before. The following messaging after my condolences was GÇ£I wish I had a girlfriend like you.GÇ¥
|
B1ack ice
Heaven's Lost Property
813
|
Posted - 2015.11.02 20:46:00 -
[3] - Quote
After the AE fiasco, I ended up being recruited by Heimdallr69 to his corporation called Ancient Ecchi. He told me it was just a temporary corp for him and SotaGÇÖs anime corporation, but I was already out of what I considered my in-game family and didnGÇÖt really care. I enjoy being surprised and it was interesting that the guy who hated me for no reason would come to me and ask me to join his corp. I figured we sort of let bygones be bygones because we were both treated unfairly by AE and forced to leave. I join his corporation, befriend him, and he introduces me to SoTa PoP. From what I saw on the forums, SoTa seemed to be an intelligent guy with lots of charisma (even an honest attitude) and so why the heck wouldnGÇÖt I want to work with him? Besides, this is anime weGÇÖre talking about. An Anime corp sounds like something different and fun. In the meantime, I got close to Heimdallr69 because it was established that he originally hated me (kept unfriending and friending me and being mean for no reason) BECAUSE I WAS A GIRL. He told me that all the girls in his area and his life were sluts with no morals and he wasnGÇÖt interested in that. I felt the same exact way and, for once, I was with someone I didnGÇÖt have to be threatened by. He wasnGÇÖt interested in a relationship. I wasnGÇÖt interested in a relationship and so we could just talk and be friends. There was no discrimination at all on either side. Then I let my guard down and ended up doing what I never thought I would ever do about anyone outside of my immediate family; care. My internet got shut off after HvLP was created, Heim slowly stopped talking to me and when I told him on his birthday GÇ£I think you should call me so that I can wish you a happy birthday properly.GÇ¥ He told me, GÇ£I think you can suck my ****.GÇ¥ I had never been spoken to my entire life in that way. Based on that behavior I figured, you know, this is what I should have expected. I mean, a guy doesnGÇÖt talk to a girl he loves like that, does he? He was bragging about being with other GÇ£hotGÇ¥ girls too. Am I going to have to be the bigger person and end this because he doesnGÇÖt want to get his hands dirty? This is just online anyways. IGÇÖm not one to be made a fool of. I told him that I thought we should establish that we were only friends, since thatGÇÖs all he wanted to be, until we met in real life. I went to our mutual friend, Emblackout, to ask his advice over the period of the last week or so and he told me that I was right. He also told me to put #inb4block to Heim later on, when I never blocked him.
In the meantime, while I was with Heimdallr, and SoTa knew that I was with Heimdallr, he started talking to me more and more and both him and his friend BLAZ3 X ended up telling me they liked me. I didnGÇÖt want pictures out there of me and I didnGÇÖt like taking photos of myself and sharing with anyone, but SoTa bugged me 24/7 about being on cam and taking pictures because if I didnGÇÖt I wasnGÇÖt a person. That picture that Kujo posted on the forums was the first picture I took of myself without sunglasses on. I made Solar Qoio a director, I really respected his efforts in HvLP and how he handled himself in all of the chaos, admitted to me that he was crushing on me. He started treating me differently than before and acted like I was his possession to control, not a corporation partner and leader he would work with and respect. I literally cried about Heimdallr69 to anyone who would listen because he could not be bothered. I did not understand what was going on. How could this happen to me? This is a video game, isnGÇÖt it?
Everyone I went to just wanted me to be in a relationship with them and I just wanted to be left alone.
I have had D4GGER, Global Enforcer, Solar Qoio, BLAZ3 X, DJINN Rampage, xSaphir3, Arcadia Kain, Lord Elron, NickMunson, Erik Dessallah, Danizzle4Shizzle, Katar Gota, usuckatdust vagheitan, Sota PoP, Demidas01, Tomiki Wilki, Espeon Bons, SGTnoneck Wassup, Cenex Langly, and countless others express interest in me from the start of this game up to now. (DJINN Marauder and Skeleter Voltron, people who flirt because itGÇÖs fun.) I have had more than my fair share of nude photos sent to me that I either didnGÇÖt ask for or told them not to share with me. My mistake was trying to be nice about it. But who can be nice with guys without them taking advantage? Do you send nude pics to other guys? I would think not unless you have problems, because thatGÇÖs not normal.
