|Posted - 2016.11.22 00:05:00 -
 - Quote
The goons continue to run with the figure on their tail. They argue all the while.
Neck: Why is this fa ggot trying to kill us?
Kalash: He was probably just trying to enjoy a peaceful trip in the woods and you guys wouldn't stop yelling at each other.
DK: Yeah, whatever the reason it's probably Neck's fault.
Neck: Are you kidding me? I wouldn't have to yell if Alias wasn't such utter dogsh it.
Alias: Why is it always my fault?
Neck: I don't know, why is it?
Alias: OK, that's not fair.
Neck: Yeah, life's not fair. It must be hard to have been born such a fu cking ret ard.
DK: And to have cancer.
Shep: Alias, you have cancer?
Alias: What? No.
DK: Sorry, to be cancer.
Kalash: Do you guys remember when we were in the car and I threatened to turn around?
Z: Yeah. What, are you going to say you wish you'd turned around?
DK: A little late for that, I'd say.
Kalash: No, I was going to say I wish I'd shot myself in the head.
Neck: That's pretty fu cked. We would have all died.
Kalash: You're right. What I should have done was shot all of you in the head.
DK: Nah, I think just shooting Alias would have done.
Alias: Are you kidding me.
DK: Yeah, he probably should have shot you and Neck.
They see a cabin up ahead and run inside.
Shep: Quick, lock the door.
Z: There is no lock.
DK: Just set Alias' meaty neck up against the door and he'll never be able to open it.
Kalash: Just find something to bar the door and look for a light switch.
Z finds the light and switches it on. A gruesome scene is revealed. Numerous deer heads adorn the walls, but they are too small to those of much more than newborns. Pools of blood have accumulated on the floor beneath where they hang because they were sloppily hacked from the bodies, which are piled up in a corner of the room, and hung up without being cleaned. Traps far to large for prey of this caliber lay here and there. Multiple disco balls adorns the ceiling. Partially hollowed-out human limbs lay scattered across the floor. They appear to be covered in thick homemade maple syrup and filled with another substance. A TV sits across from a canoe which seems to act as a couch. In the canoe are a very thin pillow with a permanent mark in it from copious hours of sitting on it. In and around the canoe are an abundancy of smashed electronic devices. Underneath the TV lay a PlayStation3.
Neck: This irrelevant fu ckboy stills plays PS3.
DK: Let's see what this fa ggot plays.
They power on the TV and PS3. The only game on the system is the now shut-down Dust 514.
Z: This guy played Dust?
Shep: Oh my God, don't you guys understand?
DK: Yeah, I think I get it. Alias is the biggest moron who ever lived and Neck is a flaming fa ggot.
Shep: No, fa gwad, this guy is...
The door bursts open and the figure through it.
Roman: That's 100% fact!
The goons run toward the back door. Before he can get there, DK gets caught in a bear trap.
DK: Guys, help me!
Neck: Nothing we can do. Better fu cking kill yourself before Roman gets to you.
The other 5 escape into the woods, leaving DK to his fate. They stumble upon a shed not too far off. They hide inside.
Shep: Guys, there are weapons here. We can kill this piece of sh it.
Z: Should we have tried to help DK?
Neck: Nah, fu ck him, he was a little bi tch ni gger.
Z: That's kind of fu cked.
Alias: I thought Pack was the ni gger and that's why he died first.
Neck: Yeah, well DK was one, too.
Shep: Alright, I have a plan. Since there's 5 of us it shouldn't be too hard to pull off.
Kalash: Sweet, a gun. Only one bullet? Guess I can't take any of you fu ckers with me.
Kalash shoots himself in the head.
Shep: I guess we can make do with the 4 of us.
Neck: OK, but this baby-di ck is already half way to acing us. If he does, I swear to God...
Z: Yeah, Neck we know, you'll decide us.
Neck: Exactly. See, Alias, why can't you be that not ret arded?
Shep: Since there are no more guns, everyone grab another weapon. The plan is pretty simple. All we do is distance ourselves from each other a bit and when Roman comes after one of us, another one of us ambushes him.
They go outside and get in position, weapons in hand. Roman approaches.
Neck: You know what? Fu ck this. I'll wreck this stupid, fa ggot-a ss, ugly, co ck-sucking, flaming, bi tch-ni gg...
Neck is blown away by Roman's double-barreled shotgun.
Z: Neck just got totally fu cked.
Alias: And he didn't even go positive.
Shep: Ultimate bedsh it. We should probably just run again.
For seemingly the hundredth time, the remaining goons run from Roman.
Z: Wow, it's really quiet without Neck and DK.
Shep: Yeah, it's actually really nice.
A blast from Roman's shotgun breaks through the silence and Z's chest.
Shep: Alright, Alias, he had a double-barrel so he has to reload now. Let's rush him.
Just as Roman pulls out his sidearm, Shep and Alias tackle him to the ground. Roman drops the gun.
Shep: Alias, stay on him. I'll get the gun.
Shep grabs the gun just as Roman throws Alias off of him. He takes aim, but he realizes...
Shep: Wait. Hammer kill.
Shep picks up the sledge hammer he got from the shed, runs toward Roman, and readies his swing. Just before he can make contact, Roman pulls out yet another pistol and shoots Shep.
Alias: Yeah, GG.
Roman: GG is right. That wasn't any training match, now was it?
My YouTube Channel