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SIN Sleeth
ValhallaCorp
0
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Posted - 2014.01.29 07:10:00 -
[1] - Quote
-This is a short note, just something to remind everyone of when it comes to lore. More of the true aspect of what your clone could have been. Almost everyone has a sob story about they're whole family dying probably but here is something different. If there is something you'd like me to note on I'd be glad to spend some time thinking about it and bring it up for you.
The question remains simply, of what a clone leaves behind on his road down the path of a warrior. What they had become, or what they had transformed from. Who they left behind, a legacy, life, or dream. Where they had come from, or if they had a family at any point. If they had someone to send ISK too back home...
I sat at my office, chatting through the communication systems. He was twenty already, my son. When you die, it takes away your sense of time. Even if you know you've been out there for days, you sit down, and look at the little boy you left behind. I still remember the day I left, and the hard truth I had to tell him.
"Daddy, why do you have to go to war?"
"To keep you and mommy safe. You don't want bad guys here right?"
"No."
"Didn't think so."
"What if you die?"
I stopped, I had never lied to my son, not once. No little kiddie dreams, no false gods, and today I had to be truthful too. I kneeled down, and looked him in the face. Those large questionable eyes ate into my soul, and broke me with my words. "I won't die. None of us die."
He was sent to an academy, I didn't want him to know about the clones, or the war. A nice private school was all he needed. No social networking beyond talking to me. I never took my armor off during a call, he couldn't see what I was. Today, fifteen years from my leaving I was asked again in our chat.
"Dad... What if you die?"
Again, I stopped, and slowly reached up to grab my visor. Removing it, showing him what used to be his father. What used to be his dad. What was now a soldier. "Sometimes..." I began, looking at those eyes, as wide as the last time he'd asked. The awe that consumed him, the fear, the shock. "Sometimes I wish I could, but none of us son, none of us die."
I am a shadow to the gates of Valhalla. In the mist I shimmer, the light I fade.
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Denak Kalamari
Intaki Liberation Front Intaki Prosperity Initiative
942
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Posted - 2014.01.29 07:55:00 -
[2] - Quote
It's a good story, and definitely with a unique approach. Just as a small notification, which many can get wrong, is that this father figure can't have been a clone soldier for no more than three years at best, and that's if you were part of the very early closed beta.
Personally, you could have him be a regular soldier until three years ago, when he became a clone soldier. Otherwise it's a good story, keep up the good work!
Grahisha of ILF // Writer of Thoughts of a Clone Soldier // Latest entry published Jan. 25th
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Captain-Awesome
Imperfects Negative-Feedback
556
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Posted - 2014.01.29 12:54:00 -
[3] - Quote
The pain of a mercenary:
Why can't I still open doors?
> Registered: March 2011
>Role: Logistics
Waiting for dust to go on PS4
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Hawk-eye Occultus
Omega Elite Mercs INC.
19
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Posted - 2014.01.29 16:35:00 -
[4] - Quote
There are many mysterious questions that plague a mercenary's life:
* What is behind the door(s) of my tiny, claustrophobic quarters?
* What did my hippocampus do?
* Why can't I see my legs when I look down?
* Why is there blood on all the walls?
* Why do I keep hearing about Quafe+ in my sleep?
All these questions and more shall torment my small existence for an eternity...
Intelligence without ambition; is a bird without wings...
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SIN Sleeth
ValhallaCorp
1
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Posted - 2014.01.29 17:26:00 -
[5] - Quote
Denak Kalamari wrote:It's a good story, and definitely with a unique approach. Just as a small notification, which many can get wrong, is that this father figure can't have been a clone soldier for no more than three years at best, and that's if you were part of the very early closed beta.
Personally, you could have him be a regular soldier until three years ago, when he became a clone soldier. Otherwise it's a good story, keep up the good work!
It's an underlying note to be so far ahead. I know, the clones haven't been around that long. It's showing that the war will never end.
I am a shadow to the gates of Valhalla. In the mist I shimmer, the light I fade.
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sir ravenwing
BurgezzE.T.F Public Disorder.
36
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Posted - 2014.01.29 17:49:00 -
[6] - Quote
Great story and about the "most everyone has a sob story about their whole family dying" my character has only lost his brother My character too has a similar story which shall probally never be revealed, that's probally why I like it so much More..... [:D]
Author of A Raven's Call/ we fight for nothing but the almighty ISK- Sir Ravenwing
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SIN Sleeth
ValhallaCorp
1
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Posted - 2014.01.29 18:55:00 -
[7] - Quote
sir ravenwing wrote:Great story and about the "most everyone has a sob story about their whole family dying" my character has only lost his brother My character too has a similar story which shall probally never be revealed, that's probally why I like it so much More..... [:D]
The dying sibling is just as common as the orphan side story. (No offense intended.)
