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axis alpha
ScReWeD uP InC
986
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Posted - 2015.09.17 04:24:00 -
[1] - Quote
80 percent chance you will be stomped. 10 percent chance you will get an even match. And slight 10 percent chance Scotty will be an ass and tell you something went wrong.
Next:
Sports.
Hullaballo and howdy doo! Musty prawns, and Timbucktu.
Yeltsibee and hibbertyhoo
Kick 'em in the dishpan. Hoo hoo hoo!
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KGB Sleep
1
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Posted - 2015.09.17 05:27:00 -
[2] - Quote
In Sports today,
Usain Bolt equips kincats and kicks Mick Jagger in the stones, killing him.
The funeral will be held Saturday, or whenever his head re-enters the atmosphere.
Next:
Entertainment
Because beer, that's why.
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HOWDIDHEKILLME
Dying to Reload
911
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Posted - 2015.09.17 06:57:00 -
[3] - Quote
In Hollywood
Duna's sex tape comes out... And so does he!!! Also starring jersey shores " the situation ".
Up next has the Quafe supply been tainted? |
Chimichanga66605
Vader's Taco Shack
429
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Posted - 2015.09.17 07:17:00 -
[4] - Quote
A good question HOWDIDHEKILLME.
The Quafe supply has indeed been infected with what local experts are refering to as a "vomitous mass."
Back to you Axis.
"Badassery is not born, but often thrust upon you." -Franklin Delano Roosevelt
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Jace Stillwell
Elysium's Electorate
12
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Posted - 2015.09.17 09:49:00 -
[5] - Quote
Breaking news: Axis has taken a sniper round to the face while trying to hack a letter, he'll take over after his consciousness transfers.
In other news, due to the recent contamination of Quafe soda, stocks for it are plummeting, Quafe has issued a non apology about the matter, blaming it on a drunk worker mixing cleaning chemicals into the batch instead of sweetener. |
ZED Regent
RabbitGang
406
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Posted - 2015.09.17 10:38:00 -
[6] - Quote
Just in! axis alpha apparently has been shot down by a sniper....
Some say it was ordered by Quafe Company, but we're still waiting for confirmation about that...
Next: can you actually taste the difference between the contaminated Quafe soda and the regular one... |
Asad Thahab-Jabal
Incorruptibles
79
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Posted - 2015.09.17 11:25:00 -
[7] - Quote
Thanks Zed. A recent survey performed in the Varigne system concluded that taste testers were unable to tell the difference. It should be noted that testers who received the contaminated Quafe soda grew cancerous eyeboils within hours of consuming the beverage.
In the stock market today the demand for aurum takes a plunge. Analysts cite complete silence from aurum retailers as the cause. Meanwhile the price and demand of platinum continues to rise steadily. |
axis alpha
ScReWeD uP InC
989
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Posted - 2015.09.17 11:51:00 -
[8] - Quote
Asad you are indeed right. Platinum is going for sky high prices as more and more mercenaries are buying loads of Prototype gear as a result of the Amarr Event being ran this week here in New Eden.
Your daily forecast
Please be aware of that we are currently under a Roden, Symbs, and Thales SR alert for the day. Which I was severely wounded by. So remember to take an umbrella folks!
_____________________________________________________
Diet Quafe is bad for you! And we're gonna tell you why, Coming up Next.
Hullaballo and howdy doo! Musty prawns, and Timbucktu.
Yeltsibee and hibbertyhoo
Kick 'em in the dishpan. Hoo hoo hoo!
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IAmDuncanIdaho II
Nos Nothi
4
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Posted - 2015.09.17 12:21:00 -
[9] - Quote
Indeed folks; reports are coming in that some mercs have donned commando suits and are dual-wielding officer sniper rifle combinations in slug-littered bouts of no-scoping tom-foolery. So don't forget to hold your umbrella sideways to counter an abundance of stray sniper rounds today.
Next up: can two umbrellas be good for you?
This post has been liked by XxBlazikenxX
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Lightning35 Delta514
The Warlords Legion
No Context
1
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Posted - 2015.09.17 12:31:00 -
[10] - Quote
IAmDuncanIdaho II wrote:Indeed folks; reports are coming in that some mercs have donned commando suits and are dual-wielding officer sniper rifle combinations in slug-littered bouts of no-scoping tom-foolery. So don't forget to hold your umbrella sideways to counter an abundance of stray sniper rounds today.
