True Adamance
Praetoriani Classiarii Templares
Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris
18528
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Posted - 2015.04.27 22:26:00 -
[1] - Quote
Honestly its the same advice I give to every Dust Player trying his hand at writing lore.
Never used named character or main factions as plot points.
The simple reason is that the sheer number of titans, failed Imperial conspiracies, slaves liberated, Caldari soldiers killed, etc must honestly have depopulated half of New Eden given how many story's follow almost exactly the same plot as yours.
First'y please don't assume I am being spiteful I truly do wish to help you improve your writing. So lets muddle on shall we?
Let's consider a few plot points that you might want to consider if you plan to do revisions.
-Immortal Cloning Technology is only 3-4 years old at present time so if your character was a mercenary 50 years ago he would have been a mortal one. Thus his physical abilities must remain in line with normal humans.
- The Empress was not in power 50 years ago. At that time she was nothing but an Heir to the Royal Family and if I am not mistaken saw the rule of Heideran VII [a notable peace loving Emperor], Doriam Kador II, and the False Emperor Karsoth [a heretic whose rule was crushed seven years ago when Jamyl took the throne]. Any conspiracy 50 years in the making pre-dates Jamyl and enters the realms of Heideran VII's reign which would not have seen any such violent conspiracies as he truly was a gentle emperor who reshaped the Amarr from a violent nation into the more peaceable and moderate people who exist today.
- Contrary to popular opinion the Gallente and Minmatar aren't the close friends everyone assumes they are.
Now if I were to provide personal feed back on the piece it would be this.
- Tell us more about Drake. What he has done means nothing to me. Who he is means everything to me. Tell us, your readers, what thinks, feels, looks like, who he loves, hates, doesn't care too much about, etc.
E.g- He does not like the Amarr. Why not? Slavery? Is he aware of the nature of slavery of does he choose to be culturally blind? He loves his wife? Does he have kids? Are they his motivation?
- Consider a more moderate revision of your plot. Currently it exceeds the bounds of reasonable doubt and sounds ridiculous [pardon the frankness]. It occurs to me that most writers need to see past their personal vanity and look at making a reasonable and interesting character.
Tone down your plot if you can. New Eden is about the subtleties of politics and places between the black and white, for your character to be interesting he does not have to foil some intergalactic conspiracy [trying to claim such around EVE RPers will get you ignored or worse laughed at] but instead achieve something small that has meaning readers can understand with little trouble.
- In extension of the previous point refine your character so that you have a clear idea of who they are. But please for the love of god do not shoe horn him into a comic book-esque snarky **** who has mastered everything there is to know. These are not relate-able characters people come to like without subtle undertones and themes conveyed through setting and imagery.
A character who has no room for development and is flawless is boring to read so keep in mind to write for your readers not just yourself.
TL;DR
- Cloning Tech is only 3-4 years old
- The Empress wasn't the Empress until 7 years ago and the Emperor ruling 50 years prior was not a hostile character.
- Minmatar and Gallente aren't exactly friends
- Explain who Drake is to us. E.G - His personality
- If you revise your plot try to tone down the scale of the narrative. It's too big and too unbelievable.
- If you develop Drake make him human and unique. Not a stereotypical action hero.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
"MIN MAXING! MIN MAXING! I'M BETTER AT IT THAN YOU!"
- Mobius Wyvern
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