Galm Fae
Guardian Solutions
DARKSTAR ARMY
97
   |
Posted - 2013.09.10 04:11:00 -
[1] - Quote
I could be mistaken, but I think I was the first to coin the term "going 514" in some older posts. I could be wrong and it matters little, I am just glad the term caught on. It raises awareness of the very real threat that we face as immortals. It's a constant fear that I struggled with every day of my unlife.
My most sincere condolences for your loss. No man should have to go through that. I can promise you that you are not alone out there. I've had my run-in with the horrors of losing your mind to the constant stress of combat. Mixed in with the mindfuck of a faulty implant, it can seriously mess you up.
These days I try to keep back the tide in any way I can. When I can keep myself at rest and think clearly I feel just fine. Other times however, I will go through phases where my current state will degrade for weeks at a time before I finally bounce back. I tried blue pills, but they just made me more manic and the hallucinations kept giving me nightmares. Mindflood dulled the pain just fine, but eventually you come down from that high and you just want to shoot yourself to make the sickness stop, or you end up relapsing in the middle of a mission.
My newest poison is frentix. I guzzle down a bottle and just lay in my rack, riding out the storm. I hate myself for it, but it is better than losing it and spiraling into depression, y'know? |
Galm Fae
Guardian Solutions
DARKSTAR ARMY
97
|
Posted - 2013.09.11 00:58:00 -
[2] - Quote
Rikaato. Again, I am just happy that the term is finally being applied by people more qualified to speak on this matter than myself. As Ryeon-haani spoke, I don't believe that any of us have gone around the bend yet. Some of us might be at the threshold, but we still seem to be in control of our own actions most of the time. Even Foley, mad as he is, hasn't really suffered from the type of madness we are talking about. As long as this summit continues and we are allowed to help eachother overcome our demons, we stand a very good chance of keeping composed.
I twitch sometimes and become irritable in the chow line, sure. But that is a far cry from crawling around on all fours and talking to people that aren't there. In my opinion, this form of madness is far worse than the issues we saw in the first generations. You can purge a first gen out of his implant, but when a man's mind is broken there is little you can do except put him down for good. It is one thing to joke about it or use it as an excuse for sick leave. It is another to truly seem a man break down beyond repair and cave in on himself.
(Side note: It is a fair call that we have our own histories. Then again, you don't rack the kind of combat record that gets you into this program by staying home and studying.)
Additionally, Ryeon-haani... Forgive me, but the conditions you describe t--
Respectfully withdrawn. I don't mean to pry. Should you wish to discuss your condition I would be happy to in areas far more suitable and private than here. If not, I understand perfectly. I would never wish to be a bother. |