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Ripley Riley
Incorruptibles
2883
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Posted - 2014.09.08 11:31:00 -
[1] - Quote
- Begin eating 7,000 calories a day. Calorie dense foods will help save you some money: peanut butter, lard, pastas, etc.
- Continue eating until 600 pounds. This will depend more on your frame. You want to appear fat and helpless; if you are a taller guy you may want to climb to 650 - 700.
- Apply for government assistance due to crippling obesity.
- Embrace planethood.
- Receive benefits.
- Weekend every day.
- Become uber-l337 pro diamond tier MLGamer
He imposes order on the chaos of organic evolution...
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Ripley Riley
Incorruptibles
2883
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Posted - 2014.09.08 11:36:00 -
[2] - Quote
ACT1ON BASTARD wrote:Too many steps why don't you just gouge your eyes out, you welfare whores you.
Because then you can't play video games all day for a government paycheck. GOML.
He imposes order on the chaos of organic evolution...
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Ripley Riley
Incorruptibles
2886
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Posted - 2014.09.08 11:54:00 -
[3] - Quote
Spademan wrote:Honestly bro, I'd rather take a hacksaw to my leg.
I can only open the door to diamond tier MLG greatness, you must walk through it.
He imposes order on the chaos of organic evolution...
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Ripley Riley
Incorruptibles
2886
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Posted - 2014.09.08 12:09:00 -
[4] - Quote
Spademan wrote:But then I'd have to take a plane to a country with absurdly loose gun control laws, (Ie: USA, sorry guys) get a green card and then a license, then the shotgun itself and finally shoot my leg.
I can just pop into my shed and get a hacksaw. And if mine breaks I can just go down to the hardware store and pick up a shiny new one.
Spademan approaches the counter of his local B&Q. "Excuse me, could you point me to some replacement 300mm hacksaw blades?" The employee smiles and replies, "It's just ove-" at that moment the employee happens to notice the large pool of blood forming at Spademan's feet. "Sir, are you alright?!"
"Of course I am. I was just lopping off my leg here so I could receive government benefits to play video games and wouldn't you know it the blade broke right in two." Spademan chuckles. "Anyway, about those blades..."
"You are a crazy person, aren't you?" the employee slowly moves toward the office phone behind him.
"Goodness no! But even with a half-torn off leg I can jump behind that counter quick as a flash so why don't we just leave that phone where it is and find those 300mm hacksaw blades. I saw a sticker sale as I was coming in. Are they 25% off?"
"...yes..."
"Oh goody!"
I attempted to make the above story as British as I knew how. I apologize for any inconsistencies.
He imposes order on the chaos of organic evolution...
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