|Posted - 2016.11.21 04:54:00 -
 - Quote
The goons are somewhere in the middle of the woods late at night. Kalash has just shown back up, but Pack subsequently ran from the campsite with a gun toward a noise the group had been hearing. Pack is in a full-on sprint.
Pack: I'm gonna kill this bi tch-a ss ni gga.
Advice his friends gave him many times over in the past came to mind as he ran. Don't sprint when you're right next to the enemy. Coordinate with your teammates. Don't be ret arded.
Pack: Fu ck that g ay sh it.
He falls to the ground as he bumps into a figure that stood no higher than 4' 11" but was by no means small. What the figure lacked in height, he more than made up for in width. He was gargantuan.
Pack: Da mn, you're a thick-a ss ni gga. Catch this work.
Pack stands up and unloads his handgun in the general direction of the figure. Just before his head was lopped off and he soon wouldn't be able to remember anything anymore, he remembered one more piece of advice he should have followed: aim down sights. Meanwhile...
Shep: Well, I guess we should go after him.
DK: That idiot's probably already dead.
Alias: Why do you say that?
Neck: Well, if he's anywhere near as awful as you are, Alias, he's definitely dead.
Alias: Shut up.
Kalash: Let's just go, you can argue on the way there.
They find Pack's beheaded corpse with the head nearby and its mouth filled with a steamy load.
Z: Pack got rekt.
Shep: He got fu cking PIKED.
Gus: What do you mean by piked?
Shep: Being piked is having your head cut off and while you are still conscious being skullfu cked.
Gus: Sounds like this anime I just finished to.
Alias: You mean an anime that you just finished, right?
Gus: No, I haven't finished it yet.
Neck: Could you be any more of a qu eerbate?
Gus: What do you mean? It was a girl and a guy, not two guys. How is that g ay?
Neck: Your fa ggotness astounds me.
DK: Wow, that was a pretty big word for you Neck. I'm impressed.
Neck: Hey, fu ck you, buddy.
Shep: I'm going to have to side with DK on this one.
Neck: What the fu ck? Why?
Z: Neck, you only have like 15 words in your vocabulary and half of them have to have spaces between their letters so they don't get censored.
Neck: Yeah, I guess you got me there. At least I didn't get piked like Pack and I'm not as g ay as Gustavo or as ret arded as Alias.
DK: I don't know, you're pretty g ay and ret arded.
Neck: Just kill yourself you st upid fa ggot-a ss baby-d ick b itch-boy ni gger.
Kalash: You sound pretty mad, Neck.
Neck: Because DK is being ret arded.
Shep: All of you shut the fu ck up. If you don't stop bi tching and arguing we're going to get 1v8 clutched.
Alias: Yeah, we need to just get out of here before Neck gets us all killed.
Neck: Fu ck that. We need to kill the pu ssy-ass bi tch who did this.
DK: Why? I thought you hated Pack. Were you guys g ay for each other or something?
Neck: No, he was a stupid ni gger and that's why he died first. The black guy always dies first in these situations.
Z: So if this is a horror movie scenario, why do we need to stay and fight?
Alias: Yeah, I'd really like to live to taste another double quarter-pounder.
DK: Because we'd probably all die before we make it anywhere since we have no gas fata ss. Besides, if this guy is killing by cutting off heads, you'll be fine. He'll never get through your massive neck.
Gus: Did you guys know my fores kin is massive?
Alias: Dude, I have a regular neck. You can see it.
DK: What are you talking about? Your neck weighs at least 25 pounds.
Neck: Are you really trying that hard to troll are you really just that ret arded?
Neck: Alias' neck weighs 20 pounds max.
Shep: Are you guys actually arguing about Alias' neck? Jesus Christ.
Gus: Do you guys want to see it?
DK: Gustavo, kill yourself.
Kalash: Yeah, we're all definitely going to die out here.
They once again hear a noise very close by.
Alias: Maybe we should split up.
Alias: So he can't kill all of us.
Z: Wouldn't splitting up just make it easier for him to pick us off?
Shep: Just run.
They begin to run.
Gus: Guys, we need to go back to the campsite. My entire anime and manga collections are there as well as most of my body pillows.
Z: Gustavo, are you trying to die?
Gus: Life isn't worth living without those things.
Gustavo turns around and starts running toward the campsite.
The figure appears and slams a pickaxe into Gustavo's temple.
Shep: Actually lobotomized.
The figure laughs a familiar laugh. The goons keep running until it appears they have made it away from the figure for the time being.
DK: Guys, I recognize that laugh.
Neck: Yeah, so do I.
Alias: From where?
Shep: I recognize it, too, but I can't place where from.
Z: We definitely have bigger problems.
DK: Yeah, Neck still needs to sew his mouth shut.
Neck: No, you and Alias need to admit you're both ret arded. But we need to not get killed in these fu cking woods. If we do, I swear to God I'm deleting all of you.
Shep: I'm not sure I can even fathom how stupid what you just said is.
Alias: Yeah, that was pretty bad.
Neck: You're calling me bad?
DK: Well, you are.
Neck: Eat my a ss.
Kalash: Let's get going again before these guys start human centipeding in the middle of this forest.
They begin running again just as they hear the figure approaching in the distance once more.
My YouTube Channel