Next up: can two umbrellas be good for you?
We'll certainly. A new study from duvolle laboratories has proven that 2 umbrellas does 1 keep you even drawing in the rain, and 2, significantly reduces the chances of being shocked by lightning.
Up next on today's news- TECHNOLOGY!
Will iOS9 overwhelm android???
CEO of T-W-L
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WyrmHero1945
Finesse Soldiers
672
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Posted - 2015.09.17 14:28:00 -
[11] - Quote
The iOS9 has finally launched today and it's getting a great reception among the countless Apple fans. Reports say that the new update is making iPhones last 2 days without ever charging. It does, also, improve Siri so that a conversation doesn't end by making the assistant use the phone's search engine. Apple says they're just about one final step from creating a true AI.
Meanwhile Kaaliakota says they're working on a new, more powerful, type of railgun. Rumors say they're trying to bring their projectiles close to the speed of light.
THIS JUST IN: The Quafe contamination is making clones act strangely! They start moving in herds, dancing all around and keep spawning endlessly from MCRU's!!!!!!
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axis alpha
ScReWeD uP InC
989
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Posted - 2015.09.17 15:59:00 -
[12] - Quote
BREAKING THIS JUST IN
JOEL II X HAS Now admitted that he has Contaminated the Quafe soft supply drink with raw bacon and Prototype Myofibs in an attempt to become the ultimate merc. He now know this has back fired and is taking full responsibility.
Authorities are on the way to his Merc Quarters as we speak. Stay tuned for futher details.
Hullaballo and howdy doo! Musty prawns, and Timbucktu.
Yeltsibee and hibbertyhoo
Kick 'em in the dishpan. Hoo hoo hoo!
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argel999
T.H.I.R.D R.O.C.K
14
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Posted - 2015.09.17 16:07:00 -
[13] - Quote
Breaking News!!!!
Our Correspondent at CCP's offices broke the ice about CCP's server fixing inactivity; "CCP is fighting against world's famine, they're so busy right now".
...SLAYER...
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LOL KILLZ
LulKlz
374
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Posted - 2015.09.17 16:08:00 -
[14] - Quote
We are awaiting the Proto SOG,OH,VF,and NS strike force in charge of getting the Merc out of his bunker. Railguns and Quafe tanks everywhere. We are in for quite a bloodbath. More on this developing story later.
\0/
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Lightning35 Delta514
The Warlords Legion
No Context
1
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Posted - 2015.09.17 16:41:00 -
[15] - Quote
LOL KILLZ wrote:We are awaiting the Proto SOG,OH,VF,and NS strike force in charge of getting the Merc out of his bunker. Railguns and Quafe tanks everywhere. We are in for quite a bloodbath. More on this developing story later.
We'll be back after a the commercial!
*insert quafe commercial here*
And we're back with more exciting news for today. Back to you axis!
CEO of T-W-L
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axis alpha
ScReWeD uP InC
989
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Posted - 2015.09.17 17:00:00 -
[16] - Quote
It's seems as if Joel II X has now had a change of heart and has gotten away from his Merc quarters and is hiding somewhere in the Molden Heath System. The search will continue through out the day. Any corporations that have planetary conquest battles please be on the look out for this mercanary. He may be hiding deep inside vats or high in the mountains.
Next: One man has proof of Current CPM Rigged votes? See what he has to say, next.
Hullaballo and howdy doo! Musty prawns, and Timbucktu.
Yeltsibee and hibbertyhoo
Kick 'em in the dishpan. Hoo hoo hoo!
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KGB Sleep
1
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Posted - 2015.09.18 01:26:00 -
[17] - Quote
Today in Sports:
The Amarrian Stadium was shut down by the Concord Health Department just minutes after the Imperials home opener began when it was discovered that the concession stand was selling doodoo in taco shells to the visiting Minmatar fans.
