|Posted - 2017.08.29 06:49:00 -
 - Quote
Silver: In this corner, weighing in at 95 pounds soaking wet, we have Ser Neckolas.
Neck: Death to all Ni ggers!
Silver: And in this corner, weighing in at 96 pounds without his neck and an immeasurable amount with it, we have The Montagne AKA Slaylias. The fight will commence in 2 minutes. One of you may want to say your prayers and the other may want to have a moist towelette prepared to clean Neckolas' innards of his body.
DK: You really think you can beat Lord Slaylias?
Neck: Of course, I can beat anyone and I'm especially good at killing ni ggers for sport.
DK: How do you plan to do it?
Neck: I'm going to point the other way and say "Look, McDonald's" then tie a noose around his neck and trip his fa ggot-a ss and watch him lynch himself.
DK: Wouldn't there have to be something for him to hang from?
Neck: Leave the lynching to me and I'll leave the bi tching to you. Now watch me fu ck this kid up.
Silver: Fighters, to the ready. Begin.
Neck: Look, you stupid fu cking ni gger, McDonald's!
Alias decapitates Neck.
Air: Oi, is that it?
Neck: Fu ck no. I'm taking this to round 9.
Air: M8, I just saw you get wanked. Wot gives?
Neck: It's called a respawn, you uneducated monkey.
DK: Neck, why'd you get fu cked up like that?
Shep: I believe I can answer that question. I knew Neckolas would try some G AY SH IT like that, so I simply had lord Alias lobotimized so he would not be phased by such distractions. Good luck, FA GWADS.
Neck: How the fu ck was I supposed to know, he always seemed lobotomized to me.
DK: Well, what's your plan now, dipsh it.
Neck: Don't fu cking worry about it, baby-di ck. I have it under control.
Silver: Let round 2 commence.
Neck: Look, McDonald's!
Alias cuts Neck in half.
DK: What the fu ck, Neck? Are YOU lobotomized?
Neck: I had to try it again, you fu cking wi gger.
DK: Why, because it worked so well the first time?
Neck: No, maybe he didn't hear me or something the first time.
Air: Are you really going to let that big ni gga keep wanking you up like that, m8?
Neck: Shut the fu ck up. No more of this pu ssy sh it. I'm picking Ash.
Silver: Begin round 3.
Alias swings his sword and it goes right through Neck's neck.
Neck: This might be the death of you, Alias. This very well could be the fu cking end for you.
Neck buries his sword deep in Alias' Neck. So deep that it is lost.
Neck: You McDonald's eating fat fu ck.
Alias pushes Neck to the ground and neck-slams him out of existence. Until he respawns.
DK: You realize you're about to get 4-0d by a ni gger?
Neck: The only 4 I see here is your mother and the only "Oh" is the noise she's going to make when I pull her hair and fu ck her a ss.
DK: Interesting. Hard to imagine when you're not going to get to respawn after you lose one more round.
Neck: Yeah, I bet it does make you hard to imagine it.
DK: Look, if you die, I die. Luckily, I found someone who might be able to help.
Gus: Hi, guys.
Neck: Didn't this co ck-suck agree to help rig the trial against you so you could be killed?
Gus: Oh, yeah that was me, but DK promised me a three-way with The Destroyer and his foresk in if I help you guys.
Neck: So you know how to kill that fu cking porch monkey?
Gus: Uh, yeah. I know everything.
DK: So how then?
Gus: Did you try distracting him with McDonald's.
Neck: Yes, you fu cking black infant.
Gus: Well, did you try stabbing him?
Neck: Is this for guy for real?
Gus: Oh, I know. Aim for the neck!
Neck: Get the fu ck out of here.
Gus: Do I still get to eat that one guy's foresk in?
Neck: Whatever, I'll just kill this fu cking co on on my own.
Silver: Let the final round begin.
Neck: You mean the 4th round, ni gger.
Neck strafes around the map endlessly while muttering racial slurs in an attempt to tire out Alias. Eventually, Alias gets dizzy and falls over. Neck wastes no time in tying a noose around his neck.
Neck: See, I told you it would work.
DK: Now what?
Neck: Before I kill you, you dumb di ck-lick, I want you to admit that you're black and also that you're a dumb ni gger.
DK: Neck, there's still nothing for you to hang him from.
Neck: I'll just choke him with the fu cking rope, then. Sh ut your cu nt mouth. Let's hear it, Alias. You're a dumb ni gger. If you admit it, maybe I won't rope burn you very much.
DK: You're more lobotomized than him if you think he can even speak. Just kill him.
Neck: You're right, fu ck this ni gger. Let's end this once and for all.
Silver: Actually, the score is still 0-3.
Neck attempts to strangle Alias with the rope. He is unaffected but does not move.
DK: Is he dead?
Neck: No, he's fu cking AFK. Come the fu ck on, Alias. Man, where the fu ck are you? Put the Big Mac down and get your fat a ss back in the fight.
Alias: Big Mac?
Alias pulls Neck to him in an instant with the rope. He grips Neck's head like he would a Big Mac, or preferably, a double quarter-pounder. Or better yet, a triple half-pounder. Basically, he crushes Neck's head just like in the show. He utters Neck's final words for him. Or at least he paraphrases them.
Alias: Dumb ni gger.
DK: Well, fu ck.
Shep: Finally. Can I pike this FA GGOT now?
Silver: I believe watching his champion get 4-0d was enough punishment for one day. The piking will take place tomorrow.
Later that night, DK appears in Silver's chambers.
Silver: How did you escape?
DK: I let Gustavo suck on my foresk in and he let me out.
Silver: I see. I suppose you have come here to kill me.
DK: Yeah, pretty much.
Silver: Might I ask why?
DK: Well, you did rig that trial against me and sentence me to death, so I mean...
Silver: Right. Well, I guess I have just one thing to say, then.
DK: Alright, get on with it.
DK: You're right. You're just a nice guy. Catch you later, dude.
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