|Posted - 2016.12.28 22:40:00 -
 - Quote
Silver: Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to the third and final presidential debate. I am once again joined by Destroyer.
Air: That's right. I'm back again, m8s.
Silver: Today we have with us not only the republican and democratic candidates, but also the libertarian candidate, Gustavo. Go ahead and introduce yourself, Gustavo.
Gus: Hi, guys.
Neck: So this baby-di ck ni gger gets to just join in on the only debate that actually matters?
Air: Oi, are you afraid of losing to a third party candidate, bi tch boy?
DK: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if this fu cking re tard Gustavo got more points than this fu cking re tard Neck.
Gus: What do you mean by points?
Neck: This qu eerbate Silver gives us points in this debate and that decides who will be president.
Gus: So you single-handedly determine the outcome of the election?
Silver: I'm not sure it should really be called an election, but yeah.
Gus: Based on what?
Gus: Who came up with the system for assigning points?
Gus: What stops you from abusing that power?
Silver: I'm a nice guy.
Gus: Oh, cool.
Neck: You aren't a nice guy. You're a baby-di ck bi tch-ni gger je w-a ss fa gwad.
Silver: PlayStation Plus.
Neck: Oh, yeah. You are a nice guy.
DK: What the fu ck are you talking about, he IS a total fa ggot.
DK: Never mind. You are a nice guy.
Air: Silver's been my m8 for a long time. I've got to agree that he's a nice guy.
Silver: Home point.
Air: I bloody forgot. Fu ck you, m8.
Silver: OK, let's hear your guys' platforms. We'll start with Gustavo since he's new here.
Gus: OK, guys, listen. I've recently been studying Japanese culture. In fact, I've lived there for the past 75 years.
DK: Wait, this weeb trash has been living in Japan since before MMG dropped the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki and he's allowed to run for president in America?
Gus: Hey, weebs are people, too.
Neck: Not really. And did you say 75 years? How fu cking old are you?
Gus: That's what I'm trying to tell you guys. I discovered the secret to immortality.
Air: And what's that, m8?
Gus: Hentai and body pillows. And nuclear radiation.
Neck: Are you fu cking serious?
Gus: Of course not. It's just nuclear radiation. The hentai and body pillows just keep you sane over the years.
Silver: So, what's your platform, exactly.
Gus: Oh, yeah. Basically, I want to minimize government interference in our lives. I will do everything in my power to stop them from taking away the hentai and body pillows we all desperately need to survive. Also, just a fair warning to everyone out there: the government is spying on you all through your smoke detectors. You should remove the batteries from all of them like I did.
Silver: OK, moving on. DK, your platform.
DK: You really aren't going to do anything about this goo k-lover running for president? This is the definition of rigged.
Silver: Actually, it's not. It could fall under the category of unlawful, maybe, but I don't discriminate.
Neck: Yeah, at least he isn't a ni gger, but he might as well be because there's no way he'll win.
DK: Whatever, I'm here to slander a different down syndrome re tard anyway. I'll pass on the platform thing. You all already know that I'm a rich white guy with big ideas and a bigger meat stick. But I do have someone here to endorse me: President Kalashnikov.
Kalash: Yeah, I guess this guy should be president.
Silver: And why do you say that?
Kalash: He bought me an ounce of weed.
Air: Oi, he bought you off with a mere ounce of the dank?
Kalash: Well, that and he promised he wouldn't tell anyone about the other 4 metric tons of weed he bought me.
DK: That was the agreement. So, as you can see, the last guy you chose to be president thinks I should be the new president.
Gus: You chose the last president? How long have you been doing this?
Silver: How old are you?
Silver: Longer than that. Now for your platform, Neck.
Neck: To present my platform for me, I've brought my husband and se x overlord with me today: former president Shepherd Grey.
Shep: This lobotomized fa gwad said he would stop letting me rail him in the a ss if didn't do this. And I can't lie; he provides the best a nal sex I've ever had.
Neck: Yeah, butt fu ck.
Shep: So here I am. He will fight for America's minorities.
Neck: Yeah, ni ggers.
Shep: And he will work to idealize Kalashnicare.
Neck: Yeah, make the healthcare system of that bi tch-ni gger who just endorsed DK even though he's a member of my party relevant.
Shep: And he's never engaged in any sort of pedophilic activities.
Neck: Yeah, I didn't know she was 12.
DK: Thanks for bringing that up for me. I brought along this 12 year-old from Neck's Skype logs. And also the fat fu cking piece of sh it greasy-a ss hacker because that's the only way the girl would agree to come.
Alias and his 1600 pound neck are hauled in by 30 men.
Neck: I thought you were done with him because he said you weren't his girlfriend, Ice.
Ice: I was, but then you hung up on us and changed his mind as long as I brought him McDonald's twice as many times per day.
DK: So you admit that this is the girl from the Skype logs?
Neck: No, I have no idea who this girl is.
Alias: This is definitely the fa ggot who was beating off to Ice over Skype.
Alias: Oh, yeah. The absolutely worthless total fa ggot who was beating off to Ice over Skype.
Alias: Oh, yeah. The absolutely worthless total fa ggot who was beating off to my girlfriend over Skype.
Ice: That's right.
Neck: He just admitted to being a pedophile. This baby-di ck fat-fu ck should be arrested.
Alias: DK's tried several times to get me sent to jail. They always let me go because I won't fit in the jail cell, let alone the police car.
Air: Can I do it this time, Silver?
Silver: Go for it.
Air: We'll be back after these bloody messages, yeah.
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