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Breakin Stuff
Goonfeet
Special Planetary Emergency Response Group
2394
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Posted - 2014.08.29 20:30:00 -
[1] - Quote
Tectonic Fusion wrote:I'm amazing at infantry play (Scout, assault, commando, logistics, and sentinel) but I really suck at tanking. I'm a great LAV driver, but I also really suck at flying dropships. Why am I cursed with this?
There is a simple solution to your problem. It's viewpoint. You're trying to be a GOOD driver! This is where you have gone completely wrong! You need to look at the correct applications for each vehicle:
Dropships: The entire purpose of a dropship is to crash in a fiery ball of doom as soon as you grow bored with it and decide "Hey, that spot on the ground looks nice! I should go hack/kill/snipe there!" You simply hop out, activate your inertial dampener and land on the poor slobs you were intending to give a close-range Knife Greeting. We shall call it a "Celebratory Stabbing." Disclaimer: The management is not reaponsible for death and dismemberment claims resulting from attempted celebratory stabbings. Your Insurance policy does not cover battlefield theatrics.
LAVs: LAVs are nicknamed Suicide sleds for a reason. Their entire function is to roll around the battlefield at idiotic speeds, driving over the occasional pedestrian and as a distraction when you jump out to engage that tank at Danger-Stupid ranges. If you're REALLY slick he won't realize you're not actually jumping into the turret until it's too late. I give the LAVs a rating of "Stupid fun." Disclaimer: If you find LAVs fun, you're probably stupid. Or suicidal. I'm both.
ADS: As an ADS pilot your purpose in life is "Flying distraction." Due to the fact that every idiot and his brother will stop doing IMPORTANT THINGS (like the laundry, shooting at the red dots around them and getting laid) just for the opportunity to make you die in a ball of fire. Disclaimer: Yes, the neckbeards in DUST 514 will turn down sex just to smash your stupid ADS.
HAVs: And last byt not least we have Tanks: The Fun Bus. They exist solely to provide the illusion of safety and invulnerability Survivability in a so-called "Party tank" seems to be more a function directly proportionate to how drunk/stoned you are. Sober people tend to explode more. But the Tanks provide the 420 crowda meaningful method of contributing to the battle while they toke and booze up. Disclaimer: Drinking and toking does not actually increase your survivability in tanks, it merely enhances the hilarity of your stupid errors.
See? There you go. The Goon Guide to the proper mindset for driving vehicles. Once you have mastered this mindset and treat everything you own as an opportunity for hilarious loss you will find yourself getting good, or laughing and not giving a sh*t.
Thank You. |
Breakin Stuff
Goonfeet
Special Planetary Emergency Response Group
2394
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Posted - 2014.08.29 20:31:00 -
[2] - Quote
gustavo acosta wrote:"You can't be good at everything, but you should be proud because not everyone can do the same things you do,"
-Adolf H i t l e r
Diclaimer: Godwin's Law does not signify the death of a thread in the DUST 514 Forum:
Illegal practices of threadomancy have been perfected here. |
Breakin Stuff
Goonfeet
Special Planetary Emergency Response Group
2399
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Posted - 2014.08.29 21:34:00 -
[3] - Quote
No no no, I am EXPERT!
I kill more vehicles, turrets and the idjits manning them than I kill idiots in dropsuits! hell I'm more likely to kill an ADS than a three day old newbie fitted in an STD Amarr Commando with a pair of basic flaylocks!
THIS MEANS I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
It's all mindset and trying to be GOOD is detrimental! I was trying to have a laugh and be a suicidal lemming and suddenly discovered that making dropships crash and vaporizing tanks was just... FUN!
But the roles I have listed are the best possible roles you can fill when driving. Remember, when you Drive in DUST, doing it sober only leads to disappointment. Do it drunk for maximum hilarity! I mean watching yourself do a death spiral while tipsy never gets old. In fact it's mEsMeRiZiNg!
So remember when considering vehicles, friends don't let friends scout, and if you're not laughing your ass of YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!
The bumper is still the primary weapon of the LAV. The secondary weapon is the six REs strapped to said bumper. |
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