| Pages: [1] :: one page |
|
|
| Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 0 post(s) |
Bartimaeus of Achura
Cassardis
26
   |
Posted - 2013.09.17 03:13:00 -
[1] - Quote
Intro: Here I will tell the story's of cassardis and what happened to make it where it is today. ( where ever that might be ) Although I am not good at writing I will try my hardest to make these story's as readable and entertaining as possible. The information you see here is the accounts of actual story's that define cassardis and without them it would be extremely dull in our corporation.
this is the story of when the Aztech corporation merged with cassardis. this story covers the all relevant information within the past several months that concerns the actual merge.
The Aztechs merger:
I met up with aquillus san gimangio ( if I spelled that right ) a while back in the local chat. we first started talking about the idea of jets in dust 514, after a while we extended this friendship to us starting a squad together. after several days of playing together the thought came to my mind that I should invite him into my dead corporation. But upon offering this to him Aquillus told me about his position in his corporation. He was one of the three active directors of the dying Aztech's The Ceo being inactive for so long that he was negotiating with the other directors to start there own corporation. I managed to convince him that it would be more profitable for him to join Cassardis. What we decided on doing was transferring the leadership of the Aztechs and there three other directors to mine. Later that next day the people Angreval, Bormer1r, Glaxis dunzaf, And aquillus san Gimangio was brought into cassardis with full director rights along with 90 million isk. This eventually led to the revival of Cassardis but my interest in cassardis as well. Not that long after the merge we received word from the ceo of the aztechs. Viral Entity, the inactive Ceo had come back, and although I do not know for how long me and my six directors had to decide what to do although he posed no threat he came with the demand that we return twenty three million isk to him. This proposition would usualy be unanimous In any corporation but Bormer1r had called a emergency meeting with our directors. The vote was whether we should give him his money back along with full director status within our corporation. We voted 1 vote for giving him his money and 5 for keeping it within our corporation. But after this vote we had to decide whether we should accept him in our corporation. We ended up deciding that we would give him voting rights within the director meetings, but not director ship. I was decided to tell him about our offer, he did not accept.
Thank you for taking the time to read this although I know I am not very good when it comes to writing I attempted to recount the events as accurately and as eligibly as possible. I ask that you post criticisms comments and requests without holding anything back. Also if I receive enough positive feedback I will continue to write about things that I believe to be interesting that go on in our corporation
Bartimaeus of Achura
Ceo and founder of cassardis industry's
remember Ne Agito Oppeto |
Bartimaeus of Achura
Cassardis
27
|
Posted - 2013.09.17 19:42:00 -
[2] - Quote
105 views and no one leaves a comment I know I write bad but come on. lol |
Denak Kalamari
Intaki Liberation Front
Intaki Prosperity Initiative
457
|
Posted - 2013.09.17 20:05:00 -
[3] - Quote
Well, the grammar and writing in itself is quite good, at least there aren't any blatant mistakes, you could add a few paragraphs to that though.
But honestly, in my opinion, your story is boring. Corporation merging isn't really an interesting topic, and you don't really make a good story by trying to replicate things that happened to you with 100% accuracy. They can be an inspirational source like in my blog, sure, but trying to mimic it isn't usually a good idea. And honestly, this isn't a story, or even fiction, it's just a boring document of a corporation merge.
What I'd suggest for improvement is abandoning the document viewpoint and focusing more on writing an actual story with a plot, characters and interactions between these characters etc. etc. Come up with your own characters with their own ideals, faiths and agendas, write a piece of fiction. Try reading Evelopedia or the chronicles some time, they're a great tool for knowing more about the New Eden universe. |
Bartimaeus of Achura
Cassardis
27
|
Posted - 2013.09.17 20:10:00 -
[4] - Quote
Denak Kalamari wrote:Well, the grammar and writing in itself is quite good, at least there aren't any blatant mistakes, you could add a few paragraphs to that though.
But honestly, in my opinion, your story is boring. Corporation merging isn't really an interesting topic, and you don't really make a good story by trying to replicate things that happened to you with 100% accuracy. They can be an inspirational source like in my blog, sure, but trying to mimic it isn't usually a good idea. And honestly, this isn't a story, or even fiction, it's just a boring document of a corporation merge.
What I'd suggest for improvement is abandoning the document viewpoint and focusing more on writing an actual story with a plot, characters and interactions between these characters etc. etc. Come up with your own characters with their own ideals, faiths and agendas, write a piece of fiction. Try reading Evelopedia or the chronicles some time, they're a great tool for knowing more about the New Eden universe.
Thank you for the information I guess this will stay here if some random corporation wants to do some research on us. |
|
|
| |
|
| Pages: [1] :: one page |
| First page | Previous page | Next page | Last page |