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Lilana Renarde
Edimmu Warfighters
Gallente Federation
0
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Posted - 2014.04.06 03:02:00 -
[1] - Quote
The Unholy Legion of DarkStar
CEO: JoshuaEvil666
Tax Rate: 5%
Member: 1260
Alliance: DarkStar Army
Biggest Assets: Sheer, unadulterated numbers. 1,200+ members feed the corporation wallet, even at the modest tax rate. Don't be surprised if this corporation is one of the richest in DUST without abusing Planetary Conquest.
Persons to watch out for
"Uncle" CEOPyrex: Many believe that His clones are created by the Jove and the legendary NanoCleric (see below). There is no telling what "Uncle" Pyrex has over the Jove that they would help a lowly man. Of course, calling Pyrex a lowly man would naturally result in falling into His trap. Be very, very careful running into this beast of a creature. Pyrex is well known for running incredibly overpowered weapons such as the Flaylock. But no! That isn't enough for this monster. During the last two weeks, He has been using two Flaylocks! It is known that when referring to "Uncle" Pyrex in the third person, one MUST capitalize He or Him or "Uncle" will fall upon you in the night. You will go into His sack and never be heard from again...
JoshuaEvil666: The only creature more evil than "Uncle" is JoshuaEvil666. said to be the byproduct of a hate orgy between a Gallente homeless man, a Caldari businesswoman, a Minmatar slave liberator, and an Amarr Templar (both genders unknown), JoshuaEvil666 is so evil that The Beast from early Earth religion took it's number FROM JoshuaEvil666. Little else is known about him. As a side note; the Infiltrator sent in mentioned that JoshuaEvil666 had several large, foreboding closets. When asked what was in the closets, the Infiltrator went silent and only said "I don't want to talk about it." To be make something clear, the Infiltrator was involved in ground based combat on Caldari Prime.
DaiReaver: The only person that wouldn't speak to the Infiltrator so little could be discovered about it. A look at his financial records proves that he gives an excessive amount of ISK to orphan children. Despite his, quote, "cold dead eyes" it is believed that DaiReaver might be a decent human being. Of course, who heard of an innocent Immortal?
"Unknown Signal": Fascinating entity. During ground based combat, the only name that comes forth from the Immortal is "Unknown Signal." His/Her voice fluctuates wildly. Once it was a deep baritone. Another it was an operatic voice. Sometimes it is even the voice of children. Without a doubt, the strangest time all voice communications failed (due to EMP attack from orbit) yet "Unknown Signal" continued to 'speak.' The Infiltrator explained it as "static and scratches that made up complete sense at the time." Strangely, the Infiltrator suffered severe brain trauma due to "the incident" and had to activate a new clone. Nosebleeds are still common despite hundreds of new clones.
NanoCleric: Demon to some, angel to others. NanoCleric is said to have learned from the great Amarr prophets how to use his religious beliefs to control nanites. This has allowed him to do far, far more than what should be possible. It is believed, despite being nigh-godly, "Uncle" holds something over NanoCleric who is forced to modify His clones. NanoCleric is known to be able to reuse nanites from a nanohive after they have restocked his weapons. This is, obviously, violating the laws of physics but he, quote, "Doesn't care."
TortDogg: Efficient fighter, most deadly with the Plasma Cannon. On more than one occasion, TortDogg has grown bored of the battle and destroyed the enemy MCC with a single shot of the Plasma Cannon. The Infiltrator stole one and sent it to the State to unlock its secrets but it is more likely TortDogg that would need to be studied. Infiltrator note: "it is a rumor inside TUL that TortDogg is a slaver hound inside their dropsuit. Cannot confirm."
Eddie Rio: Fine connoisseur of various wines. Always goes into battle with "Derek the Bird" who loudly tweets away Eddie Rio and company's position. When a Private in the DarkStar Army questioned Eddie Riot for the bird, Eddie Rio shot them repeatedly. Derek continues to tweet to this day. No one seems to complain anymore.