Imperials owner Highhorseius Almightytitus had this to say:
"Everything was going fine, those one eyed fools had no idea until that damned Caldari snitch showed up disguised in his mk.0. However we will never relent in our holy quest for concession perfection, we shall forever prevail for the Empress, her fire lives on in us all and.. "
Stay tuned for the latest news in Entertainment
Because beer, that's why.
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Anmol Singh
G0DS AM0NG MEN
935
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Posted - 2015.09.18 01:46:00 -
[18] - Quote
In other news, the ADS 50th year celebration has been ruined by one swarm user.
One witness reports that on the day of September 17th, he was enjoying his Quafe watching the ADS parade when suddenly they started to plummet toward the ground.
Overall, out of the 7,000 Assault Dropships in the parade 6,969 had been shot down by a single swarmer.
Caldari and Gallante state that it is " IMPOSSIBRU."
The State and the Fed are now conducting tests that point to space flies. The Fed says that the Python plummeted due to space flies (about the size of a grain of sand) hitting the dropship and casuing it to go off course and lose power. They also state that it takes only ONE space fly to absolutely render a 350k isk dropship worthless.
The State, now embarrassed, is bashing on the Incubus stating that the Incubus is getting two shotted by swarm users and there is no escape. This, however, is also true.
CCP, the maker of the Swarm Launcher have somehow figured out how to harness the power of GOD and jam it into little rockets which are then jammed into a launcher. This handheld launcher has been tested by CCP and confirmed that it is capable of destroying any Titan with 6 rockets.
Thank you. See you back in 5 where we will be covering another story.
Sagaris lover!!!
Commando <3
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killertojo42
KnightKiller's inc.
190
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Posted - 2015.09.18 01:53:00 -
[19] - Quote
This just in matari command has just put out a high demand order for remote explosive ordanince and the reason:
A party was held at matari command and one of the scouts decided to set off some "fireworks"
Because both of us dying as I'm in my nomad BPO is to my benefit
rank 10 winmataar
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Anmol Singh
G0DS AM0NG MEN
935
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Posted - 2015.09.18 01:58:00 -
[20] - Quote
This just in, Minmatar Party has turned ugly. Apparently a Minmatar Scout names Scrub ordered 15 billion isk worth of remote explosives for his new apartment party. He intended on using them as fireworks.
As one describes it, "I was sitting there enjoying my Quafe when the "fireworks" went off. Everything was disintegrated and my clone too. "
The concealed Minmatar planet that Scrub was on has turned into a black hole.
Join us later when we cover the Duna Film Industry scandal.
*Insert Quafe commercial*
Sagaris lover!!!
Commando <3
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Lightning35 Delta514
The Warlords Legion
No Context
1
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Posted - 2015.09.18 15:56:00 -
[21] - Quote
Anmol Singh wrote:This just in, Minmatar Party has turned ugly. Apparently a Minmatar Scout names Scrub ordered 15 billion isk worth of remote explosives for his new apartment party. He intended on using them as fireworks.
As one describes it, "I was sitting there enjoying my Quafe when the "fireworks" went off. Everything was disintegrated and my clone too. "
The concealed Minmatar planet that Scrub was on has turned into a black hole.
Join us later when we cover the Duna Film Industry scandal.
*Insert Quafe commercial*
AMBER ALERT-
Lightning35 Delta514 was last seen in an Lav with the suspect- Xavier Zor.
UPDATE- Lightning is safe. He was found safe and unharmed in the Gallente facility, stomping with Xavier Zor.
And for today's news.... Does quafe make you fat? There has been a report of large amounts of "heavies" out in new Eden. Could Quafe be the cause???
CEO of T-W-L
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ZED Regent
RabbitGang
410
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Posted - 2015.09.18 18:41:00 -
[22] - Quote
Well yes, Lightning... it's a rumour that's going around for ages...
we did a small investigation about these rumours, and found little to no evidence to state these....
Some of those "heavies" told us they started out as scouts in the beginning of their career,
Years after, being hooked on Quafe for all that time, the only job they were able to do
was being a "heavy" because their scout dropsuits didn't fit anymore....
Asked for a comment on these allegations Quafe Company said, and I quote :
" These lame scrubs just need to gid gud ! "
That's all for now, and we'll be back after the break...
*Quafe commercial starts*
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