I am a shadow to the gates of Valhalla. In the mist I shimmer, the light I fade.
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Denak Kalamari
Intaki Liberation Front Intaki Prosperity Initiative
949
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Posted - 2014.01.29 19:06:00 -
[8] - Quote
SIN Sleeth wrote:sir ravenwing wrote:Great story and about the "most everyone has a sob story about their whole family dying" my character has only lost his brother My character too has a similar story which shall probally never be revealed, that's probally why I like it so much More..... [:D] The dying sibling is just as common as the orphan side story. (No offense intended.) Generally, the whole: "I lost my sibling/parents/significant other/pet dog and now hunger for revenge/redemption/salvation/lost cucumbers!" thing is overused and gotten really dull. My own character's story does not involve any death of some person important to him, but more about finding himself when he was adrift for most of his life.
But back on topic:
SIN Sleeth wrote:It's an underlying note to be so far ahead. I know, the clones haven't been around that long. It's showing that the war will never end. Point taken.
Grahisha of ILF // Writer of Thoughts of a Clone Soldier // Latest entry published Jan. 29th
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sir ravenwing
BurgezzE.T.F Public Disorder.
36
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Posted - 2014.01.29 19:18:00 -
[9] - Quote
None taken but I used Raven's brother's death as a way to connect two parts of his personality and it will join into my fiction hopefully making sense.
LOST CUCUMBERS!!!!!!lol
Author of A Raven's Call/ we fight for nothing but the almighty ISK- Sir Ravenwing
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True Adamance
Kameira Lodge Amarr Empire
6344
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Posted - 2014.01.29 21:32:00 -
[10] - Quote
Denak Kalamari wrote:
The dying sibling is just as common as the orphan side story. (No offense intended.)
Generally, the whole: "I lost my sibling/parents/significant other/pet dog and now hunger for revenge/redemption/salvation/lost cucumbers!" thing is overused and gotten really dull. My own character's story does not involve any death of some person important to him, but more about finding himself when he was adrift for most of his life. .[/quote]
Hmmm yeah I suppose it is.... I wrote Trues Lore with less his fathers death in mind, that's more an after thought at the beginning of the story which sets up his character for the brutal tempering I gave him....although I understand that a death is usually a pretty bog standard and overused catalyst for action....I cannot stand to leave my characters alone and let them lead happy lives.
Leithe on the other hand.....I loaded his backstory with some grimdark ****.....
"My Faith in you is absolute; my sword is Yours, My God, and Your will guides me now and for all eternity."
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SIN Sleeth
ValhallaCorp
1
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Posted - 2014.01.29 21:33:00 -
[11] - Quote
Denak Kalamari wrote: The dying sibling is just as common as the orphan side story. (No offense intended.)
Generally, the whole: "I lost my sibling/parents/significant other/pet dog and now hunger for revenge/redemption/salvation/lost cucumbers!" thing is overused and gotten really dull. My own character's story does not involve any death of some person important to him, but more about finding himself when he was adrift for most of his life. [/quote]
Exactly, this is a small note from my own character, and something similar others may share.
I am a shadow to the gates of Valhalla. In the mist I shimmer, the light I fade.
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Hawk-eye Occultus
Omega Elite Mercs INC.
20
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Posted - 2014.01.29 21:41:00 -
[12] - Quote
sir ravenwing wrote:Great story and about the "most everyone has a sob story about their whole family dying" my character has only lost his brother
My character too has a similar story which shall probally never be revealed, that's probally why I like it so much More..... [:D]
If you aren't going to tell us the story of your dead bro, why do you keep telling us about him?
Intelligence without ambition; is a bird without wings...