TUL Recruiter: Minister of Propaganda. Responsible for recruiting starry eyed Capsuleers who are later turned into New Eden's finest killers. TUL Recruiter has no life beyond making propaganda. Nothing else can be sad. They make propaganda and make sure there is always a supply of new guys to join TUL. "Nuff said."
NanoSpark: Despite TUL having a being of pure Evil, a possible Slaver Hound, a man who goes into battle with a bird, and whatever the hell "Uncle" Pyrex is, NanoSpark might be the most unique entity. People like to believe Immortals / 'DUST Bunnies' are far inferior to the space faring Capsuleers. It is of the opinion of the writer that NanoSpark disproves that notion, at least in the case of NanoSpark and NanoCleric. Yes, NanoCleric created NanoSpark from a chewing gum wrapper, a bottle of Quafe, a drop of sweat from "Uncle" Pyrex, and a bit of seed chewed on by Derek. NanoSpark is cold, emotionless, and only takes orders from NanoCleric. Not even "Uncle" has been able to give NanoSpark an order. NanoSpark is said to be such a terrifying pilot that they can make Capital Missiles deal full damage against a MWD Rifter. This is keeping with NanoSpark and NanoCleric's abuse of the laws of physics...
Disclaimer: The above is entirely a work of fiction and has no bearing on the actual people that play the characters. They are all good people that clearly enjoy playing the game. Please do not take offense at this; it was meant as an homage to some of the greatest people in our community. |
Lilana Renarde
Edimmu Warfighters
Gallente Federation
3
|
Posted - 2014.04.06 12:51:00 -
[2] - Quote
One of the advantages of having friends is that you can bribe them with tickets to write the dossier. As such:
Give 288 tickets to Sarge Egras (I believe the term is SWIM)
Give 30 tickets to Joseph Ridgeson (the author of the dossier)
I will hold on to the Saboteur points for now and pick them later. If something were to happen to me, such as going into Pyrex's bag, I give Sarge Egras rights on where to put the points. |
Lilana Renarde
Edimmu Warfighters
Gallente Federation
7
|
Posted - 2014.04.20 10:32:00 -
[3] - Quote
DUST University
CEO: Dennie Fleetfoot
Tax Rate: 5%
Alliance: Ivy League
People of note:
Jason Punk: "I would rather run into my mother in law hyped on Quafe + in a dark alley than get on Punk's bad side" so says 'The Infiltrator.' Jason Punk is the reason why DUST University's MCC shoots missiles that are faster and more deadly than a Leviathan's Doomsday. Jason Punk chucks the missiles at the enemy MCC one handed. This produces a far more deadly impact and saves DUST Uni money on propellant so they can have more classrooms.
Blind Cat: Ironically, Blind Cat has eyesight so sharp they can see nanites reloading weapons. Blind Cat is said to hate water and carries an attitude like they are better than everyone else. Of course, all Blind Cat wants is someone to rub their tumtum... so Blind Cat can rake every speck of flesh off of their arm. 'The Infiltrator' states: "Totally worth the blood loss."
Keldust Revaan: How do you run a huge organization built around teaching newly minted Immortals how to kill while still staying in the black? Well, you don't but you can stay out of the Red by having accounting wizards like Keldust Revaan. Keldust was originally an accountant in the Caldari State and has brought those skills to DUST Uni. Keldust was once able to write off Tibus Heth flying to Gallente Prime/Luminaire and urinating on Gallente President Jacus Roden's desk... as a 'business expense.' If you need to stretch 1 isk to feed 100 mercenaries, call Keldust. Great sense of humor. "Don't ask about the eye-patch. I did; until that moment, I had no idea someone could force my own foot into my bottom." - 'The Infiltrator'
Drunken Moron: Teetotaler super genius. Ever wonder why when a mercenary comes out of a Drop Uplink they are completely immune to fire for a few seconds? That would be Moron's invention. Originally designed to be soley for DUST University members, CEO Dennie Fleetfoot (see below) believed "that is unfair." Moron is soft spoken and thinks aloud by whispering. According to 'The Infiltrator': "occasionally, you will hear 'we could kill them all' whispered from Drunken Moron. If Moron sees you after the whisper, expect a smile that could get fear-sweat from a lump of veldspar."
