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Lynch Boletarias
The Phoenix Federation
1
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Posted - 2013.08.06 06:28:00 -
[1] - Quote
Brothers and sisters, i lay here and stare at the market screens. Advertising new suits, new weapons, more tools to bring death. Death. The reason im not asleep right now. I see my death over and over again every time i close my eyes. Tell me i am not alone, tell me it gets better with time. Even if it doesnt, brothers and sisters, tell me it will end. |
Galm Fae
Guardian Solutions
34
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Posted - 2013.08.06 06:44:00 -
[2] - Quote
Don't worry. In time the dread turns into dry wit and stoicism. For now, flip on some cartoons. Maybe grab a carton of ice cream if you have any. I have learned that without breaks this job can become unbearable. If you have any time in your future after a contract, us the ISK to enjoy a nice vacation rather than spending it on tools of destruction. |
exolden shadovar
Iron Havok
14
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Posted - 2013.08.06 15:32:00 -
[3] - Quote
Never had that problem...then again I'm also kinduve insane from still using first gen implants and massive amounts of frentix |
Yun Hee Ryeon
Dead Six Initiative
Lokun Listamenn
170
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Posted - 2013.08.07 00:03:00 -
[4] - Quote
Lynch Boletarias wrote:Brothers and sisters, i lay here and stare at the market screens. Advertising new suits, new weapons, more tools to bring death. Death. The reason im not asleep right now. I see my death over and over again every time i close my eyes. Tell me i am not alone, tell me it gets better with time. Even if it doesnt, brothers and sisters, tell me it will end.
I ... suppose I'd say that you sort of grow accustomed to it. In time, the dying is the least of it; it gets to be utterly routine. It's gotten to the point where I will willingly die to ensure that a null cannon remains under my side's control for even a few additional seconds-- after all, in that time, anything can happen.
"Death" becomes ... I guess sort of a rarified abstraction. It's something that happens to other people; for me, it's just the loss of another clone, another set of equipment. That has been my own experience, at least.
Pain, on the other hand, is a constant, and a problem. Having your intestines burned through and cauterized with a plasma rifle is one thing; wound shock takes care of most of that. For the most part, I can accept that as a part of my place in the world and bear up.
That's at the low end, sadly. Being gut-shot with a 'Toxin' SMG or receiving that same wound from a 'Toxin' assault rifle's impurity-laden plasma is another matter entirely. Drop uplinks are a plague and I wish to the gods (even the Amarrian God, since it's his people who make the blasted things) that they'd upgrade the technology or at least modify me so that I can't feel my clone getting rendered nonviable on the cellular level.
Fortunately, we don't usually feel pain in our dreams, and memory seems to shun it, as well. |
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