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Roy Nit
Seituoda Taskforce Command Caldari State
0
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Posted - 2013.09.24 02:24:00 -
[1] - Quote
A clone wakes up after going through the excruciating pain of being revived after waking up in his merc quarters looks around to see a note on the table. The note is not very legible and is crumpled up on the table. He picks up the note to read it says " Your Name is Roy Nit you have memory loss due to each time your memory is transferred it becomes corrupted. You are a Logi and you should try to help other people. O and one more thing you can sometimes remember random facts about your past ...". Roy Nit drops the crumpled note and it falls underneath the table losing focus and suddenly remembers his family when he was younger. A small little girl who died because he could not protect her from drug dealers for compensation because his father did not pay up from his recent debts. He smiles looking at the positives of life. Not that it is a good day to be alive but the fact that since he cant remember the feeling towards the little girl that he is not sad. He smirks saying i hope i could kill those drug dealers one day then walks over to his public contracts finder to find a battle then dies again to be spawned in another battle with the intercom telling who he is and what he does. |
Denak Kalamari
Intaki Liberation Front Intaki Prosperity Initiative
476
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Posted - 2013.09.24 03:49:00 -
[2] - Quote
Roy Nit wrote:A clone wakes up after going through the excruciating pain of being revived after waking up in his merc quarters looks around to see a note on the table. The note is not very legible and is crumpled up on the table. He picks up the note to read it says " Your Name is Roy Nit you have memory loss due to each time your memory is transferred it becomes corrupted. You are a Logi and you should try to help other people. O and one more thing you can sometimes remember random facts about your past ...". Roy Nit drops the crumpled note and it falls underneath the table losing focus and suddenly remembers his family when he was younger. A small little girl who died because he could not protect her from drug dealers for compensation because his father did not pay up from his recent debts. He smiles looking at the positives of life. Not that it is a good day to be alive but the fact that since he cant remember the feeling towards the little girl that he is not sad. He smirks saying i hope i could kill those drug dealers one day then walks over to his public contracts finder to find a battle then dies again to be spawned in another battle with the intercom telling who he is and what he does. This fits more in the DUST 514 Fiction section, but I'll have to stop you before you continue further.
First of all, you really need to look up proper roleplaying etiquette(This is a good one, and so is this.n your actions in the Second Hex Club were borderline powerplaying.
And your writing itself is hard to read. You barely use any periods, commas or paragraphs, your writing is just one block of text. And finally, your story isn't really particularly interesting and a little questionable in terms of lore. We barely know the character, why should we care about some random thing he did in the best? |
Yun Hee Ryeon
Dead Six Initiative Lokun Listamenn
272
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Posted - 2013.09.24 03:57:00 -
[3] - Quote
(Mods, please move topic instead of deleting OOC posts)
There's a certain category of "nifty" character trait that ends up being a real problem for roleplay.
This is a very interesting character concept ... which is also horrendously limiting unless you make fixing it your very first "story" priority.
A clone soldier who suffers permanent global amnesia every time he dies is, very simply, not going to be worth getting to know in any meaningful way because everybody concerned has to start again from scratch pretty near every time you go into a match.
This seems like something that could become an interesting part of a character background, and amnesia of some sort works better with clone soldiers than with most character types, but you probably want to move on from it as fast as your narrative legs can carry you. |
Galm Fae
Guardian Solutions DARKSTAR ARMY
105
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Posted - 2013.09.24 04:44:00 -
[4] - Quote
Roy Nit wrote:A clone wakes up after going through the excruciating pain of being revived after waking up in his merc quarters looks around to see a note on the table. The note is not very legible and is crumpled up on the table. He picks up the note to read it says " Your Name is Roy Nit you have memory loss due to each time your memory is transferred it becomes corrupted. You are a Logi and you should try to help other people. O and one more thing you can sometimes remember random facts about your past ...". Roy Nit drops the crumpled note and it falls underneath the table losing focus Only for him to one day find thousands of crumpled notes hidden underneath his table. DUN DUN DUNNNN! TWIST ENDING! |
Roy Nit
Seituoda Taskforce Command Caldari State
0
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Posted - 2013.09.25 00:17:00 -
[5] - Quote
Thanks for the info and stuff |
Yun Hee Ryeon
Dead Six Initiative Lokun Listamenn
278
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Posted - 2013.09.25 00:52:00 -
[6] - Quote
Roy Nit wrote:Thanks for the info and stuff Our pleasure. I'm sorry if we came off a little brusque; we get ... a few trolls. Feel free to send me a note if you'd like to discuss the info and stuff. |
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