IMMORTAL WAR HERO
BAD SANTA'S SCHOOL 4 SCOUNDRELS
74
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Posted - 2013.11.18 07:30:00 -
[1] - Quote
Borne Velvalor wrote:It's almost impossible for me to make an alt and not graduate in one match, unless I'm trying out a Plasma Cannon or something. I swear, you can just run around hipfiring at everything and go 40/5. These players don't know how anything works and nothing is taught to them. This is the amazing curriculum and what happens to new players. 1. Initiate a public contract.
- Spawn in MCC and jump out without activating dampeners. Die.
- Spawn on ground and run by 10 hackable objects.
- Shoot at terminal hub, because it is red.
- Try to blow up enemy Blaster Turret with grenades,
- Cook a grenade until it kills you.
- Shoot one guy in the toe with your Assault Rifle.
- Run out of ammo and not know you have another gun. Run around clicking.
- Stand around confused when someone actually uses a supply depot.
- Shoot at friendly uplinks. Don't spawn on them.
- Take an injector and inject the floor with it.
2. Invest in a skill.
- Open skill panel, get confused.
- Browse skills, unaware of the difference between MLT, STD, ADV, PRO gear or suit classes.
- EITHER: Waste all SP on random skill path
- OR invest SP in turret operation 1, with no intention of being a tanker, because you think you need it to operate that big Blaster Turret that slaughtered you in your first match.
- Exit screen and be congratulated on wasting either hours of SP, or weeks' worth.
3. Create a valid fitting.
- Open fittings screen, get confused.
- Read tutorial text.
- Fit a militia Caldari suit with a militia Scrambler Pistol, militia SMG, militia armor repairer and 2 militia light damage modifiers. The screen turns red when you try to use that nanohive thingy, so you say 'screw it' and leave.
- Exit screen and be congratulated with some LAVs and something called an Active 1-Day Booster.
POST TUTORIALS: 4. What's that booster thingy?
- Wander around until you find "Augmentations."
- Activate booster immediately.
POST TUTORIALS: 5. At least this game hasn't been very hard so far.
- Start a match.
- Die to a proto with 2.5x the health and a Duvolle + Mods with 1.5x the damage in 1 second from 50m away.
- Get OHKO'd by a Charge Sniper Rifle 350m away.
- Get OHKO'd by every tier of Locus Grenade.
- Get 2HKO'd by a Madrugar blaster to the face.
- Get smushed by a LLAV against a rock.
- Get OHKO'd by a Railgun Turret 250m away.
- Get 2HKO'd by a Scrambler Rifle 60m away.
- Get 3HKO'd by a Mass Driver as you cower behind a crate.
- Get OHKO'd by a Forge Gun 200m away.
- Get OHKO'd by an Orbital from space.
- Spend 90% of the match running around if it's Skirmish, without knowing how to call in those starter LAVs.
- Spend 90% of the match getting spawn camped if it's Ambush.
- Spend 90% of the match redlined if it's Domination.
POST TUTORIALS: 6. Should I keep playing?
- Sees they only obtained 4,000 SP + 2,000 booster bonus.
- Sees that they need 600,000 SP to start speccing into proficiency.
- Sees they need millions in core skills.
- Sees they need millions in suits.
- Remembers only earning 6000 SP a match.
- Remembers that they gain 210,000 SP a week in passive and log on SP, and only 190,000 SP a week for actually playing.
- Stops actually playing.
lol this is the best postive ever see..... spawn on mcc......... die lol
Frowned upon by amateurs: The object of war is not to die for your country but make the other bastard die for his. GSP
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