Galm Fae
Guardian Solutions
DARKSTAR ARMY
97
   |
Posted - 2013.09.10 04:25:00 -
[1] - Quote
Well said. This constant combat is trying, but I am getting better at riding out the rough patches in my life. Frentix helps. Like, a lot. Occasionally I feel myself ungluing, but I always bounce back for the most part. The real problem for me is coping with what I came close to becoming. When not properly calibrated our implants can do a number on us. The implants I started out with were prone to fits where they would randomly trigger rapid onset neural decay and dementia.
Everyone else in my unit could see what was happening but me. I was losing my mind and no one said a damn word.
Even after that experience I still encounter a few issues. It is almost like bits of me got... I don't know, corrupted. Out of no where I will become obsessed, though the object of my obsession always alludes me. I don't know if it is me trying to remember something important or if there is just a glitch in my memory. It eats away at you day after day after day until I eventually jump into another clone and the feeling is gone. All I can try to do is ride out the storm and hold back the tide of psychosis.
I'm not familiar with the Black though, and it makes me worried. A good friend of mine became a capsuleer. He was probably the most brilliant and kind person I had ever me. That said, I hate to think what he could be capable of without that compassion. |
Galm Fae
Guardian Solutions
DARKSTAR ARMY
97
|
Posted - 2013.09.11 01:18:00 -
[2] - Quote
Yun Hee Ryeon wrote:
Unsettling details, Fae-haan. Perhaps things will settle out in time. In the meantime, it may be advisable to keep a journal, or otherwise track your state of mind.
It should not be too surprising that the complete replacement of certain portions of the brain with cybernetics should take a few sessions of debugging, of course, as cringe-worthy as the very concept may be.
It isn't so much the thought of painstakingly debugging a cybernetic implant that I hardly understand that makes me cringe as much as the thought of keeping some type of journal. Perhaps any internal struggles I face could help other mercenaries in the future, but I am always unnerved by the thought of being labeled as insane. Not only does it make me the very sterotype of immortals so many fight to undo, what if it compromises my profession? Being a mercenary is all I really have left. If someone decides that I am no longer fit for service or thinks I am some kind of danger, who will hire me?
I am afraid. This is beyond juvenile neuroticism or eccentric caricatures, and it worries me what people would think if I shared what I go through.
Quote:Even theoretically civilized capsuleers allied to an empire, however, will commonly crack occupied habitats in hopes of finding even a few valuables within. If your friend would hesitate to dig up an anthill on the suspicion that it contained an antique coin, you may not have very much to worry about. Otherwise ... it is not a path I would recommend to anyone who desired to remain a functioning part of the human race.
That is just it. He served with me in the Dragonaurs. When we were teenagers he kept both of us in check. He was coolheaded and confident. Patriotic, coolheaded, and confident are all traits Heth had when he rose to power, which to me is a warning enough what my friend has the potental to become. |