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JDEZ09
Dark Side Alliance
3
   |
Posted - 2013.06.09 10:39:00 -
[1] - Quote
The following is an excerpt from the introduction.
- Here, we join in right after the mercenary Jacob "JDEZ" Hernandez is appointed director of ground operations, after a meeting with his executor (CEO Codename: Ratix) - This is the daily grind
------- Location: Amarr territory / ship: "Destroyer"
The female voice echoes from the intercoms throughout the corridor.
Automation: "incoming friendly warship, docking in 10 seconds."
JDEZ: "Ah, nice, he is here."
RATIX: "Must have just came back from an assignment, he is also going to be a force to be reckoned with. Here he is now."
- The doors open, emitting a light hydraulic mist as the soldier steps into the conference room
Hecx: "What up fellas, heard there was a party goin on hyere."
RATIX: "Hehehe.. You're late!"
Hecx: "Well you know, the galaxy aint gonna conquer itself."
JDEZ: "There will be more of us soon, lets get started on this next assignment. Hecx, come with me, we got another one sooner than you think."
-scene fade-
-new scene- aboard the bridge of the destroyer.
FITZGERALD: "Well if it isn't the fastest AMARR Assault troop in this sector of hell."
JDEZ: "FITZ, glad to see you behind the flight controls, that woozy we got out of last time was one hell of a fight."
FITZ: "Yea, but this times different."
JDEZ: "Much different."
Hecx: "This time we got the whole crew, just like old times."
Automation: "We have confirmed that the Caldari are present in district 9"
FITZ: "District 9? I thought that place got purged already."
Hecx: "The caldari have immortals now as well, I'm sure that they are all over that place."
JDEZ: "Only one way to find out."
FITZ: "Thinkin the same thing." - Fitzgerald says as he changes the navigation control system.
FITZ: "We're going straight for them, they cannot take control of those planetary null cannons in that region. It'll tear us to shreds."
- The overhead intercom interrupts-
RATIX: "Well then we better get moving, prepare war now soldiers." - The mercenaries begin to fit their dropsuits, holographic interfaces surround each soldier. Hecx is seen placing the finishing touches on his logistics support kit.
JDEZ: "When many are absent, the few that remain must become invincible, therefore men take these."
- JDEZ opens up a corridor to a small arms room. Placed on every wall are thousands of drastically modified Gallente Assault rifle variants of all types.
JDEZ: " The latest weaponry has been recently upgrated, my current research has led me to plasma round enhancements. These new prototypes encase field stabilized FEJ (Full Electron Jacket) rounds. The fabricated carbon Nano sphere deposition to the surfaces of the rifle make the material 1000 times stronger than diamond, while simultaneously providing a band gap structure that prevents electron excitation, and therefore; you have a weapon that never overheats, and won't melt from the temperature of the rounds. They are now running at 1898 Kelvin. A formidable weapon, derived from primitive design."
- JDEZ grabs a couple of rifles and hands them to the high ranking assault operatives throughout warbarge.
nearby, one of the upcoming DSA mercenaries holds the weapon for the first time.
Muncher: "Can I get it with a scope?" - codename muncher aims the weapon at the approaching planet through the spaceship window screen.
JDEZ: "Try the tactical variant brother, since the rate of fire is dispersed, the magnetron kinetics in the weapon will fire the round much faster. Great for midrange support."
Muncher: "Tight, much more improved than the Gek. I see it's all black now."
JDEZ: "More stealthy for our prototype dropsuits."
Hecx: "Now this is what I'm talkin about!"
FITZ: "Well here we are, nuff chit chattin gentlemen. It's time to murk some Caldari."
Muncher: "Time to test this badboy out. You know, I might be able to help yall out in your R & D."
JDEZ: "Show me that you can make 100 complex damage mods in a week, & then maybe ill see what I can do."
Muncher: "I hear you use something other than gold for the lithographic process for the circuitry on your prototypes."
JDEZ: "Yea it's better and cheaper, the tactical rifle really benefits from it the most."
FITZ: "Damn JDEZ, might have to run a couple of those with yall down there. Anyways were about to dock now soldiers."
- The MCC warps into the atmosphere of the planet. Dust particles fly past the windows as the command center engages the killzone.
Ratix: "Execute scalar EMP pulse."
FITZ: "On it" - Fitzgerald pulls a move out of his sleeve and sends a scalar EMP blast that temporarily knocks out the enemy null cannons on the surface below. Loud electronic sounds soon fade out as the MCC is unscathed by the shockwave, allowing Amarr troops to deploy from the command ship.
On the ground a CRU self assembles a mercenary atom by atom.
Hecx: "I'm going to head out towards designation alpha." - hecx states as he calls in a light attack vehicle.
JDEZ: " We're dropping in with you." - JDEZ and muncher leap out of the opening at the deployment bay in the MCC with a synchronized fashion. As they plunge toward the earth, they activate their inertia dampeners. This speeds up their acceleration towards the ground, and a magnetic boom sounds as both soldiers smash into the ground without a scratch on their dropsuits.
- meanwhile, hecx engages his LAV motor. The mechanical whir of the machine rattles the ground as it passes by nearby friendlies and parks in front of JDEZ and Muncher.
Hecx: "Hop in."
The two soldiers jump on board. JDEZ with his plasma rifle in hand sits in the passengers seat, while muncher places his rifle on the magnetic rifle slot by the rear turret. As he mounts the turret, he adjusts the focal lens on the particle blaster. He steadies the aim as hecx advances toward the objective...
