Act One Scene One

King EVE - In envy that my Lord SOE
Should be the father to so blest a son -
PS2, who is the theme of reviewers' tongues,
Amongst a grove the very straightest plant,
Who is sweet Joystiq's minion and her pride -
Whilst I by looking on the praise of him
See riot and dishonour stain the brow
Of my young DUST 514.

Act Five Scene Two

PS2 - O, would the quarrel lay upon our heads,
And that no other game might come between our gentleman's 1v1,
But I and DUST 514! Tell me, tell me,
How showsed his tasking? Seemed it in contempt?

PS2 Bomber - No, by my soul, I never in my life
Did hear a challenge urged more modestly.
Trimmed up your praises with a princely thread,
Spoke your deservings on the forum,
Making you ever better than his praise.

PS2 - Cousin, I think thou art enamoured
On his glitches! Never did I hear
Of any game so wild at development.
But be he as he will, yet once ere night
I will embrace him with my persistent gameplay
That he shall shrink under my mechanics.

Act Three Scene Two

King EVE - I know not whether the Empress will have it so
For some displeasing balancing I have done,
That in her secret doom out of my blood
She'll breed twelve-year olds in an FPS for me.

DUST - So please your Highness, I would I could
Quit all failed patches with as clear excuse
As well as I am doubtless I can purge
Myself of many horrible reviews I am charged withal.

King EVE - Thy place in the forum thou hast rudely lost,
Which by thy CPM is supplied,
And art almost an alien to the hearts
Of all the forum warriors and slayers of my blood.
The hope and expectation of thy time
Is ruined, and the soul of every gamer
Prophetically do forethink thy fall.

Act One Scene Two

CCP - Now DUST, do I need to work on you, lad?

DUST - Thou art so fat-witted with the profits from EVE, and unbuttoning
thee during downtime, and sleeping at workstations after noon, that thou hast forgotten to balance that truly which thou wouldst truly balance. What the devil hast thou to do with balancing me? Unless patches were to garner more Aurum, expansions to sell more copies of your boardgame, and respecs the respect of reviewers, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superflous to demand I must be balanced.


Later in Act One Scene Two

DUST - I know you all, and will a while uphold
The unyoked humour of your rage threads.
Yet herein I will imitate the sun,
Who doth permit the base Locker Room bull****
To smother up his beauty from the world,
That when he please again to be himself,
Being wanted, he may be more wondered at
By breaking through the foul and ugly reviews
Of negative feedback that did seem to strangle him.
If all the year were respecs,
To gain SP would be as tedious as to work;
But when they seldom come, they wished-for come,
And nothing pleaseth but the rare accidents.
So when this loose balancing I throw off,
And pay the debt I may or may not have promised,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men's hopes.
And like an officer weapon in a pile of militia gear,
My reformation, glitt'ring o'er my bugs,
Shall show more goodly, and attract more media attention
Than that which hath no competition to set it off.
I'll so offend, to make offence a skill (514x multiplier),
Redeeming time when men think least I will.