|Posted - 2016.12.03 02:58:00 -
 - Quote
Silver: And we're back. In this debate, we're going to give each candidate an opportunity to express their views on modern America's pressing issues. It's DK's turn to go first.
DK: Gentleman and ladies, let me ask you: what is the biggest problem in America today? That's right, Mexicans. Filthy spi cs. Dirty we tbacks. And I guess if you're re tarded you're now asking why they are such a big problem. Well, I'll tell you. They steal our jobs, they **** our women, and most importantly, they slow down our fu cking internet. I can't even get a quick fap off anymore without my Brazzers video buffering while they're still asking the girl her name and if this is her first time. While we're on the topic of Brazzers, let me bring up a certain candidates Skype logs which were leaked there.
Neck: Hey, I thought we were supposed to be talking about the issues. This re tarded fa ggot can't bring this stuff up.
Silver: Don't interrupt. Minus one point.
Neck: Wait, there really are points?
Silver: Yes, that's what I said before.
Neck: Why the fu ck are there points if we're trying to convince people to vote for us?
Silver: So we can determine a winner. We've been over this.
Neck: Alright, bi tch, two can play at this game.
Silver: I would hope so, otherwise this wouldn't be much of a competition. Back to you, DK.
DK: Neck, don't interrupt me again, you greaser-sympathizer.
Neck: Bi tch, I hate Mexicans as much as you. I mean, I love them, please vote for me, buddies.
Silver: Points, Neck.
Neck: I mean, ...
DK: Anyways, I have the Skype logs here. I feel it would benefit the American people to hear them now if they haven't already.
DK reads the one of the Skype logs aloud. This particular one is a video call transcribed into text.
Neck: So, can I get in that snatch or what?
Ice: Hehe, I don't know. We'll see.
Neck: Look, just tell me where you live and I can come on down and we can meet up.
Neck: Come on, I've listened to you bi tch everyday for months about how guys pretend to be nice to you online only because you're a girl and how they don't really respect you as a player.
Ice: And then they ask me to sleep with then.
Neck: Yeah, I listened to all that sh it for months. Now can I get some or what?
Ice: Aren't you kinda trying to do the same thing they all did right now?
Neck: No, baby, I've had to listen to you all this time. It's different.
Ice: I guess...
Ice: Look, I like you and all, but I have a boyfriend.
Neck: Bi tch, I been talking to you all this time and this is the first time you mention this? What the fuuuuu ck?
Ice: I didn't really think it was important...
Neck: Actually, it's not. You can still let me fu ck you.
Ice: I don't think that would be right. I'll tell you what. I'll let you beat off while I watch right now.
Neck: Yeah, that'll work for me.
Back to the debate.
DK: As you can see, gentleman and ladies, my opponent really is a sick, depraved sack of ****.
Silver: Why do you keep saying "gentleman and ladies" instead of "ladies and gentleman?"
DK: Because men are superior to women. Just like how whites are superior to every other race.
Silver: I see. Neck, would you like to respond to what has been presented.
Neck: Fu ck yeah. Look, I thought I deleted those.
Silver: That's your only defense?
Neck: Well that and what kind of guy that isn't some sort of ***** hasn't gone out of his way for some ass?
Silver: You jerked off on camera in front of a girl who had just turned you down who also had a boyfriend.
Neck: Yeah, not a big deal. Regardless, I would like to turn the audiences attention toward something far more incriminating.
Silver: What would that be?
Neck: DK's **** case. This guy ra ped some ugly h o in the street.
DK: What are you talking about? She consented and she wasn't even that ugly.
Silver: For those of you watching who don't know, the girl is objectively hideous and tried to run away from him. Also, that interruption will cost you a point, DK.
DK: Jesus, you sure love your points, don't you.
Silver: More than anything.
Neck: So, how about it, DK? What do you have to say about the ra pe case.
DK: I already told you, she consented. They always do.
Silver: This wasn't the first time, then?
DK: No, I have consensual sex all the time.
Silver: With women you don't know in the street?
Silver: Aren't you married?
DK: Yes. And I have multiple kids. One of my daughters is super fu cking hot.
Silver: Alright, did you have anything else to add about issues or perhaps policy before Neck gets his chance to discuss them?
DK: Yeah, I'm super rich. My opponent can't even afford his own Playstation Plus.
Silver: So, nothing about issues, then?
DK: No, back to the Mexicans. To keep them out I'm going to build a wall.
Silver: What kind of wall?
DK: I'm glad you asked. It'll be a glorious wall made of text.
Silver: A wall of text?
DK: Yeah, a wall of text. It's actually quite genius. Spi cs can't read so how could they get past so many words?
Silver: What do you have to say, Neck?
Neck: Look, not everyone in our country can inherit as much money as my privileged opponent did.
DK: My dad gave me a measly loan of a million ISK.
Neck: That's a sh itload of money.
DK: Maybe for a brokedi ck like you.
Neck: What I propose is a massive welfare system that will give everyone free Playstation Plus as well as a fresh copy of the newest Call of Duty each year.
DK: You don't even have the newest Call of Duty.
Neck: Exactly. I will stay strong and I will not get it until each American can play it.
Silver: That's about all we have time for. Go ahead with your closing remarks. Neck first.
Neck: (with difficulty) I love Mexicans and poor people. Even ni gg- blacks. Vote for me.
DK: Fu ck that, I have tons of money and will make America white again. Vote for me.
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