Hynox Xitio
0uter.Heaven
1375
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Posted - 2014.06.30 16:37:00 -
[1] - Quote
There comes a point in life where we ask ourselves, what is free will? What is our purpose in life? Are we alone in the universe? Do we know what true freedom is? The answer to all of these questions is "Hynox Xitio". There comes a time where smart people must do stupid things. It is time for you to do that stupid idea; vote for Hynox.
Are you tired of all the legitimate candidates out there?
Do you want to waste a vote?
Do you want someone who people listen to, but don't respect?
Do you want someone who doesn't know what an NDA is?
As Royal Wizard of Outer Heaven, I hereby proclaim my crusade to become glorious leader of the CPM. With my unrelenting intellect, and your money, we can usher in a new golden age for the few months Dust 514 will continue to exist. I will not rest until absolutely no man, woman, or child is content with the game. The question must also be asked, why am I running? What drives me to embark on this great crusade to become the king of space? The answer is simple: I am bored, and if you elect me, you will be bored too.
Am I willing to kill at a moments notice for victory? Yes.
Am I willing to travel to Iceland? No!
Will I be moving over to Legion? No!
Am I educated enough to make rational decisions and arguments? No!
Do I want your votes? Yes I do.
Upon attaining my fascist throne as godking of the CPM, I will strive towards my ultimate goal: to beat CCP Blowout in a game of Connect 4. A vote for Hynox is a vote to keep seriousness at bay. What better candidate than one who barely plays anymore and has been banned multiple times!
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
I have created cancer-curing zebras.
I have scaled Mount Everest whilst naked.
I have solved world hunger in an entire solar system.
I've shaken hands with Theodore Roosevelt.
I've beaten Adolf Hit ler in a fistfight.
I once defended an African tribe from polar bears by playing the flute.
I am fluent in 363 languages.
I ate an entire alpaca by the age of 6.
I've killed thousands of Na zis in the war with a pan of cinnamon rolls.
I have created over a dozen alien races with my mind alone.
I have traveled to the moon and back using a saxophone and a 4 foot long stick.
I defeated the Aztec armies with my ancient combat techniques.
I slew a saber tooth tiger with a traffic cone during the Korean War.
I turned the tide of D-Day with my 57 minute jazz odyssey.
I created an omniscient cyborg and then destroyed it over the course of a 60 year war.
I was born in a field of flowers in Babylon.
I saved over 200 infant children from the wrath of a troll armada.
I have crafted an army of kitten warriors that bested the Japanese during the second World War.
I won an 82 player game of chess.
I have mastered all forms of martial arts.
I have fought in all human conflicts over the last 40,000 years, except for the war of 1812.
I own a space cougar that is responsible for the destruction of several nations.
I have the money and resources to create the largest empire in the history of man.
Upon death, I am simply reborn into an identical body.
I possess over 30 weapons made entirely of solid gold.
I watched the entirety of There Will Be Blood without blinking.
I have several gulags created in faraway lands to house my immortal enemies.
I once ruled the world for 17 years, then quit because I got bored.
I own a lightsaber.
I once jogged across the Pacific Ocean.
I have created several art pieces now renowned as classic masterpieces.
I have performed 97 open heart surgeries, 34 of which being on aliens.
I once meditated for 3000 years exactly.
I inspired Nelson Mandela.
The five second rule does not apply to me, time bends in my presence.
I created clarinets encased in diamonds in my spare time.
I am a wanted outlaw in all nations except for the US and Morocco.
I sleep once every 35 years.
I sleep fully submerged in the Atlantic Ocean.
I once beat a bull in a fight to the death.
I have beaten the sun in a staring contest.
I have destroyed distant planets with my gaze of fury.
I have touched MC Hammer.
I willed sharks into existence because I felt the world was too peaceful.
I accidentally started World War I.
I genetically altered all humans millennia ago to have five fingers instead of eight.
I swim in the depths of Mount Vesuvius on a regular basis.
I am the reason megalodons no longer exist.
I once inspired HR Giger by accident.
I woo women with nothing but a heart of gold and drawings of ducks.
As a pastime, I wrestle alligators in the amazon.
In compliance with intergalactic sanctions, I plunge myself into the sun every year to limit my power.
I give my pet dog alien bones.
Everyday I force the morally corrupt to watch Mall Cop.
I kayaked to the ISS, twice.
The compendium of my life is large enough to fill a dozen libraries.
I climbed the Eiffel tower with my favorite scooter.
I have played leap frog on Neptune,
but I have not yet been in the CPM.
Vote for Hynox, it could be worse.
Unleash the Fogwoggler, follow your dreams.
( -íº -£-û -íº) /)
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