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oldhero
Hellstorm Inc
League of Infamy
5
   |
Posted - 2013.10.21 11:56:00 -
[1] - Quote
Sver Prime once a vibrant planet full of life, now a husk of its former glory the desolate city's of the noble Sver people seem like scars reminding all who approach the planet of mans cruelty towards each other, and yet those nations who followed the Sver nobility into the battlefield stand stronger than ever determine to stop the holy army of the ancient exiles yet war is still war and sides are formed, enemy's gained and allies lost whit two major powers now at odds the side the neutral nations pick will ensure their survival or full destruction. |
oldhero
Hellstorm Inc
League of Infamy
5
|
Posted - 2013.10.21 11:58:00 -
[2] - Quote
Not my best work but then again this is new style for me....ill appreciate any helpful tips you guys can give ^_^ |
SoTa PoP
MoIden Heath PoIice Department
EoN.
3992
|
Posted - 2013.10.21 14:54:00 -
[3] - Quote
oldhero wrote:Not my best work but then again this is new style for me....ill appreciate any helpful tips you guys can give ^_^
In RP's it's always best to be as close to perfect spelling and punctuation uses as possible. This RP you wrote up sounds fine - but it comes off wrong when reading because it's 1 giant run-on sentence. I got into the habit of using - often to battle this so I could use longer sentences myself and not appear draggy.
The key to RP's is always description and selling your thoughts to others, you've a good use of adjectives to accomplish this. |
CHICAGOCUBS4EVER
MoIden Heath PoIice Department
EoN.
2070
|
Posted - 2013.10.21 17:26:00 -
[4] - Quote
SoTa PoP wrote:oldhero wrote:Not my best work but then again this is new style for me....ill appreciate any helpful tips you guys can give ^_^ In RP's it's always best to be as close to perfect spelling and punctuation uses as possible. This RP you wrote up sounds fine - but it comes off wrong when reading because it's 1 giant run-on sentence. I got into the habit of using - often to battle this so I could use longer sentences myself and not appear draggy. The key to RP's is always description and selling your thoughts to others, you've a good use of adjectives to accomplish this.
listen to the man...anyone that can convince a 17 year old Asian that he really IS Godzilla... deserves some respect ;-P |
Gods Architect
Pradox One
818
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Posted - 2013.10.21 21:28:00 -
[5] - Quote
oldhero wrote:Sver Prime once a vibrant planet full of life, now a husk of its former glory the desolate city's of the noble Sver people seem like scars reminding all who approach the planet of mans cruelty towards each other, and yet those nations who followed the Sver nobility into the battlefield stand stronger than ever determine to stop the holy army of the ancient exiles yet war is still war and sides are formed, enemy's gained and allies lost whit two major powers now at odds the side the neutral nations pick will ensure their survival or full destruction.
So OldHero how will you choose. Sver Prime is scorched with flames and fires seen from orbit. Though inside that hell of a planet light and fire other than what is seen from the planet still resides. The burning fires of resistance and the flickering light of hope still remains on that "husk." Even as we speak the SFF are still battling the Occupation Forces though it is a losing fight and they are only relics of the IMP's Occupation they fight. Even on the outer constellations Sver and PD forces are still keeping up the fight; even with UEF now backing them hope in still bright.
On the Occupation Force this war is finished. Sver Prime has fallen and at this moment closing the light of hope in darkness of despair. The PD Alliance is only postponing the inevitable, and their defeat is all but certain. The Occupation Forces hold Sver Prime as trophy and is using extremes to quell all resistance. Sver's light is beaming but its dimming by each passing day. With the UEF now fighting this is just more entrainment, a real fight has came to the table and now they can squash two major superpowers in one war.
Well you bring the fires of liberation or darkness of conquering?
Or you can choose another option, you are a merc after all. In sight of that you hold allegiance to no one but yourself and the isk. You and join the side or fight the war from the side that promises more isk. So eventually you could be able to build your own empire and rise it to a superpower. This is New Eden and the path you choose will have its rewards and consequences. Remember, its not what you did that makes you successful, it how you got there is the part we will remember. Happy hunting! |
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