- to be continued by the members of the Dark Side Alliance -
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JDEZ09
Dark Side Alliance
3
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Posted - 2013.06.09 11:25:00 -
[2] - Quote
DUST 514 is about you're story in all of this. Experiences in Dust will be reiterated throughout the chronicles. This way those who aren't present for some matches might get the chance to read up on how things are going on the ground. On the corp website a lot of times things are mentioned about certain matches that are memorable. I call them merc moments. What you are about to read in the upcoming edits to this chronicle are based completely on real events in New Eden. From the clutch domination matches to the faction warfare modes, palm sweating one on ones to dropship battles, each match has the potential for a story, you're story. Dust never stays boring. |
hecx
Dark Side Alliance
0
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Posted - 2013.06.11 19:40:00 -
[3] - Quote
This is GREAT and not just because I'm in it ... or iz it!! |
Rinas Rylos
Rinas' Raiders
26
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Posted - 2013.06.13 00:20:00 -
[4] - Quote
Not bad. Kinda felt like I was reading the script for a show or something along those lines. If I had to critique, I'd say you shouldn't be afraid to be a bit more descriptive, and don't forget to keep up the basics, like capitalization and punctuation. The devil is in the details, as they say, and the difference between being immersed in a story and just reading it is often the little things like grammatical errors or not fleshing out your world enough. With that said, I look forward to the next entry. |
JDEZ09
Dark Side Alliance
4
|
Posted - 2013.06.15 00:29:00 -
[5] - Quote
Rinas Rylos wrote:Not bad. Kinda felt like I was reading the script for a show or something along those lines. If I had to critique, I'd say you shouldn't be afraid to be a bit more descriptive, and don't forget to keep up the basics, like capitalization and punctuation. The devil is in the details, as they say, and the difference between being immersed in a story and just reading it is often the little things like grammatical errors or not fleshing out your world enough. With that said, I look forward to the next entry.
Thanks for the Critiques, lol This layout is a bit tricky to be consistent with while "In the zone" writing. I chose the screenplay approach because it makes the story dialogue focused. For the introduction, I wanted to build on the mercenary idea, and put it above just a regular grunt. These grunts grew up in higher tech schools than these days, and should be very wise due to their prolonged existence. So I try to bring that out here a little bit. I'll show you another example below of something similar to this.
For instance: With my character, I wanted to maintain a knowledgeable outlook. I will indeed try to get more setting descriptive as we get more into the action. I'm going for this canvas painting approach that allows a producer to follow the lines as if a movie was being prepped for shooting. (Hint: Hint: for people making an animated eve TV series *cough*)
Anyways, the characters have to stay involved throughout the chronicle so I'm going to build each persons dialogue similar to how they talk while were playing in a squad. Here is an excerpt about what I mentioned earlier.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Location: Ratix's Conference room - "R&D"
-Regarding the Classified DSA Laboratories, CEO Ratix welcomes his newly appointed Director of ground operations to speak personally on the soldiers "underground" research and development. This is unknown to the public scientific community among New Eden, and for good reason..
JDEZ: "Commander, we will have funds available for those who decide to become tank drivers and dropship pilots, as well as money for dropsuits and advanced & prototype weaponry."
RATIX: "Speaking of prototype, what's the status of the new rifle design. The AMARR headquarters has been very secretive with information on those scrambler rifles."
JDEZ: "I managed to contact one of my colleagues from the nano/picotechnology arsenal R&D department. After reverse engineering their prototype gear, I've managed to re-engineer the weapon. I noticed that the charge on the rifles would substantially increase its thermal signature, damn near to the brink of backlash. I have improved the design, and added a magnetronic centrifugal repetitive epitaxy ion discharger. This will allow a fully automatic variant, with damage statistics rivaling that of Duvalle industries. There may be a way to improve upon its damage capabilities even further, but it will cost quite a bit for the materials for each weapon. It will utilize a more simplified damage equalizer from our laser rifle tech."
RATIX: "This indeed sounds quite formidable, I want only the best for this corporation."
JDEZ: "It will be as you say executor."
RATIX: "Soon this weapon will reap havoc among the colonies, however, we shall have it first. In the meantime, see to it that the Gallente assault rifles are better than they make them."
JDEZ: "It has already been done.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- excerpt ended------------
--- The updated patches to the game, as well as new weapons and suit variants call for much deeper eplination as to how these things came to be. When the chromosome weaponry skill was placed on all weapons this build, I expounded on that. When the scrambler rifles were released, I wanted to provide a cool way to place our preliminary R&D in that history. It only will get better as the game ages. It's an actual Nanotechnician/gamers approach to the lore side of eve when dealing with my character, and it will vary depending on each corp member introduced thrououht the chronicles. Stay tuned!!
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JDEZ09
Dark Side Alliance
5
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Posted - 2013.08.31 15:47:00 -
[6] - Quote
Think its about time to post some more chronicle action!! I will be posting more in the dust fiction section very soon.. look out for chapters 2 and 3 coming soon. |
JDEZ09
Dark Side Alliance
6
|
Posted - 2013.08.31 20:53:00 -
[7] - Quote
New segments are now posted in the Dust fiction section of the forums, please feel free to stop by and check out the latest from the DSA. Have a good day everybody! |
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