Foley Jones
Huogikku Corporation
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
896
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Posted - 2015.12.11 03:31:00 -
[1] - Quote
((EVE Post))
The video opens with Foley walking on screen wearing a combat dropsuit..with a business suit over it. The Background seems to be inside the lobby of Huogikku Corporation's headquarters, seems to be very neat, has a modern Caldari design of it, has a fountain built in behind the elevators and several statues of what seems to be be of past CEOs of Ishukone scattered around the lobby
"Hi Foley Jones here! And Let me say it brings me much joy to finally be able to release information on our newest project!" the screen fades to a empty white room and Foley walks back on screen, this time wearing the robes of a Amarr bishop "Before you ask, i totally did not steal theses...I borrowed them...Without the owner knowing.....But anyway! i would like to introduce you all with the first item on the list" Foley then walks to the left with the camera following behind him, the two stop in front of a table with a rectangular device that is as long as your forearm. Foley Picks up the device and shows it to the camera, its body is made of sleek steel with some sort of relay in the middle of it "This is the "S4N-R3..or "Snare" If you will and this device has a simple, but useful function, this device works much like a Stasis webifer that Capsuleers would use to be assholes to each other..except this would be used against infantry! let me show you...."
Foley places the device on the ground and walks towards the background and accidentally bumps into the wall, he mutters a few swear words before turning around..he then rolls up the right sleeve of the robes to use the wrist computer on his suit. A statistic pale sphere appears around the device that covers about 4-5 yards, the camera then zooms back onto Foley "This is what it does...It makes a big dumb bubble..Ok it does more" Foley is handed a apple, he shows it too the camera and tosses it into the bubble, the apple slowly moves though the bubble, slowly descending to the floor the "snare" creates a sphere in a 5 yard radius around the device that slows down momentum of any and all matter that enters its field.
"Whats military does this have? say you need to lock down a chock point, or set up the perfect ambush or need to set up non-lethal traps..this is were the "Snare" can be useful, the "Snare" is remote operated, simply place it and wait for unsuspecting enemies to cross by then flip the switch and slow them down to launch the perfect ambush, were they are slower to react, shoot, or run for cover...Easy targets...Sure, you could us explosives..But this could be used as a alternative to prevent unnecessary damage"
the Camera zoomes out to shows in light scout drop suits about 30 yards away from the "Snare". A alarm is sounded and the three dusters begin a mad dash towards the trap, they clear 20 yards in about 4 seconds and as soon as they enter the sphere there is a sudden difference in the speed of the Dusters, to show that the camera is not in slow motion mode, Foley begins to walk around the sphere while playing a tuba becasue **** why not? It takes the Dusters 5 seconds to run straight though the bubble. Foley tosses the Tuba to the side and fixes himself up
"I'm sorry did i just blow your ******* mind? really sorry there, but you just witnessed theses three dusters clear 20 yards in 4 seconds, but it takes them 5 seconds just to clear 10 yards within the bubble. Now imagine with ******* machine guns zeroed in on them and snipers looking to pop them in the ******* head! Easy pickings man...Now i think i showed you enough of how it works, lets talk about some boring as **** details!"
Video cuts to Foley kicking the doors in to Huogikku Corporation lab with the camera in front of him, Foley followers after the camera while showing off the lab and how everyone is working on various things like Blenders, Hover cycles and chainsaws "The "Snare" comes in several Versions..We showed you the basic version of it but there is also a proximity version that will fire up the trap own its own, sadly this variant has a shorter life span as half the power is being used to operate the device's sensors and there is no way to turn it off." As he is walking he causally takes a coffee mug and doughnut from a scientist he passes, he tastes the coffee only to then spit it out "Wow what the **** is this? cappuccino?" he shrugs and tosses the mug behind him, and begins to nom on the doughnut while he grabs a veil of some..Green liquid, he tastes it and gives the expression of 'this is not bad at all' and down sit all...a nearby scientist has a blank expression when observing this "Now don't ask me how this **** works exactly..has to do with..gravity and..force and ****..I just give the ideas!"
Foley then walks into another room that appears to be...a kitchen? yeah its a kitchen..He takes the bishop robes off to reveal his combat suit, he then is handed a Minmatar wrestling match that he puts on over his face "Now before we go to commercial break i wanna show off something small..Its called the "Tactical Napkin" and it is used when you have filth you need to remove with precision and skill, the "Tactical Napkin" is there to do just that....Strong, reliable and easy to use! Kitchen messes are a thing of the past with the "Tactical Napkin" "
Foley then pulls out several jars of various liquids over the counter and prepares a "tactical Napkin". "This thing is strong enough to adsorb Water!' Wipes up water "Grease!" wipes up grease "Gravy!" Wipes up gravy "Blood!" Wipes up blood "And whatever the **** this is" Wipes up mystery liquid "And this son of a ***** is still ready for more cleaning..Stop buying ****** cheap napkin,s buy Huogikku Corporation "Tactical Napkins"!
"Alright, we are not done yet! But we need to take a break..We will be back later today with part two of our reveals, stay tuned!"
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