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General Zarkaithnia
The Surrogates Of War
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Posted - 2014.01.01 10:20:00 -
[1] - Quote
I am posting this here since a corp member suggested I do so. Seems like a great idea  . I always look forward to hearing what people think about this  . I would just post the whole text here but it's too long and I shortened the heck out of it ._. Enjoy guys!!! http://ghettostargalatice.webs.com/apps/forums/topics/show/9272605-general-zarkaithnia-s-background
Looking forward to what you guys have to say |
Denak Kalamari
Intaki Liberation Front
Intaki Prosperity Initiative
784
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Posted - 2014.01.01 10:41:00 -
[2] - Quote
First of all, this would fit more into the DUST 514 Fiction forum.
Secondly, add some paragraphs bro, that massive wall of text is really hard to read.
And thirdly, I'm having a hard time thinking that this is an actual serious attempt at writing a backstory. It violates so much lore that I lost count, and is so Mary Sue my eyes are bleeding. Reading that thread, you said that you came up with this when you were a kid, and incorporated as your DUST character's backstory. It's a really, really, really, really bad idea.
Grahisha of ILF // Writer of Thoughts of a Clone Soldier // Latest entry published Dec. 31st
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General Zarkaithnia
The Surrogates Of War
1
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Posted - 2014.01.01 11:19:00 -
[3] - Quote
Yeah I'll definitely add paragraphs. And thanks for telling me where to put it!! I haven't read the Eve lore so I'll take your word for it. Yeah I did come up with it then haha. Been modifying it ever since as I get older to try to make it better work in this universe. I can see how it's a bad idea...it doesn't fit with the lore. But that's okay. I'll just have to read up on it some time and make it fit. But all that aside from fitting in with Eve and formatting, how is it :) |
Denak Kalamari
Intaki Liberation Front
Intaki Prosperity Initiative
788
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Posted - 2014.01.01 12:11:00 -
[4] - Quote
General Zarkaithnia wrote:Yeah I'll definitely add paragraphs. And thanks for telling me where to put it!! I haven't read the Eve lore so I'll take your word for it. Yeah I did come up with it then haha. Been modifying it ever since as I get older to try to make it better work in this universe. I can see how it's a bad idea...it doesn't fit with the lore. But that's okay. I'll just have to read up on it some time and make it fit. But all that aside from fitting in with Eve and formatting, how is it :)
Reading that thing, it's better if you just scrap it and start completely fresh, because the while premise of your character being from another galaxy, having references to earth and and a lot of other things doesn't fit anywhere in the New Eden lore.
And really, to me your story just seemed a poor attempt at making a utopistic American dream rather than an actual backstory to your character. And the creation of god superhuman part, it just sounds plain ridicilous and silly, even out of the New Eden universe.
My advise, scrap the whole story. Read the Evelopedia, very thoroughly before you start starting a new backstory.
Grahisha of ILF // Writer of Thoughts of a Clone Soldier // Latest entry published Dec. 31st
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General Zarkaithnia
The Surrogates Of War
1
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Posted - 2014.01.03 03:31:00 -
[5] - Quote
That's alright if it doesn't fit in the lore haha, I'm not changing it, but like I said I will take a look at the lore and see what I can add or modify it some how. And not really a poor attempt....that's kind of a **** move right there. As I said before, I have had this character for a long long time and as I get older I change and modify it. I see no more need to do so except to maybe make it fit better in Eve. As for what you said about how I became General Zarkaithnia...I have to admit you're kinda right, but it's my story and I'm sticking to it. I wouldn't say I am a super human or even was in my story. Yeah those nanao machines I designed gave me super human abilities, but a super human is a natural thing and nano machines ain't natural. Anyway..bottom line is I am not scrapping this story and never will ALTHOUGH I might odify it if I deem it necessary to do so which I probably will. So thanks for your feedback. |
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