Not to mention Heimdallr69 who used and abused me for his personal entertainment along with his good friendGÇÖs SoTa and Emblackout who went back and forth playing mind games with me. Emblackout would run and twist things I said, he added Heim secretly to an AE chat where he put me on the spot and intentionally brought up Heimdallr69 to troll me when he knew that it was a sensitive subject. IsnGÇÖt that ironic? I stop talking about Heim and someone would go out of their way to bring him up because it was entertaining. How am I supposed to feel about the online guy who lied to me, abused me, and hurt me more than any real life person ever has? I went off on the forums looking for that guy who wouldnGÇÖt talk to me privately or in-game and looking for all of my GÇ£friendsGÇ¥ to say something about what they were seeing happening. Okay Heim, when I wasnGÇÖt posting about you, did you have to respond to other things to provoke me when you knew what you were doing and how I felt about you? Emblackout would tell me what an ******* Heimdallr was for what he did and how he didnGÇÖt really like him as a person for doing that but at the same time who would stick up for me? He refused to choose sides and so did other people. So many people would talk behind HeimdallrGÇÖs back to me but none of them would say anything to directly put him in his place. Bros before GÇ£hoesGÇ¥.
|
B1ack ice
Heaven's Lost Property
813
|
Posted - 2015.11.02 20:47:00 -
[4] - Quote
After all that history, this brings me to the point IGÇÖm trying to make: From day one of my online experience I have been singled out by men simply because I am a girl who plays video games. What if I donGÇÖt want to be a girl who plays video games? CanGÇÖt I just play and not be bothered? I have had men message me on my original PSN (obviously female) saying GÇ£WhatGÇÖs up?GÇ¥ and GÇ£Can I have your number?GÇ¥ No. No you canGÇÖt have my number and no I donGÇÖt want yours. I just want to blow stuff up, kill people, and occasionally find unicorns to keep as pets in virtual reality.
When a guy on a video game has a problem with me, what happens? My pictures get tossed around and laughed at, my FB and personal information gets shared on the forums, I get called a wh0re by everyone I turned down and stopped talking to, not to mention when anything goes wrong I am the dramatic ***** who started it all, and in the meantime, because the majority of gamers are in fact guys, IGÇÖm left back at ground zero. Because it is always going to be bros before hoes. ItGÇÖs always going to be the pack mentality. Can a girl just play video games? After all, I am just a girl; an online anime avatar with the ability to use a controller and have my virtual character under my control with a red backdrop under my name.
IGÇÖve been told that other girls donGÇÖt have the problems on Dust514 that IGÇÖve had. IGÇÖve heard countless stories and been in various squads with other women, hearing them being treated the same as I have. It seems like the only difference is that I am talking about it.
Video gaming, especially DUST since this is the game we have been playing, has been a desert wasteland of single men and anything walking around with breasts in the warbarge is your water.
When I found out what am MMO was and that DUST was a social game comprised of men, I thought GÇ£This will be great. Men arenGÇÖt dramatic like women. I wonGÇÖt have any locker room problems.GÇ¥ Only, what I didnGÇÖt know, is that the experiences I had yet to go through were from the Locker Room across the hallway from mine. The worst sort with the resounding shouting in my head of GÇ£I DONGÇÖT BELONG HERE.GÇ¥ but this is a video game. There arenGÇÖt supposed to be any labels on doors barring anyone out if they are female or male and IGÇÖve gotten the message: GÇ£If you donGÇÖt let us gang **** you, you arenGÇÖt welcome here.GÇ¥
Just think, I am a woman. You are men. In real life I wouldnGÇÖt let any guy take advantage of me, yet IGÇÖve found myself, online in video games, in squads where I was backed into corners and forced to go along with whatever because if I didnGÇÖt I would be kicked out of corp. There was no enjoyment in playing the game for me unless I conformed. And, if I didnGÇÖt conform, I was the *****, the wh0re and the s1ut. So, if I found myself with the image of a man and the voice of a man, I could sincerely just be one of the guys and enjoy playing the game.
Do you believe in the double standard, because itGÇÖs been real for me. |
|
|
| |
|