Poonmunch
Sanguis Defense Syndicate
396
   |
Posted - 2013.09.24 04:38:00 -
[1] - Quote
Hello, my name is Poonmunch and I'm a patch-aholic.
I've always liked and played video games.
I had my first patch right after I bought Mechwarrior back in the 90's. It was an experience I'll never forget. Everything was more exciting, smoother and I felt like God. Stomping around some god-forsaken hell-hole of a planet in my Shadow Cat got better and better with each patch.
Soon, I was eagerly awaiting patches to all the games I had. I played and patched - it was glorious! Patch, play, patch, play .. I'm sure you guys know the drill.
Patches once a year or even every 6 months felt like an eternity. Games companies know this, of course, so they'd dangle patches like candy before a baby.
It all became a blur. One patch blended into the next. I was starting to lose track of time on weekends and holidays. Then in the evenings. Then one day I called in sick to work so I could download a patch and play my ass off. Then I started calling in sick several times per month.
Soon, I wasn't just expecting patches. I was starting to need them. They couldn't come fast enough. I needed more patches with more content more often. I called Bungie customer service one time angrily demanding a patch - I threatened the customer service guy but I was smart; I was using my fake Mexican accent, so he couldn't identify me later.
I continued downloading and playing all day and all night. My marriage suffered, my job suffered and I lost several goldfish. I was starting to wear extra large adult diapers, so I could avoid getting out of my chair for as long as possible. Patch, play, patch, play - the cycle was gripping me with steel-tight bands.
One day I started getting up in the morning and having a patch or two before breakfast. And a few at bedtime to keep the edge off and let sleep overtake me.
I had the shakes and I had 'em bad. I stopped caring about anything except patches and playing. The Bungee guys knew who I was because I'd long since abandoned the Mexican accent, so my calls were all blocked. I tried other accents but they had my number on call-display.
Blocked customer service calls started to happen with other companies as word got around. BioWare, EA, Blizzard, Microsoft, Sony ... then finally Nintendo.
Nintendo, for god's sake. How far I'd fallen.
I'd hit rock bottom.
My name is Poonmunch and I'm a patch-aholic.
Munch |
Poonmunch
Sanguis Defense Syndicate
405
|
Posted - 2013.09.25 01:47:00 -
[3] - Quote
itsmellslikefish wrote:Poonmunch wrote:Thanks guys,
With your support I can get through this.
Munch Past I got an idea what if you we sold the patches at a PR (patchaaholic rehabilitation) Clinic? I will cook the the patches and you sell them, eventually il be able to afodr treatment for my clone cancer. /puts yellow logi suit and yells "Poonmunch, we need to cook!"
I'm in, bro. I'll go get my hibachi.
Munch |