Nova Knife
Seituoda Taskforce Command
Caldari State
2530
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Posted - 2014.05.21 04:39:00 -
[1] - Quote
Firstly, I feel it should be said that I will not dispute this decision, and I will stand behind CCP for making it. Since my removal was been announced, there has been speculation as to the reason. I am writing this post to hopefully clear that up. It is not my intention to come across as a hero, inspire outrage, or come off as trying to make myself a martyr, or anything silly like that. My removal was a consequence for my actions, and I have no intention of doing anything but take full responsibility for that.
The simple truth is, I have always been a passionate person. This passion is what led to my being chosen for the CPM in the first place, and is ultimately what led to my "downfall"as a council member. I have never been afraid to step on toes to express my opinions and concerns. My passion sometimes got the better of me, and in expressing myself there were times when I crossed the line. Many times over the last year I have told CCP that the manner in which they communicate is much more important than how often they communicate. A lesson which I had failed to heed myself at times. Inexperience left me ill-prepared to interact with CCP on the level that was expected of us as a council, and because of this my approach to doing so was flawed from the start.
As a person I value honesty above anything else, and I expressed this honesty by voicing concerns with things CCP presented to us in a manner that was often more incendiary than necessary. Truthfully, I would have loved to have been a cheerleader and squealed with glee at everything CCP shared with us... But in thinking that it was the council's job to be critical, I quickly found myself being the "bad cop" among the council and was typically the one who spoke out against things being presented over the course of the year.
I honestly did not like that I had become so cynical and pessimistic about something I love so much, and I yearned for the days' past when I salivated with giddy excitement with every new bit of dust news... And yet, this was something I could not do. I could not smile and pretend things were fine when they were not. It broke my heart to see and hear the things we had to discuss sometimes, and broke it further when I felt I had to rain on someone's parade as they brought us an idea they were clearly excited about, only to hear myself and/or the other council members immediately reject or express serious concerns about that idea.
That is not to say that CCP did not come to us with amazing and exciting things, but the positive conversations unfortunately have little bearing on what brought us to where we are now and why I was dismissed from the council. To clarify; Some have speculated that I went into a state of sheer nerdrage after fanfest, and this is what caused my dismissal. This is not the case by any means. While fanfest was an emotional and heartbreaking time for the entire council, much of what was presented to us before and after fanfest was in fact quite positive. My single largest regret in all this is that I can no longer take part in those discussions anymore, many of which were truly exciting and brought back the hope I had once expressed so enthusiastically in the past.
In Summary;
My removal was a result of my own actions, to which I fully accept and condone the consequences. I am heartbroken that it came to this, but ultimately the blame lies with me. For this, I can only apologize. To CCP, to my fellow Councilbros, and especially to the players. All of whom I have let down with my actions. At the end of the day, this has been a lesson in humility for me. I carried myself in a way that was entirely unjustified, and looking back over these past two years I have been working with CCP... I can see many examples of things I could have done and said differently. All I can do is make sure that moving forward, this lesson is one I do not ignore.
The experience of being on the council and getting to view the internal workings of a company was invaluable, and it was just that; experience. Regardless of how things turned out, I would like to think that what I learned as a result will allow me to make better choices in the future. At least, I hope so. For that, I can only express gratitude to CCP to allowing me the opportunity to work with them, and my fellow players for making it worth it and fueling my passion for the game enough for this to have been possible in the first place.
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