As Derrith moves slowly to lock lips with the insatiable Shepard commander, he feels a strange feeling in his gut. He stops just 1/2 an inch from Shepard.
Shepard: Derrith Senpai, what's wrong?
Derrith: I don't know. Sorry, I guess I was just imagining things.
As Derrith is about to steal Shepard's first kiss, Hakyou bursts in the room.
Hakyou: Shepard, dear I'm home... You degenerate!! Taking advantage of a sweet innocent thing like that!
Derrith: Wait, you have it wrong! We're in love!
Hakyou: Yeah, that's exactly what Devin said to Ace before my baby got pregnant by him!! Who are you, some friend of his? He couldn't woo Shepard, so he sent you to get it done?
Derrith: No, I am a noble paladin. I would never do such a horrid thing, even though Dev and I are quite close as knights of the Princess.
Hakyou: And you'll never get an opportunity to do so either. Prepare to die!
As Hakyou unleashes his hidden power on the noble Paladin, Derrith is knocked to the ground. As our noble paladin struggles to get back up, he is thrust back to the ground by a mysterious
sound coming from Hakyou.
Derrith screams in agony as Hakyou laughs maniacally. In a last ditch effort to escape, Derrith reaches into his pocket and pulls out a panty shaped speaker.
Derrith: May the panties guide me.
With one last desperate attempt for escape, Derrith throws the panties into the air, releasing the
sound within. Hak reels back in pain, allow our noble hero to run outside, where he heard a sound to the effect of weiners fapping. He looks up and sees a helicopter with genitals in place of the blades.
Derrith: Badgerr and the gang!
A sticky white rope is thrown down for Derrith.
Skeletor: Get in, Fgt!
Our noble paladin braved the perilous rope and made it to the weiner-chopper. As Hak runs outside, he shouts something to our perverted heroes.
Hakyou: You'll never get away with this! Nobody bangs my daughters but me! And tell that scum Devin he owes Ace child support, he's two months late!
Devin: Bullcrap! That ugly thing isn't mine!
Ghostt: I'm selling dime bags, bro! #cali4lyfe!!
As our heroes fly away, Derrith is approached by the fair princess.
Princess: Oh, noble paladin! How worried I and Badgerr were about you. Did you at least obtain what we were looking for?
As Derrith was about to answer his fair Princess, he noticed the rope he climbed up was connected to Zatata, and was going back inside her. The camera changes to show the pen
is-copter flying off into the sunset. Vomit can be seen exiting the right side.
So there you have it folks, why we're in some weird forum war with these guys. Because we're behind on child support WHICH WE DON'T OWE!