I'll have to say, you wrote a good story. But, there's many faults in the lore here, not to mention having the completely wrong idea of how the Federation and State people behave. While Solar Fleet is Russian, and their language is kind of part of the established canon, I find it questionable to have a group of Federal Marines speak the language, all have Russian names and adress each other like in the Soviet Union. Caldari committing seppuku sounds equally questionable too.

In general, this story doesn't feel like New Eden, you coul have changed a few names around and it would have instantly been a story based in WWII. You have the wrong idea of what the different Empires are, especially with the Caldari, they're not quite facists.

As for personas, I'm not emblemizing the entire Federation with Russian people, but I'm at least sectioning this squad to be Russian. After all, would it make sense to you that a Russian be placed in a squad, with, say, Vietnamese or British? That would be most weird--it would make sense to stick men with men of similar races. Such as they did during WWII--blacks with blacks, Japanese with Japnese (the Nisei, I believe they were called).

I'm playing off, more likely, on the fact of the names CCP chose to represent the different factions of EVE.

You have the Caldari States. Notice "States." Ref United States, perhaps? A blend of Corporatism (and Capitalism) and Fascism? (What with socialist reforms that promote over-welfare state and reduce freedoms like Patriot Act and Obamacare? Patriot Act being created by Bush but strengthened by Obama Administration.)

Then you have the the Gallente FEDERATION. Note, Russian Federation. It's all a play of words. Now before you dismiss me as a quack, here's more suspicion:

CCP's name and emblem. CCP's emblem highlights yet another C, suggesting CCCP, or the SSSR.
DUST 514. DUST itself may not be important, but on May 14, 1955, (5/14), the Warsaw Pact was signed.

Might be all conspiracy theory to you but I must say, Coincidence, yes?

Combine that with Censorship (on behalf of Devs) and whatnot, you have the perfect coincidence, or true setup, whichever you believe.

Well, needless to say interesting. I will keep that in mind. But as for these stories, these are Fiction nonetheless. Maybe it may not tie in perfectly according to "expectations" of EVE Standard Lore, and by all means these may feel a little unorthodox.

I feel perhaps we should let our Literature speak for themselves, rather than trying to interpret things in some random manner that may or may not be true. In this manner, seeing that you are a writer, let us write then--each to his own.

What we create, we make our own worlds. Whether our worlds are next to each other, melded into each other, or too dastardly far away--well, that is for our words to tell, no?

I'm fine with a little use of poetic license when creating this kind of fiction, in the end this is just fanfiction and unlikely to ever be recognized by CCP as official canon. The thing is though, New Eden has a vast and rich lore, with many chronicles, wiki articles and even a whole book dedicated to telling us more about this world and its people. Ignoring this lore in favor of your own interpretation defeats the point of basing it in New Eden. About a month ago another person who shall remain anonymous came in here to post his own fiction. Pretty much everything he wrote was made up by him aside the name Caldari, it was an entirely different universe. I may sound a little arrogant when I say this, but I know a lot about the lore, and many people in DUST 514 Fiction and Intergalactic Summit consider me a higher authority along with True Adamance and Dagger Two when studying if some interpretations of the lore make sense or not.

But I digress, it's still your fiction and you have a right to write it how you see fit. What I'm trying to do here, is making sure that you don't have the wrong impression of the lore, there's not much room for personal interpretation when roleplaying. It's fine if you make your own interpretations of things that have very little lore about them, like the specifics of the Intaki language, cultural habits on Intaki V or the firing mechanics of a scrambler rifle, I do that with my corporation, and that's what my blog is all about. But with things like Empire politics, things that have many pages dedicated to them, you can't deviate from what is established or people are going to notify you about it.

If you want to know more about the lore, I suggest you go to EVElopedia, it's the hub for pretty much all lore in New Eden.

Then you have the the Gallente FEDERATION. Note, Russian Federation. It's all a play of words. Now before you dismiss me as a quack, here's more suspicion:

CCP's name and emblem. CCP's emblem highlights yet another C, suggesting CCCP, or the SSSR.
DUST 514. DUST itself may not be important, but on May 14, 1955, (5/14), the Warsaw Pact was signed.

Might be all conspiracy theory to you but I must say, Coincidence, yes?

And yet they took on a fortified district with no friendly causalities. Unrealistic at least kill of the new guy or the sarge mix it up. Also hawk don't take mortals for granted their military equipment can hurt us just it would tickle not sting.