|Posted - 2017.05.28 05:03:00 -
 - Quote
Mozai: Vat is going on out here?
Chris: Pav, please put me out of my misery. I can't take it.
Mozai: Vith pleasure.
Mozai pulls out a pistol and shoots Chris in each of his kneecaps and then his head, killing him. Gustavo moves in on his prey.
Shep: He has a gun!
Neck: No sh it, fu ck-breath.
Shep: Put down the gun.
Mozai: OK. Just take it easy.
Neck: One of you give me your gun so I can unload it on this ni gger's kneecaps.
Pack: Ni ggas, I thought we needed to get outta here before da popo's on our ass es?
Tex: We have to deal with this first.
Neck: Just give me a gun and it'll be fu cking dealt with.
Alias: How about a guillotine?
Shep: Where are we going to get a guillotine, Alias?
Gus: This a ss is quite choice, guys. Could be a little more stale, though.
Alias: They have one in the other room
DK: How do you know that?
Alias: They used it on me.
DK: You don't look like you got hit by a guillotine.
Mozai: Ze blade bounced off and broke.
Shep: So we can't use it then, Alias.
Alias: They have another one.
DK: And how do you that?
Alias: They tried to use it on me.
DK: It bounced off?
Alias: No, my neck wouldn't fit in that one.
Shep: Why the fu ck do you have so many guillotines?
Neck: Ni ggers are too scared to keep rope around.
Gus: Mmm! Now for desert.
Tex: Someone go get the guillotine. Hey where is it?
Mozai: It's in zat torture chamber over zere.
DK: I'll grab it.
DK enters the room and screams.
DK: Guys, there's a fu cking bear trap! Help me!
Tex: We'll get you in a minute. Someone else get the guillotine.
Air: Oi, I'll do it then since all of you are bi tch-boys.
DK: They sent the gimp to help me?
Air: I came for the guillotine, m8. Not your sorry a ss.
DK: Just get something to pry the thing open. It's not that hawd.
Air: I'll do it in a bloody minute.
Destroyer wheels out the guillotine.
Shep: Well, does anyone want to pike him when we cut off his head. Gustavo?
Gus: Naw, that's still too alive for me. Maybe I'll see about the other end a little later.
Neck: I don't fu ck ni ggers. I only fu ck up ni ggers and fu cking waste ni ggers.
Shep: I guess I'll do the honors. Any last words.
Mozai: Heil Silver.
Tex: Wait, wha...
Shep releases the blade and performs the piking.
Shep: I've wanted to do that for a long time. Every time I ask a girl they say no. No idea why, that felt great.
Tex: What did he say right before he got piked?
Shep: I don't know, but I know I'll never forget the noise he made when my di ck reached what would have been the back of his throat. Lawl, laaaawl.
Neck: Did that ni gger fu cking say Silver?
Air: Oi, I think he said Wilbur.
Pack: Ni gga, we all know he ain't said Wilbur.
DK: Get me the fu ck out of this bear trap!
Alias: He definitely said Silver.
Tex: Let's get out of here. We have to tell command. Someone get DK out.
Air: Oi, hear that?
A tank and multiple squads of enemy soldiers can be seen approaching in the not-too-distant distance.
Tex: We have to go know.
DK: What about me?
Tex: Someone find something to pry the bear trap open. Fast! We have to run.
The enemies draw closer.
Tex: Wait. I recognize that soldier. He's the one who killed Kalash! Forget running. We're killing these fu ckers. We need to get in strategic positions.
A tank shell blows the building wide open.
Pack: Run, ni ggas.
Tex: Someone needs to stay and help DK.
Gus: I'll do it. I still have a whole 'nother a ss to attend to. No to mention DK will probably bleed out soon...
Tex: Sounds good.
DK: Fu ck.
Gus: Don't worry. They're going to chase after all of the guys who just went jogging away. They probably won't even check here.
DK: Just get me out of this bear trap.
Gus: Didn't you hear me before? I said I'm going to attend to this scrumptious a ss while you bleed out then I'm going to attend to yours.
DK: Hey, can you hand me my gun?
Gus: Where is it?
DK: Just there. I dropped it when I stepped in the trap.
Gus: Sure. Here you go.
Boom. Cut to Destroyer, Pack, and Tex.
Tex: OK, we need to set up this machine gun and lay down covering fire for the other guys. I saw them headed toward the bridge. Go down those stairs and cover the entrance, Destroyer. Pack, do you think you can get up high with this sniper rifle and take out some guys.
Pack: You're da mn right I can, ni gga.
Air: Oi, you're going to give the sniper rifle to Mr. hipfire-only Pack-a-punch while I do bi tch-boy work like a dumb kid?
Tex: Yeah, excuse my French, but I think you're a little more likely to sh it the bed. Plus, I've never seen shots more accurate than when Pack team-killed half of our squad on the beaches.
Air: Oi, that was point blank in the back!
Tex: Just do it Destroyer, there's no time to waste.
Destroyer gets in position downstairs and Pack finds a tower to perch himself in. Cut to Shep, Alias, and Neck.
Neck: Why the fu ck are we going so far?
Shep: I'm looking for a strategic position. You wouldn't understand.
Alias: I'm just hoping we find a McDonald's.
Neck: Why do you get to choose the position, baby-di ck?
Shep: Because two thirds of the people present have gone through the lobotomy procedure and I'm not one of them. Plus I'm the only one with a loaded rifle here.
Neck: Then give me that gun and let a real man show you how it's done.
Shep: I'll hand you a bullet write to the same place the ice pick penetrated your skull when you were a kid and rickshaw your corpse all the way to the most strategic location in this town and use it as a meat shield.
Alias: Hey, I have a gun, too.
Neck: How did you get your grubby mitts on a gun?
Alias: I keep it in the folds of my neck.
Neck: Why the fu ck didn't you get it out when you were being held hostage?
Alias: I tried. I couldn't find it until now.
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