TrueXer0: Massively tall brute. Favorite trick to do on the battlefield involves jumping atop a tank, punching it repeatedly while shouting things like "YOUR MOTHER IS A CLASSY LADY!" Eventually, the tank operator will get frustrated and attempt to shake them off, to no avail. After getting bored with the frustration of the tank, TrueXer0 shoves his fist down the barrel. Strangely, this causes the tank to explode and for TrueXer0 to get a ring of metal around his mildly blackened fist. He will then run about laughing like a loony and look for his next victim.
Sherrad Ventonii: Primary instructor at the DUST University "War College of War." Sherrad states: "Yes, there is a redundancy there and that is the point. If you are behind enemy lines and your weapon fails, you want to have a backup. If your Rail Rifle suddenly runs out of ammo, you better have a nanohive. If your nanohive is blown apart, you better have a sidearm. If your Sidearm is out of ammo, you better beat them to death. If you can't beat them to death, you are going to have to answer to me." A good lesson. Sherrad is known for going into battle carrying an entire supply depot. Always be prepared.
Phyxitt Blaze: "Second nicest person I ever met. We had cookies, sipped a nice tea, and even talked about the finer points of inertial dampeners." 'The Infiltrator' went like this for several hours. My job is to condense the information of a 'giddy schoolgirl that is talking about their boy crush'. I know 'The Infiltrator' is trained in psychological warfare but (gender deleted) snapped and I refuse to continue in this line. In short: Phyxxitt Blaze is an AV Specialist. They favor Sniper Rifles and Nova Knives to get the job done. "How" could not be ascertained from 'The Infiltrator' because (gender deleted) still won't shut up about Blaze.
Kevall Longstride: "You know how most mercenaries favor dropsuits rather than body armor for battle. Well, Kevall favor a 'birthday suit' for battle conditions. Longstride moves faster than an LAV without a fuel injector while completely nude. Wearing anything other than a smile apparently slows him down too much. This unusual tactic is quite effective and has the enemy being completely unable to fight back." - 'The Infiltrator'
Creepsh0w: Mercenaries like to say that Judge or Evo are the best Dropship pilots around. This is untrue. That honor goes to Creepsh0w. In fact, Creepsh0w taught both Judge and Evo how to fly. Of course, the master did not reveal all of the tricks."There are 8 unbeatable tactics on how to fly a Dropship. I will show you 6 in case I ever have to use the other 2 against you!" Remarkably skilled pilot for missing an eye, a leg, and having two hooks for hands.
Dennie Fleetfoot: Dennie Fleetfoot is the greatest person around. He is New Eden's version of Mister Rogers. Quafe is said to be the great diplomat around. False: Dennie Fleetwood. The first smile of your newborn child is said to be the most beautiful smile. Flase: Dennie Fleetfoot's smile. Dennie Fleetfoot is the CEO of DUST University and keeps this band together as a tight group. He discovered 'The Infiltrator' and only responded: "I love you just the way you are." 'The Infiltrator' is still misty eyed.
Disclaimer: The above is entirely a work of fiction, except for the part about Dennie Fleetfoot.
As an EVE player, I know how brutally difficult the game is and how damn important EVE University is. DUST University is keeping the tradition of helping new players adapt to an unforgiving but rewarding game. I have nothing but the highest respect for both of them. |
Lilana Renarde
Edimmu Warfighters
Gallente Federation
9
|
Posted - 2014.04.20 10:49:00 -
[4] - Quote
Extra note:
In the time 'The Infiltrator' was one to get the pictures, they received three different messages that were along the lines of "Oh, you are new? Do you need help finding a squad?" DUST University is THE BEST place to start if you are a new player. If you are disgusted by the jerks in the game, join DUST University. I played a couple games with them. Awesome group.
Please give Joseph Ridgeson the 30 tickets, assuming the dossier bit is accepted (the writer of the article)
Sarge Egras to get the rest. Again, Sarge Egras is still SWIM. |
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