It's almost impossible for me to make an alt and not graduate in one match, unless I'm trying out a Plasma Cannon or something. I swear, you can just run around hipfiring at everything and go 40/5. These players don't know how anything works and nothing is taught to them. This is the amazing curriculum and what happens to new players.

1. Initiate a public contract.

• Spawn in MCC and jump out without activating dampeners. Die.
• Spawn on ground and run by 10 hackable objects.
• Shoot at terminal hub, because it is red.
• Try to blow up enemy Blaster Turret with grenades,
• Cook a grenade until it kills you.
• Shoot one guy in the toe with your Assault Rifle.
• Run out of ammo and not know you have another gun. Run around clicking.
• Stand around confused when someone actually uses a supply depot.
• Shoot at friendly uplinks. Don't spawn on them.
• Take an injector and inject the floor with it.

2. Invest in a skill.

• Open skill panel, get confused.
• Browse skills, unaware of the difference between MLT, STD, ADV, PRO gear or suit classes.
• EITHER: Waste all SP on random skill path
• OR invest SP in turret operation 1, with no intention of being a tanker, because you think you need it to operate that big Blaster Turret that slaughtered you in your first match.
• Exit screen and be congratulated on wasting either hours of SP, or weeks' worth.

3. Create a valid fitting.

• Open fittings screen, get confused.
• Read tutorial text.
• Fit a militia Caldari suit with a militia Scrambler Pistol, militia SMG, militia armor repairer and 2 militia light damage modifiers. The screen turns red when you try to use that nanohive thingy, so you say 'screw it' and leave.
• Exit screen and be congratulated with some LAVs and something called an Active 1-Day Booster.

POST TUTORIALS: 4. What's that booster thingy?

• Wander around until you find "Augmentations."
• Activate booster immediately.

POST TUTORIALS: 5. At least this game hasn't been very hard so far.

• Start a match.
• Die to a proto with 2.5x the health and a Duvolle + Mods with 1.5x the damage in 1 second from 50m away.
• Get OHKO'd by a Charge Sniper Rifle 350m away.
• Get OHKO'd by every tier of Locus Grenade.
• Get 2HKO'd by a Madrugar blaster to the face.
• Get smushed by a LLAV against a rock.
• Get OHKO'd by a Railgun Turret 250m away.
• Get 2HKO'd by a Scrambler Rifle 60m away.
• Get 3HKO'd by a Mass Driver as you cower behind a crate.
• Get OHKO'd by a Forge Gun 200m away.
• Get OHKO'd by an Orbital from space.
• Spend 90% of the match running around if it's Skirmish, without knowing how to call in those starter LAVs.
• Spend 90% of the match getting spawn camped if it's Ambush.
• Spend 90% of the match redlined if it's Domination.

POST TUTORIALS: 6. Should I keep playing?

• Sees they only obtained 4,000 SP + 2,000 booster bonus.
• Sees that they need 600,000 SP to start speccing into proficiency.
• Sees they need millions in core skills.
• Sees they need millions in suits.
• Remembers only earning 6000 SP a match.
• Remembers that they gain 210,000 SP a week in passive and log on SP, and only 190,000 SP a week for actually playing.
• Stops actually playing.