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steadyhand amarr
Bragian Order Amarr Empire
2218
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Posted - 2014.01.29 22:35:00 -
[13] - Quote
meh i worked a revenge plot into mine i did the boring parents died by a bored capuslear attack where their station was attack by raiders so the cap just blew up everyone to make sure he got paid.
then worked in being saved by the sisters of eve
getting dropped off onto amarr space to live with the temple people.
then fighting on pikes landing during the early days and getting myself nearly killed in the process. and then i got a first gen implant and it all went down hill from their :P
"i dont care about you or your goals, just show me the dam isk"
winner of EU squad cup
GOGO power rangers
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True Adamance
Kameira Lodge Amarr Empire
6347
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Posted - 2014.01.29 22:39:00 -
[14] - Quote
steadyhand amarr wrote:meh i worked a revenge plot into mine i did the boring parents died by a bored capuslear attack where their station was attack by raiders so the cap just blew up everyone to make sure he got paid.
then worked in being saved by the sisters of eve
getting dropped off onto amarr space to live with the temple people.
then fighting on pikes landing during the early days and getting myself nearly killed in the process. and then i got a first gen implant and it all went down hill from their :P Admittedly I would say that's not clich+¬.....it was inevitable if you work blood raider into your plot and you aren't on their team.
"My Faith in you is absolute; my sword is Yours, My God, and Your will guides me now and for all eternity."
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sir ravenwing
BurgezzE.T.F Public Disorder.
36
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Posted - 2014.01.29 23:32:00 -
[15] - Quote
Hawk-eye Occultus wrote:sir ravenwing wrote:Great story and about the "most everyone has a sob story about their whole family dying" my character has only lost his brother
My character too has a similar story which shall probally never be revealed, that's probally why I like it so much More..... [:D] If you aren't going to tell us the story of your dead bro, why do you keep telling us about him?
I will later......
Author of A Raven's Call/ we fight for nothing but the almighty ISK- Sir Ravenwing
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steadyhand amarr
Bragian Order Amarr Empire
2221
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Posted - 2014.01.30 09:23:00 -
[16] - Quote
True Adamance wrote:steadyhand amarr wrote:meh i worked a revenge plot into mine i did the boring parents died by a bored capuslear attack where their station was attack by raiders so the cap just blew up everyone to make sure he got paid.
then worked in being saved by the sisters of eve
getting dropped off onto amarr space to live with the temple people.
then fighting on pikes landing during the early days and getting myself nearly killed in the process. and then i got a first gen implant and it all went down hill from their :P Admittedly I would say that's not clich+¬.....it was inevitable if you work blood raider into your plot and you aren't on their team.
To be honest having that as part of my backstory offers lots of options for development for example if ccp offer mixed bloodlines yoi could mix that in well as steady was to young to remeber his parerents. I think the mystery element adds a lot ccp making me templar 9 during the event also helpped even id i got into trouble for convinceing the others to commit suside during the event :-P
"i dont care about you or your goals, just show me the dam isk"
winner of EU squad cup
GOGO power rangers
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True Adamance
Kameira Lodge Amarr Empire
6395
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Posted - 2014.01.30 09:29:00 -
[17] - Quote
steadyhand amarr wrote:True Adamance wrote:steadyhand amarr wrote:meh i worked a revenge plot into mine i did the boring parents died by a bored capuslear attack where their station was attack by raiders so the cap just blew up everyone to make sure he got paid.
then worked in being saved by the sisters of eve
getting dropped off onto amarr space to live with the temple people.
then fighting on pikes landing during the early days and getting myself nearly killed in the process. and then i got a first gen implant and it all went down hill from their :P Admittedly I would say that's not clich+¬.....it was inevitable if you work blood raider into your plot and you aren't on their team. To be honest having that as part of my backstory offers lots of options for development for example if ccp offer mixed bloodlines yoi could mix that in well as steady was to young to remeber his parerents. I think the mystery element adds a lot ccp making me templar 9 during the event also helpped even id i got into trouble for convinceing the others to commit suside during the event :-P
Personally I would never tie in canon from narratives established outside of my own creative license....but hell if you want to try to be Templar 9 more power to you.
"My Faith in you is absolute; my sword is Yours, My God, and Your will guides me now and for all eternity."
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steadyhand amarr
Bragian Order Amarr Empire
2222
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Posted - 2014.01.30 11:22:00 -
[18] - Quote
I get why many would not but its a bit of a giggle and that number didnt have any center stage stuff an extra by vertue of their being 12 of them.
If templar 9 suddenly became key and massively disagreed with my character i would just drop it. But iv built stongly into my character including how he was selected and trained etc. Its also fun because i get RP noone beleaving steady just like u would in RL :-P
Im even sad enought to check that each templar went their own ways when the empress bombed the CRUs.
"i dont care about you or your goals, just show me the dam isk"
winner of EU squad cup
GOGO power rangers
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